Am I Going To Survive It Today?
@melissa1024 (2456)
Beckley, West Virginia
August 4, 2016 3:50pm CST
Today is one of those days. My daughter has ADHD, ODD, OCD, and is also Bipolar and man is she pushing my buttons. Her counselor said make her do her chores and set up a reward system. Well I have done that. Normally it works but today she is in one of her moods and the more I tell her to do her chores the more defiant she becomes. I have taken away every electronic item she has and have now starting taking away other things she enjoys. I have told her she has to work to earn those things back. Has it helped? The answer would be a big fat NO! I tell her counselor this because I am at my wits end on days like this and all I am told is keep doing what your doing it'll kick in eventually that you behave and work and you keep your things plus get rewarded. It is not that simple with her. If this counselor lived here with her she'd see it. Well I guess I am done venting. Thanks for reading.
6 people like this
6 responses
@yukimori (10193)
• United States
4 Aug 16
If she's consistently not responding to the consequences she's given, and you haven't seen a bit of improvement over an extended period of time, it might be time to switch tactics. Right now, she's getting feedback from you every time she refuses to listen and do her chores. I'm not sure that I would go as far as ignoring all of the bad behaviors, but it seems like the negative feedback she's getting is doing something for her. The problem with that is that it gets to be a pretty bad cycle, with the kid feeling like they can't do anything right so why bother making an effort at all? Even if they do something the way they're supposed to, you'll find something else to get on their case about.
I think in your shoes, I would try to find something positive to comment on. I don't know what sort of chores you have her doing, but say she's supposed to clean her room and hasn't in a day or two. Maybe there's a section of the room that looks great in comparison to the rest of it--compliment her on it. "Hey, that shelf looks great! The time you spent getting it organized really shows!"
I may be completely off base, but I was diagnosed with ODD when I was a kid and several counselors recommended that my egg donor and her husband focus on positive reinforcement to encourage good behaviors. It would have made a huge difference in our interactions if they'd bothered to take the advice that was given.
4 people like this
@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
4 Aug 16
@yukimori I have tried positive reinforcement with her. When she does something good. It worked at first but not any longer. They say her ODD is progressing. She has the type of ODD that also identifies with having trouble in dealing with authority. Right now when I tell her to do something I get I am doing something or I will do it when I want not when you want. I try to show no reaction but it is easier said than done!
@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
7 Aug 16
@TheHorse Yes. I have tried everything. Seems as if the better you treat her the worse she gets.
1 person likes this
@Lolaze (5092)
• St. Louis, Missouri
5 Aug 16
Stop telling her. Just take away her things and then let her be. Let her whine, moan, scream, etc. As long as she's not hurting herself, others, or destroying property just basically ignore her...eventually she'll hopefully get all the temper tantrum (I know that is far too simplistic of a word for what she does) out of her system, wear down, and do some chores to get her stuff back.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (238279)
• Walnut Creek, California
7 Aug 16
@melissa1024 I'm sure you've tried it, but I tend to get ODD kids to do stuff by treating it as a collaborative effort, and having a specific reward for them if they complete the task.
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@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
7 Aug 16
@TheHorse I've tried it. When she's in the mood to do something it works great!
1 person likes this
@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
5 Aug 16
@Lolaze I have tried that. If I ignore her and do not tell her to do her chores she won't do them. To her if I don't tell her or remind her to do them she thinks I forgot about her doing them and will not do them.
2 people like this
@arthurchappell (44941)
• Preston, England
7 Aug 16
sounds a tough ituation to handle - hope it works out ok soon for you and your daughter
1 person likes this
@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
7 Aug 16
@arthurchappell Yes, it is very tough to deal with. Some days I feel like I'd get better results talking to a wall. She has her good days and bad ones. Thank you, I as well hope it works out soon!
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (64346)
• United Kingdom
4 Aug 16
@melissa1024 Thank you for explaining - they may be common terms to you who have to deal with them, but I've never come across them myself.
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@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
4 Aug 16
@jaboUK You're welcome. I am sorry I sometimes forget and am so use to using the letters for the terms with family and doctors.
1 person likes this
@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
4 Aug 16
She is 10. The first is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and the second is Oppositional Defiance Disorder.
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@KristenH (33591)
• Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
5 Aug 16
@melissa1024 Fingers crossed Melissa. I hope so for her sake.
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@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
5 Aug 16
@KristenH Thank you! So far today has been better than yesterday, but I never know when a day like yesterday is going to come around.
1 person likes this
@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
4 Aug 16
@KristenH Thanks. I am trying to hang in there, it's just days like today I could get better results from talking to a wall. I hope you gets the picture soon, we have been going at this for about 3 years now with several medicine changes and very little results. I am remaining consistant with her. So lets just hope it kicks in soon!
2 people like this
