Man it hurts

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Our pets rely on us to take care of them. Not just food and water, but security as well. We are supposed to help them make sense of our world that they live in.We need to keep them from pain. We need to not let them feel lost. Princess has cancer--no treatment, no surgery will fix it. She has gone downhill rapidly in the last two weeks. Today we will do our final kindness and have her put to sleep. She got better for a day or two after her first vet treatment, but then rapidly worse. She cannot see, she cannot chew well, she is skin and bones. Usually she is Bob's cat, but today she follows me from room to room, inside and out. Clear down the hill to the back shed. She has to know where I am. She speaks plaintively, one syllable at a time, and risks being tripped over or stepped on, just to know where I am. She does not want to be held. I think it hurts. I have fed her every delicacy we have. I have used a blender to make it smooth. With great effort she got up on the bed for part of the night to sleep on Bob. After she got down, he could not find her in the night. The vet says that that is what they do when they are dying. I will not be selfish and keep her, uncomfortable, hungry, restless, confused as she is. If she had been in sharp pain, we would not have taken this last little bit to love on her as we have. We have had to put others to sleep who were younger than she is, at 16, but they were obviously suffering. I have made homemade cat food for years for kitties with dental problems. I had one sigh and breathe his last as I walked past him to go to work. This hurts the worst of all, I think. We are suffering along with Princess today. But it is pain that comes from the heart and not from bodily wounds. I do not know when I will be here to post again. I will try to get back and respond, later.