Conflict and feelings - 2 successes

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So MyLot, I thought I would share with you 2 recent stands I took.  I feel proud of myself.  I think.  As someone who hates conflict and/or the prospect of hurting someone's feelings - these were both rather big stances for me.  Issue 1)  I run the social media sites for my dance troupe.  A man from many states away "liked" us and started leaving comments on pictures.  Many comments.  However, none of the comments were degrading, or weird, so I didn't pay it too much attention.  And then he wrote to "us".  Something along the lines of "I'm sorry for leaving so many comments, I just think you guys are great".  So, trying to be professional, I replied "Thanks for the appreciation - it's always nice to hear feedback".   Then he friended me, personally.  I'm still alright with this.   Started messaging me.  It got weird, quick.  Ultra clingy.  Like super glue.  Stuff like, he'd apologize for going out.  "Dear Faye - I'm so sorry, but I want to go to *this or that activity* and I will return at appx. *this time*.  I will message you the minute I walk in the door..."  As though I was just going to be sitting at my computer waiting to chat with him. Uh, so I reassured him that he didn't need to spend all of his waking moments talking to me.  But he countered back it was alright because he *wanted* to spend his extra time talking with me. I politely told him I preferred a more casual pen-pal. Lots of questions from him suggested an insecure person.  "Do you think I'm attractive, Faye?"  "Am I a nice person?", "Do I have an enjoyable personality".....  well after only chatting with him a few minutes the latter 2 I couldn't say for sure.  He actually is a nice looking person, except for the insecurity.  I tried to help him - I told him that confidence is truly attractive.  I also told him I was bothered by his instant clinginess and I told him that after only chatting a few minutes with me - it is not a good judge of how well he would actually like me.  He seemed to think he was in love with me.  I told him that as he got to know me, he may not really be in love with me. He may not even like me.  I told him he would meet many women at college.... as he was attending in fall. Well it continued, the clinginess, sending a million messages whenever he thought I might be online.  SO I kicked him off of the dance troupe's page (risk of stalking), but I just didn't have the heart to block him completely.  I restricted his access on my page.  So that means he could only see certain of things - like when I change profile photos.  Of course, almost without fail, every photo change would bring me an instant barrage messages, calls, texts etc from him.  For the most part I didn't reply.  Finally this last time it was too creepy.  "If I were a sultan, Faye, would you like me to invite you into my tent?"  Block.  I feel bad, I think he has some serious issues, I tried to help him with but he denied having a problem.  I wish him well, but I can't continue on in a situation where I do not feel comfortable. Issue 2) A friend of mine is getting married on October 1.  However the date coincides with a longer standing arrangement that my dance troupe and I had to be performing at a Renaissance festival 5 hours drive away.  This is one of my favorite events of the year.   This was a hard call for me to make. Miss out on the fest (and mess it up for the rest of the girls who likely wouldn't perform without me) or go to a friend's wedding. My friend lives about 90 minutes away, in a large city.  She's already said that she won't come out here (my area) - as it's too far.  So I know that if I want to see her I have to go there.  Well, it is a bigger area and always something to do, so ... alright, I know it ahead of time and am fine with it.  However it did color my decision on deciding to go ahead with festival and send my regrets about not attending the wedding. I also had suspected that perhaps, after her marriage it would be the last I saw of her, since some friends do have the tendency to disappear after getting married and , to be honest - when we get together it is usually me doing the pushing. So, I told her.  I was dreading telling her.  But I finally did it.   And... well... I haven't heard from her since.  This isn't, necessarily odd for her, since I do go long spances of time without hearing from her.  I just wish she could set my mind at ease a little.   Which brings me to a dilemma.  I will for sure send a card to her.  In her wedding invite she asked for "no gifts".  I do have a little cross décor statue I think she would like.  Do I send it, as well, or just the card, as she did say no gifts?  And if I send the gift - does it seem like I'm trying to "buy" friend friendship back? How about you? Any conflicts ? I hope not. Do you avoid conflict like me? Or do you not mind it? Photo: Mine