Big Words

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I have a brochure put out by a local person which is full of grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and misuse of words. I've just edited this as I had quoted incorrectly. She talks about 'concurring' with your horse and wants to 'concur your dreams', which seems a very strange thing to say. It reminded me of a piece I wrote some years back and as I'm a bit short of material for a post, I thought I'd inflict this on you. Do you know a child who can't wait to grow up and use big words? CONCENTRATION Timothy loved learning new words – particularly if they were big words. When he came across a word he didn’t understand, he would find out its meaning then wait for an opportunity to use it as soon as possible. When he finished dinner he would lean back, rub his tummy and say “I have had sufficient, thank you. If I have any more I shall expire”. When he returned his library book and wanted another about dinosaurs, he would say, “Do you have something similar, please? Perhaps with more illustrations?” He thought Harry Potter books were ‘inventive’ and ‘full of suspense’; popcorn was ‘seriously delicious’; his mother’s roses ‘exquisite’ and stubbing his toe ‘agonising’. One day, he was working on his model plane when Andrew, his older brother, walked into the room. Timothy was frowning. “These instructions are indec…, indeciph..“ “Indecipherable,” said Andrew. “I was about to say that,” said Timothy. Andrew picked up a piece of the plane. He reached across Timothy to look at the packet. “You’ve missed out a piece,” said Andrew. “I don’t believe I have. I have followed the instructions meticulously. If you don’t mind, I’d prefer to work on my own. This requires all my constipation.” “You stupid idiot,” said Andrew. “Constipation is when you can’t do your poo. You mean ‘concentration’. Timothy’s face went red. But he still loved big words! And now he knew two more. The photo is of a little friend with Oscar, not Herc this time.