Extended "family"
By Faye
@FayeHazel (40230)
United States
January 24, 2018 12:20pm CST
It's been on my mind a lot lately. I don't really have an extended family.
Well. Technically that's not so.
I have people who fit the biological definitions of "sisters"(half), "brother"(half), aunts, cousins, and perhaps, most painfully - nieces and nephews. So yes, technically I'm an aunt - but not in any way that actually counts.
Usually I don't think about it. Most of them I don't even know or barely met. But every once in awhile it bothers me, too.
I realize that there are others in my situation --- which brings comfort -- but I really do wonder why families cannot be closer and situations like this happen.
This quote from the brilliant comedy movie "What About Bob" sums up my feelings.
"I treat people like telephones. If I meet someone who I don't think likes me I just say to myself ... this one's just temporarily out of order y'know? Don't break the connection just hang up and try again." -
Bob Wiley
Here's a short section of this great movie:
13 people like this
13 responses
@Plethos (13718)
• United States
25 Jan 18
@FayeHazel - yeah, most of us also dont have the hallmark family movie life also.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
It's true, I think very few people have the so called "Hallmark" family
1 person likes this
@JamesHxstatic (29410)
• Eugene, Oregon
24 Jan 18
I have no extended family either, just my daughter and my wife, maybe some cousins in Texas. Anne has a sister and a niece and nephew in Idaho.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
Sorry to hear that, I know it's a weird feeling
1 person likes this
@JamesHxstatic (29410)
• Eugene, Oregon
25 Jan 18
@FayeHazel Oh, I don't really find it strange or weird.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
28 Jan 18
@JamesHxstatic Hm, I have always found it so. But I'm happy that you haven't.... :-)
1 person likes this
@much2say (57760)
• Los Angeles, California
24 Jan 18
Both my parents basically removed themselves from their big families . . . I have extended family members, but don't have much to do with them anymore. The cousins I grew up with essential "grew up" and we are all busy with our own family lives. I am connected to many of them and this other sector of the family that is in Canada (I don't know them at all) through Facebook . . . but that's not really being "family". I feel ya!
1 person likes this
@much2say (57760)
• Los Angeles, California
26 Jan 18
@FayeHazel My parents are totally cool with their decisions, but me, I feel like part of my childhood history was yanked out . . . the parents had a feud, not the cousins. And the relationships just naturally drifted apart . . . all the cousins, including us, followed their parents.
I feel less alone too 
.
.1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
28 Jan 18
@much2say It is true. I think that way too, sometimes. My parent's feud with their relations is their own. I had nothing to do with those issues. Though, then I think.... it would be hard if not impossible for the relatives to *not* include me in their issues. :/ It is unfortunate that so many people get sucked into such drama.
At least we neededn't feel as alone
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
Congratulations to your parents. I'm sorry to hear it was needed, but sometimes when relationships are toxic it is the best to remove oneself.
It's a strange feeling, but hearing your account makes me feel less alone. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@amadeo (111937)
• United States
25 Jan 18
@FayeHazel Most of them had a good long life there.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67089)
• United States
24 Jan 18
Girl, i get it.
I have 9-10 siblings, but only 1 is whole & really considered sibling.. then have the others which i only know one of. And shes the one with my ex and has kids with him. Them have cousins and great aunts /uncles i only knew /saw every 4th of july.
Thos is why my family is my mom, and brother.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67089)
• United States
25 Jan 18
@FayeHazel Don't be. I'm not sorry. Their loss, not mine.
People are rude, wrong, and disgusting, that's why.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
@Courtlynn - And that is very true!
And you're right.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
Oh wow. that is a lot of siblings, I'm sorry to hear that most of them aren't close. And that is heartbreaking about the one who is with your ex. Best you can do is pray for them I think. :/ Sometimes I wonder why there is such dysfunction in the world.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
24 Jan 18
I can tell you from experience that not having a biological family is the same as not having an extended family. I live in an extended family and as you grow older you are even more alienated even in the midst of joy and merriment. There is never a feeling of 'belongness' or 'one of your own'. As you aged, it gets worse. I say marry and have children if you can...and if you can't get a puppy and a kitten. The emotional support animals give you is great.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
28 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 Thank you for the wisdom. I have often wondered why I can't seem to find anyone... (maybe I'm too picky?)
I have been finding that not spending is as important as paying big payments. Happy to say that I'm paying off debts as I go.
I think it is wise to find such a person, companion/nurse -- I've often thought that could make for a nice friendship.
I wish you all the best - you have goals, and independence is important. In the meantime don't feel bad, I think that a lot of people have struggled from time to time and have needed help....
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
Exactly! You get it. Unfortunately. :/
My parents and I are close. My dad has so many mental health issues that sometimes it is a struggle. My mom is wonderful ... but as for the larger family.... I have never had that feeling of belonging.
Used to dream of marrying someone with a big family who got a long.... however its been 5 years since I've dated. Can't even get a date much less get married.
Kids of my own never appealed to me - I never want to have them, though they are fine if they belong to someone else....
I love animals. And your care and support mean so much to them.
Thank you for sharing
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
25 Jan 18
@FayeHazel Faye it is a pity you cannot meet someone to start a relationship with. But if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. You do the next best thing and keep going.
If you can consolidate your home, even if you live in your father's house, save a bit and build yourself a small room and kitchen...a place to just call 'yours' later. Get a legal paper if you can.
Secondly, I have been contemplating hiring a young companion (probably with nursing background) to start coming part time to work for me. In a few years from now I'll have a kind of independence that is not dependent on 'hand outs' from family members.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (74988)
• United States
25 Jan 18
@FayeHazel we get along but she has personality traits that get under my skin and does things that bug me so I don’t go around her much more then my mother but I can tolerate my sister more then my mom.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
I love that quote. Great movie, too :-)
How do you and sister get along?
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
28 Jan 18
@shaggin Ah sometimes it is good to know one's limits.
1 person likes this
@Rick1950 (1573)
• Lima, Peru
25 Jan 18
Maybe families cannot be closer because we are selfish or we don´t want to visit them. But there are different kind of families. I mean there are families that you can se gathering often. Other families don´t. I wonder if one or two hundred years ago the behaviour of families was different than today. Now thechnology has changed a lot our lives. We can communicate to each other with littles smartphones. But that could be an excuse not to come together with the people. I find right the statement "Don't break the connection". I liked the section of the movie.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
That is true, many reasons for not being close. In this case there was some drama that happened a long time ago. I think almost everyone is over it - but - we were never close, so they are unwilling to make time now.
@Letranknight2015 (52665)
• Philippines
25 Jan 18
Unfortunately, I have no communication from my extended relatives and cousins, most specially from my father side of the family. My father wasn't good in introducing them.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
I'm sorry that had to happen -- family is a difficult subject
@1creekgirl (44560)
• United States
25 Jan 18
I have a brother and sister, but we aren't close even though we live within two miles of each other. Long story. My family is my husband, kids, grandkids, an uncle, and a couple of friends. The rest are really just aquaintances, even though some are blood relatives.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
I love that. You're right. Friends are the family we choose
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
Sometimes I wonder why so many people have family problems.... it's an interesting world....
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
I love the quote... and the movie :-)
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 Jan 18
Wow, that is quite a distance apart. How do you feel about that? Is it a strange feeling?
