Your Job Does Not Define You

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At the weekend, my big son, Midi, was in a play. As always, I enjoyed watching the show and am very proud of Midi. I also helped out by selling tickets for the interval raffle. I won two prizes myself - a box of chocolate and some jewellery. I took Mini and D to watch on Friday night and, because I was there to help last night, I got to watch the second half again. So that was all groovy. What brings me to this discussion, though, is a conversation between me, D, and a friend's partner. I shall call them AC and S. Well, AC didn't really have much to do with this particular conversation but it was the first time I'd really talked to her partner. We were just chatting. S asked D about what he did for a living. As D is unable to work, I know that such questions make him uncomfortable. I could see that he wasn't sure how to answer. He pointed out that he was disabled yet S, despite saying he could see that, more or less dismissed that fact and expected an answer to his original inquisition. Of course, there are plenty of people with disabilities who are able to work. However, there are also those who have disabilities and illnesses which make it impossible or, at least, highly unlikely to find an employer willing and able to cater to their needs. D is one such person. He already feels bad that he can't look after us as he feels he should (in a nice way, not in a misogynistic way!). I remind him that he does look after us, and that his role is just as important (a fact which I know he recognises but still seems to have difficulty accepting its importance when he's the one doing it). I also regularly remind him that he has made plenty of contributions to society in many ways. I remind him that he was a soldier - a medic at that - so he's contributed that way. He's also been a paramedic - I don't think anyone would argue that that is an important contribution. Anyway, he still feels bad that he is unable to support us in the way he feels he should. So, coupled with the expectations from other people, this is difficult for him. He does take occasional commissions for computer work if there is no deadline and he can work from home. So he talked about that. I realised something, though, when S also asked me what I do. I do work but, it seems, my answer is different every time I'm asked, and I am often doing more than one job at a time. I found that I am sometimes unsure as to how to answer that question. Well, it does seem that 'society' judges us on what we do for work. We even judge ourselves. I guess, if we have a 'profession', it's not too bad. If you are, say, a doctor, a teacher, a nurse, that's not so bad. But not everyone wants to talk about what they do. They might be embarrassed, they might not be able to work but don't want all and sundry to know why. I'm sure that, as a teenager, we spent more time talking about the types of music or television we enjoyed. I know I would prefer that sort of thing, although S asked my son, Mini, what music he was into. Mini is not into any music! My point is that, while it is a common and usual thing to ask what job a person does, it seems that certain answers require explanations. I, personally, would rather talk about things that aren't work. For some, their job is a large part of who they are. For many, it is not. I have no idea what defines me but, apart from being a tutor, a carer, a PA, and a mum, I'm also a lover of theatre and music, someone who enjoys tabletop games, swimming, and going for nature walks. There are lots of other things I enjoy just as there are lots of things D enjoys and other things he can do. I am happy to call him my house husband. I have no problem that he is better at housework than I am, or that he is better at sewing so is given the task of sewing Scout badges onto Mini's uniform. And, while I don't think D is embarrassed to admit those things to people he knows well, he's clearly still a little wary of saying it to people he doesn't know well. So, what defines you? Your job, your hobbies, or something else?