I remember....

United States
June 15, 2019 1:15pm CST
I'm sitting here in the livingroom, trying to be quiet without too much success. Fortunately the phone isn't ringing it's stupid bell off today. All this past week the darned thing would start ringing at 8:30 in the morning and shut up at noon. I've been wanting Bill to get extra sleep so his hand and wrist could heal and he could escape the frustrations of the pain in his wrist. Well today was my day for having a blasting good time with the farts. It reminded me of my short lived time with my second husband. We had moved to Montana and the first thing on the "Twit's mind was that we HAD to go to church. We didn't even have a place to live yet, but we had to go to church. I tried to get through to him it wasn't a really great idea and that God would understand that we just couldn't make it to church when we had just gotten to town at 11p.m. the night before. But the Twit just couldn't stand not going to church that day, so we dressed up as much as we could and off we went to church. We got to church with a few minutes to spare and found a seat towards the back of the church. We had the whole congregation staring at us at one time or another through the services since we were new. Part way through the service there was a "Meet and Greet" time and no one came near us. Then the service continued. Near the close of the service there was a time set aside for "silent prayer", as the minister announced "We will now take a moment for silent prayer". By that time I was squirming in my seat, needing to remove myself from the sanctuary to use the lady's room, but the twit that called himself the head of the household and my husband wouldn't let me go. So I sat there on the pew squirming like crazy. Suddenly I couldn't hold it back any longer, from my cheeks planted on the wooden pews came a horrific blast that rattled the stained glass windows!!! I sat there looking innocent, but my husband the twit turned an amazing shade of scarlet! Of course all eyes turned our direction which didn't help matters much either. And I couldn't help it, I totally lost control and broke down in helpless giggles. That didn't please my husband who glared at me which made him turn an even darker shade of red. And of course the children who were in the congregation were giggling too and soon the whole group were laughing like crazy. When the minister regained his composure from his laughing he made the statement that "God invented flatulence too, he just hoped that it wouldn't be expelled during a moment of silent prayer!" We were welcomed into the church with open arms and they nicknamed my husband "Bubbles" for some strange reason. And periodically the minister would remind him that the moment of silent prayer should be just that and hopefully he didn't have beans the night before. Any of you have an embarrassing experience at church?
4 people like this
5 responses
@sharon6345 (184832)
• United States
15 Jun
Nothing that would top what you went through.
• United States
16 Jun
Nothing like a good giggle in the middle of church. Not that I meant to do it, I tried to warn my husband but he wouldn't listen to me. I kept telling him I needed to go to the bathroom and the mean hearted beast kept telling me to wait... well some things just don't wait. And he earned the wrath of making me wait...
• United States
17 Jun
@sharon6345 I once had a friend who said I lead a "calm and boring life". Boy she sure didn't know me well! LOL!!! Especially after she asked where Mohair came from.... that story had my Mom rolling on the floor in the bedroom. I could hear the muffled roars of laughter as I told the story. Mom finally came back out, fully composed, until...my friend stated straight faced and serious as a judge...."I'm going to go back to work and schedule my next vacation for the Moe round up". Mom disappeared for another ten minutes in the bedroom laughing like crazy. It took her 45 minutes to compose herself. About two hours later my friend suddenly stated "You're funning me, there is no such thing as a Moe round up!!!" Mom didn't make it to the bedroom, she lost it in the livingroom and couldn't move for another 45 minutes laughing like crazy. I was put on earth to make people laugh and IF I can succeed at doing that my day is made. One day if you're curious about the "Moe round up" story PM me and I'll tell it to you. It's about the Mohair I use in making my teddy bears, and it's a very funny and very fun story to tell to someone who is new to bear collecting. I told it at the shop one day and I had a husband and wife collector team enthralled and they ended up buying a couple hundred dollars in teddy bears. My boss was about to chew me out for not working until he saw the stack of teddy bears in the couple's arms. Have a wonderful day! And above all have some great laughs! If you can't find any close by PM me and I can provide a couple. Toni
@sharon6345 (184832)
• United States
17 Jun
@BearArtistLady I would love to hear that and can I see your teddy bears too? I am heading to your profile to see if there is a link. Thank you. You have me curious about the story.
• United States
15 Jun
no doubt they all thought such 'twas yer hubs! yes ma'am, but not fer such reasonin'.
• United States
16 Jun
With the kind of "blast" that came out it had to be my husband. Something that loud couldn't have come out of a "lady".
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jun
@BearArtistLady reminds me 'f a comic tellin' 'f the 1st date he'd with 'is now wife. she'd 'nvited him to a weddin' (large to-do) 'n they'd bused all from the weddin' hall to the reception. she let one out'n the horror'n 'er face caused 'im to claim blame fer the lethal dose.
• United States
16 Jun
@BearArtistLady glad mr. bill got 'is funny bone tickled. i jest dunno 'bout this fella here 's he'd no humor 'bout the matter. funny 'bout petey drinkin' outta the loo. the resident cat here prefers the bathtub fer some reason? 'tis rare i can make'n the loo here without my 2 faithful sidekicks. 'tis like a race 'f sorts? lol. some cats 're very protective, perhaps e'en better'n pups. 'll be 'xcitin' seein' 'em done :)
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (229377)
• Switzerland
16 Jun
Oh my goodness, what an embarrassing moment.
• United States
16 Jun
I was pregnant at the time and craved tacos and beans. My husband then was more than a bit upset with me at the time, especially since I managed to blame it on him. But as I would remind him he wouldn't let me use the ladies room so he got what he deserved.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (229377)
• Switzerland
17 Jun
@BearArtistLady He should have let you go and use the ladies room, I hope he learned the lesson.
@celticeagle (122945)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jun
Oh my gosh! What a hoot.
• United States
16 Jun
Too bad we didn't have cell phones with video abilities back then...it would have been a great moment for America's funniest home video's!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (122945)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jun
@BearArtistLady ......Yes, indeed.
@wolfgirl569 (17754)
• Marion, Ohio
16 Jun
I would have loved to be there for that one.
• United States
16 Jun
There were a lot of giggles during the "moment of silent prayer"! I even saw the minister's shoulders shaking uncontrollably!!! I wasn't positive but I think I saw him wipe his eyes too.
1 person likes this