What is proper protocol for visiting a friend where you live?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (238275)
Walnut Creek, California
April 17, 2016 11:37am CST
When I was a kid, we would go to a friend's house, football in hand, and say, "Can Danny come out and play football with us?" Even as a teenager, it was pretty much the same. Sometimes we would call, but often we'd just say, "Let's go see if Danny can come out."
Now, as an adult, getting together is often a big production, at least here in California. Sometimes there are group emails or "Evites," telling us of a party coming up. With some friends, I have to plan getting together one-on-one days or even weeks in advance.
My only friend who will call me and say, "Hey, I'm in your neighborhood--can I drop by?" is an "older" Filipino buddy I met through my stereo hobby. When I stop by his house, he always offers me food, so I do the same when he visits me here.
Actually my 7-year-old neighbor buddy will sometimes just stop by and ask me if I can come out and play. I love that. Right now, he finds it exciting if I take him cycling on the Iron Horse Trail that runs by our house.
As a younger adult, up in Montana in the Summers, we might drop by a neighbor's ranch. Proper protocol involved having a cold six-pack with us, which we'd share upon entering. It was generally either Olympia or Lucky Lager. Now, here in California, it's more likely to be a bottle of some moderately expensive Cabernet Sauvignon.
What is proper protocol where you live? Do people still just "drop by" to say hi? Do they usually bring something? Or is getting together always a "planned activity," as it seems to be here in California?
31 people like this
26 responses
@LdeL0318 (6400)
• Philippines
17 Apr 16
I was happy to know that your Filipino friend still has that hospitality attitude that is common to all of us here. Filipinos are very hospitable and they would offer you a lot when you visit at their house. They will welcome you and offer you food and drinks even if they don't have that much in life.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (238275)
• Walnut Creek, California
17 Apr 16
@Hatley I like that tradition and will try to imitate it here. My friend also told me that he is more bored here than in the Philippines, because there, everyone talks to neighbors in the streets and sometimes they go to a Cafe to sit and chat. Here, we are more reserved.
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (29819)
• Momence, Illinois
17 Apr 16
I have a few friends that just drop by to see if we are home. The friends who live a bit farther away we usually call and make sure we can visit and they do the same.
3 people like this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
18 Apr 16
@fishtiger58 You'd be one of those people I would drop by on. 
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (29819)
• Momence, Illinois
18 Apr 16
@TheHorse Yes they do, the farther away ones we make plans because no on wants to drive that far for someone who isn't home.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
18 Apr 16
We have few friends and fewer neighbors so not a problem. We moved 4 times and the friends we made early on in TN are now 3 hours away. We don't belong to a church and that's how most people make friends. Our neighbors are far to strange for me. Can you imagine a wife who doesn't like to go out to dinner? Crazy.
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
20 Apr 16
@TheHorse I think she/they are too cheap.
2 people like this
@beaniefanatic13 (5068)
• Grand Junction, Colorado
19 May 16
I grew up in rural VA and for 6 or 7 ears there we didn't have a phone either, just a CB base in the house and the vehicles had CB's and that's how my parents communicated. My dad would call her on the CB when he was close to home, so that she knew to have dinner ready.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16568)
• Ireland
17 Apr 16
oh my friends know not to show up unannounced..
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16568)
• Ireland
17 Apr 16
@TheHorse It depends on the day.. sometimes I won't be in at all. Or I'll pretend that am not in!
2 people like this
@TheHorse (238275)
• Walnut Creek, California
17 Apr 16
@Drosophila Oh dear. Sometimes I don't feel like having a visitor. But I'll rarely pretend not to be here.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Apr 16
Asou know I live in S outhern Cal if and yes everhthing seems planned no simple cand Dorotjy who was my best friemd back in South D akota come out to play here it all is scheduled and yet they all this laid back Southern Calif lol lll
1 person likes this
@allknowing (153544)
• India
18 Apr 16
I would prefer if I am informed in advance so that I can keep my time for them.
2 people like this
@quantum2020 (12054)
• Ciudad De Mexico, Mexico
18 Apr 16
@TheHorse Bicycle, control remote vehicles, figure toys, drawing paper. You can alo take electronic devices, but they´re usually not shared.
@TheHorse (238275)
• Walnut Creek, California
18 Apr 16
@quantum2020 Sounds like fun stuff. I rarely carry an electronic device.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
18 Apr 16
No drop bys though we have lots of open invites. I do spontaneous things those and call friends and say what are you doing? If they want us to come by or they want to come by here they will say so. Grandkids and my nephew do just drop by and I will usually have some thing for them to eat or drink.
2 people like this
@CookieMonster46 (13453)
• United States
18 Apr 16
I just prefer people to call, I am so busy most of the time, it would be nice to know if you are coming by. I never just pop in on anyone, not even my neighbors, I will ask first if I can stop by for a bit.
1 person likes this
@CookieMonster46 (13453)
• United States
21 Apr 16
@TheHorse I agree, it is best to call first, give some type of notice..
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
18 Apr 16
I uh, dont have any friends, haven't in a few years, aside from hubby. I used to be in a renaissance reenactment group, that was fun, had friends AND had scheduled hang out events.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
18 Apr 16
@TheHorse if you have a good group and the time, it is tons of fun
@crazyhorseladycx (39503)
• United States
18 Apr 16
folks tend to jest drop by, sometimes callin' when they're a couple miles out. other times callin' to tell ya they're sittin' in one'f yer porch rockers 'n if'n ya don't show'p soon they're loadin' it up'n takin' it home with 'em, lol.
2 people like this
ya mean they threaten to run off with yer rockers, too?? shameful lot, aint they? 
@ElizabethWallace (12069)
• United States
18 Apr 16
It depends upon the neighborhood. Where I used to live dropping by happened. Not so much here. The people here have known each other a long time. Newbies are treated as such.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12069)
• United States
18 Apr 16
@TheHorse Yes. I have lived here for two years. Others have been here for decades and have history.
@Vjvals (906)
• Roseville, California
17 Apr 16
@TheHorse I'm more of an adult around children as they will respect you if we give them a chance. Most adults I'm around act like grown children who hold grudges and that might spark immature behavior in the other person. And trying to understand does not do much good. It's illogical to a large degree. Probably the ability to be spontaneous would help though.
@1creekgirl (44560)
• United States
18 Apr 16
Years ago, folks would just drop in and if it was close to supper time, they'd be invited to eat with us. Now days, hardly anyone does that anymore. People are just too busy to visit. Sad.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (34925)
• United Kingdom
26 Apr 16
When I was a child we rarely entered our friends' houses, like you we would knock on the door and shyly ask 'Can so-and-so come out to play?' and they would be ushered out. Nowadays it seems the children only stay in other people's houses, and that only when booked in ahead of time!
For adults its a bit different I guess. It's rare for someone to just knock on the door these days but they do quite often call and say 'Are you free to come over?'
1 person likes this
@PainsOnSlate (21845)
• Canada
27 Apr 16
We have lots of friends, most of them will and do just drop by to see us especially if the cars are in the driveway. A party is usually a spur of the moment. (bring a bottle and come on over) I do have a date with my best friend for Friday night for a event but that is rare. Our out of town friends call first...
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (238275)
• Walnut Creek, California
18 Apr 16
With my neighbors, it can happen spontaneously ("Hey, I think I'm going to fire up the BBQ this evening. Wanna stop by?"). But for most folks, especially given the prevalence of cell phones, it's rarely completely spontaneous. I love it when the neighbor kids stop by to "bother" me.
