Walking Away from Negative “Friends”
By Raine38
@Raine38 (12387)
United States
July 1, 2019 7:27pm CST
I am a Filipina, but I am a naturalized US Citizen. I have been living here for close to 7 years now and I have to say that a lot of things have happened: the good, the bad, and the ugly. But such is life, it does not matter where you’re from or where you live. One thing that really disappointed me a lot is the obvious discord and jealousy among other Filipinas in the town that I live in.
Don’t get me wrong – not everyone is into drama and cancel culture, but given that I had high hopes with those who came from where I’m from, it was really a big letdown for me.
By themselves, they are really nice people. I can relate to them, and it was fun. But I observed that in groups, competition becomes fierce. And as embarrassed as I am to admit, there were instances that I got suck into that drama. There was this time when I thought that if I show up in designer stuff, I will be in the “club”. That somehow, it will make me feel better and will be popular among my peers. But I was very wrong. Friendships that are formed from material affirmation is not real, and do not last. Before I know it, I am now the one being envied upon – because of what I wear, what I have, what I do for work, who I was dating then eventually married, my family, what I have prior to coming here, and the list goes on. I began to notice that I am being ostracized from get-togethers. And since they cannot squeeze a juicy gossip from me anymore, I become boring.
When I worked and went to graduate school, I was exposed to different people from different walks of life. My world expanded and I learned beyond the academic and professional realm. By networking and hanging out with my classmates and co-workers, I learned, for instance, that that Louis Vuitton purse is not a good investment after all. I learned that decorum and class is not brought by wearing fancy brand name pants and shirt. I learned that friendship is much more than the superficial fun posted on Facebook.
I tried to share the knowledge to the other Filipinas here – but sadly, I was alienated. Either I approached them the wrong way, or they do not find value in what I have to share with them. Or, I am just plain unlikeable, haha! Either way, through personal and professional development, I am also able to move past that. I no longer chase after people just for the sake of claiming that I belong to a group. Instead, I make time to grow with like-minded people. By doing so, I inadvertently eliminated the negativity in my social life.
I am by no means being self-righteous; I realize that I am still a work in progress. I still have many insecurities and I still get tempted to be petty and shallow. But walking away from those toxic behavior has brought me peace.
6 people like this
7 responses
@allknowing (153544)
• India
2 Jul 19
Nothing is new in what you have said. That behaviour is common but happily we have choices. Surprised that you did not expect this.
Walking away from people that vitiate the environment is the best thing and you have done that
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
2 Jul 19
Yes, surprisingly I am still surprised! 
It was difficult at first as I try to assimilate in a new country with different culture from what I was brought up on. I thought I could rely on those who came before me from my old country, and I guess I expected too much. I am also to blame for why I felt what I felt, but all I can do now is to charge it to experience and move on.
It was difficult at first as I try to assimilate in a new country with different culture from what I was brought up on. I thought I could rely on those who came before me from my old country, and I guess I expected too much. I am also to blame for why I felt what I felt, but all I can do now is to charge it to experience and move on.1 person likes this
@marguicha (230334)
• Chile
2 Jul 19
Your post is very interesting. But in my opinion, you should not only seek your friends among Filipinos, but you can discover gems in every race, nationality and culture. You are right, people cannot be measured by their purses, or jean brands.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
2 Jul 19
I 100% agree, and I learned that lesson - to go out, meet people, expand my horizon - when I started school and work here. It was tough at first, trying to settle in a new country. But good people are everywhere as much as the bad.
Still learning, and it has been a very fruitful journey so far. My closest 2 friends are from Japan and US. It really is what's in a person's heart that makes them gems!
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
2 Jul 19
It is easy to get influenced by others, especially if you are young or are new to an area, or wanting to fit in with people from your own culture. It sounds to me as if those other Filipinas were, and probably still are, trying to be something they aren't. The behavior you described makes me think of the preppy type of people, ones who have to have name brand this and that and who look down on people who don't have that, either because they can't afford it or don't want to wear / have those things.
Another thought came to my mind, that maybe those other girls were newer to the country and were trying to assimilate themselves based on what they'd sene on television, which is obviously vastly different than the reality of things.
I don't know, I don't try to make judgment on people and situations I don't know. I'm just glad your growing and learning who and what you want out of life.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
2 Jul 19
That is also one of the most important lessons I learned - to reserve judgment until I have experienced it myself. That is why I was able to step out of the confines of what I think is safe and comfortable and go out and meet other people. It has been an eye-opener and something that I hope to pass on to my younger siblings now that they are going out to face the world of working professionals.
The people I described above have been here for decades - I guess they just decided that what they are is the new normal and they think there's nothing wrong with them. I have to admit that after reading your post, I realized now that I do not know everyone very well, just a few that they tagged along with. I still hope that all fo us will grow and help each other someday somehow.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
2 Jul 19
@Raine38 All you can do is hope that they'll figure it out for themselves soon enough. There are all types of people in this world, and I've come across some that I seriously wonder how they will make it through life with the attitudes they have. It's good you are taking your experience and allowing it to help your younger siblings.
@acelawrites (19272)
• Philippines
2 Jul 19
You are right; just walk away from toxic people who pretend to be your friends but backbiting you. I never thought Filipinas there have that negative attitude towards their fellowman; they should care for each other because they are in a different country although you already acquired American citizenship.
@Tonietta (1179)
•
4 Jul 19
I can relate to your story, jealousy and envious of other people is too much sometimes.
@cperry2 (5608)
• Newport, Oregon
3 Jul 19
Good for you. That shows growth. It is not something that you should ever feel shame about, excelling at what you do. Be happy with what you have and be happy with who you are. If others take issue, it is their problem to deal with not yours.
