My Niece has broken our heart
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
Banks, Oregon
July 25, 2019 7:09pm CST
As some of you know from previous posts of mine my sister has suffered from drug addiction for a number of years now, she lost her two youngest kids to Foster Care but thankfully now after two years they are with there father and there father's family.
The two eldest girls got to stay living with us which they basically have since birth even when my sister was doing ok it was my mother whom was primarily raising them and me helping everyday while my mom worked full time.
But ever since my eldest niece turned 18 she immediately started doing whatever she pleases including getting into a relationship with a 36 year old former convict and ex did addict. It just hurts so much her choices are killing me, they are probably my biggest stress of all.
Even more so then my disappointment is the fact I am hurt she has had zero contact with my mom, her grandmother in months... It's as if she has said screw you all in loving my own life now, I'm afraid of her ending up like her mother she may or may not already be on illegal drugs.
I currently am crying (what else is new) because I've found out she is once again buddy buddy with her mother the addict and she sent Jackie here to get her stuff, I flat out told her no if Brittney wants her stuff she can talk to my mom like the adult she is now...
I am so too tempted to throw all her clothes and stuff outside and have a yard sale. I can't believe she can just say forget all of you whom were there for me my entire life I'm with the druggy crew now...
My mom is still paying her phone bill I have told her she should cancel it but she still has hope she will grow up and do better with her life.
18 people like this
10 responses
@RubyHawk (99367)
• Atlanta, Georgia
26 Jul 19
that's so sad to see a young person you care about throw away her life. Your mother must be nearly out of her mind. But I've learned that there's little you can do when they get with the wrong crowd. I think it's best not to give her money or pay her bills. She needs to know she can't have it both ways.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
26 Jul 19
@ramapo17 my mom is 56 she raised her children and then her grandchildren because of my sister's addiction.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
26 Jul 19
Yes I agree I just feel so bad for my mother I feel like she's holding in her sadness over this and Brittney just doesn't care
1 person likes this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
26 Jul 19
She will always my my baby niece in my eyes but I know you are right and many have said it we have got to let her make her choices and be there when she needs us I'm just worried about her getting hurt and this guy is scum he knew her when she was in diapers
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
26 Jul 19
@cperry2 yes you have very wise advice and I agree I have told her I will always love her and she can come here anytime but he's not welcome and I will not accept the relationship.... I am praying she sees the light and I don't have to some how cave as I don't want to lose her but I just can't see anything remotely good about this guy....
2 people like this
@cperry2 (5608)
• Newport, Oregon
26 Jul 19
@chrissbergstrom That is tough. My daughter went out with a guy that was a POS for a long time. He used her through college because she could handle the math he was taking for his Engineering degree. He asked me for her hand and I told him that it was not my decision to make. That my daughter could make up her own mind and did not want or need my blessings. (She had told me the same) Anyway they ran off to Detroit when he graduated, he works for Chrysler now. Oh, once he was established, he kicked my daughter out to the street. She stayed in the area and found someone else but he too was a POS and that lasted a few months, then I got that call "Daddy, will you come and get me?" Well I did, and now she has a man who is much better for her.
The moral of all this, yes they will make mistakes, and as you said, just be there when she needs you. If this scumbag actually some how works out, be there to express your apology and accept her decision. More than likely she will see him for what he is and walk away. But, that too, has to be her decision. Any pressure from outside their little world will only make her dig her feet in.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
26 Jul 19
It's heartbreaking and just so or if character mom thinks she's finally rebelling now that she's am adult but she's holding out hope she will wake up
2 people like this
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
26 Jul 19
@chrissbergstrom Sometimes people with this kind of problem has to hit rock bottom before seeing what she is doing to your mom and her kids. You are a good brother.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Jul 19
@ramapo17 thank.you and yes I fear that's only way is for her to hit rock bottom
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (97912)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
26 Jul 19
It sounds like she could be more trouble than you can take one. She might bring her bad friends to your house and that could be trouble. Maybe some sort of counseling can help,
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (97912)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
26 Jul 19
@chrissbergstrom well I hope things can turn around and she'll come to her senses
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
26 Jul 19
@RasmaSandra yes that's my hope
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
26 Jul 19
She has not been home in many months now basically has moved out but left her stuff
2 people like this
@Michellekidwell (29953)
• Sonora, California
26 Jul 19
I am sorry you are going through this, loved ones can break our hearts. I will pray she turns her life around!
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
26 Jul 19
Thank you I appreciate kind thoughts and prayers
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12512)
• United States
1 Aug 19
Unfortunately, to agree with the majority she is an adult and she does get to live her own life whether or not you like it. I feel for you I know what addiction does to people and I can understand your concern about what she's doing. The problem is she is going to do what she wants regardless of whether or not you agree. All you can do is love her and it's ok to make it known how you feel about it. To sit there and act like you are ok with things when you aren't isn't healthy either. Your mom should stop paying for her cell phone if she wants to be an adult that means she gets to do it on her own. You don't get to be an adult one minute and not the next. This isn't a pick and choose scenario. I'm going through something similar with my brother currently. I don't support him I can't stand him and I make my feelings more or less known and I'm the only person not enabling him currently. I don't make excuses for him and I'm not pretending I'm ok with anything. You sometimes are just stuck in a situation you don't like but have to deal with. I do pray your niece sees the light and she very well might sooner than you think. All it takes is her seeing this guy for who he is. Sometimes at that age they're just blind to reality and you can't tell them anything because they think they know it all.
I have a niece I practically helped raise who is also 18 now and it's hard. My niece thankfully seems to have a good head on her shoulders I just hope it stays that way. You just never know what can come down their path and you pray for the best for them but at the end of the day the sad truth is you really have no control over their life. It's up to them and that's the part that is the hardest. Letting go and letting them make their mistakes no matter how horrible they are because other than let them know your disapproval what more can you do?
1 person likes this
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
27 Jul 19
I'm sorry your niece has turned her back on her family and has taken that road. It will be a long road back for her if she ever returns. The only thing you can do is pray for her. Don't criticize her, no matter how much you want to, just love her and let her know you care about her. That will have more effect than turning your back on her. It would be wise for your mother to cancel the phone. She's an adult, she can pay her own bills.
1 person likes this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
29 Jul 19
Yes i feel like we have to just step away and let her come back to us when she is ready....
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222288)
• United States
26 Jul 19
The only thing that you can do at this point since she's 18 is be there for her. Maybe when she's made her mistakes she'll realize what she's lost and try to get it back. Praying for you and her.
1 person likes this
@skydream (1445)
• Agate, Colorado
28 Jul 19
That is really sad and I'm really sorry you guys are going through that. Its so cruel to just up and leave the people who love and supported you forever. She's making really bad choices especially with the relationship. I get your mom having hope but I would also say to cancel it and see she wont have that support if she keeps heading down this road. I'll pray for you and for her to realize and stop before she ends up like that also
1 person likes this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
29 Jul 19
Thank you for your prayers i hope in time she will see her mistakes
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