Got triggered yesterday....
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
Perth, Australia
September 22, 2019 2:46pm CST
I wasn't going to talk about this but just kinda want to get it off my chest. I've been up all night so maybe I will be able to sleep after venting about this. (nearly 4am)
As some of you know, I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years. "Oh my god why didn't you leave??" Shhhh not as easy as you think okie dokie? Coolies!
He shall be named "Sh*tHeadWhoRuinedMostOfMyLife." Anyway, my dad and I went for a drive yesterday as we were picking something up for a friend and we were driving past the suburb "Sh*tHeadWhoRuinedMostOfMyLife." lived in. He lives somewhere else now but I know his mum and brother still live there. To make it worse, we actually drove past the house.
Along the way, my dad was talking but I zoned out. My mind was taking in all the areas along the way where something happened.
"That is where he punched me....that is where he pretended he was going to punch my face that it made me drop to me knees....that is where he accused me of cheating....that is where he threatened to kill me...that is where he said nobody could ever love me....that's the house he ran at me with knives and laughed about it" And so on and so forth.
There is way more to this story. About the past as well as the present. I don't buy this whole "We must all forgive and love each other" thing. As much as I believe in love, peace and harmony, I still wish the very worst for this....person. He does not deserve forgiveness or my kindness.
Thank you for reading. Just needed to vent.
17 people like this
16 responses
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@CarolDM Thank you very much. It did help me to vent. I wasn't on here much after this but glad to have vented about it.
2 people like this
@CarolDM (203396)
• Nashville, Tennessee
27 Sep 19
@VivaLaDani13 Keep taking care of yourself. Forget about the drama.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
22 Sep 19
I hope you will be able to sleep after venting this. I know you and I have talked about this. I'm sorry that you had to drive by those places that brought back so many memories. Did your dad not realize?
2 people like this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
27 Sep 19
@VivaLaDani13 Ah, well I'm sorry that there's no way to go around it. Honestly I would probably turn on a song that made me happy and blare the music and just try to sing along and not think about it. That's doesn't always work though.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@ScribbledAdNauseum Thank you. Soon as I saw you answered this post, I knew straight away that you would understand. My dad did realise. He knows that I don't do well with that area. Unfortunately there is no way around it. Whatever way you go, you will still go past an area that brings back memories.
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
28 Sep 19
@ScribbledAdNauseum I will take that suggestion if I ever need to go that way again so thank you. I feel that it may not always work. Might not work period but worth a shot. Thank you so much.
1 person likes this
@CookieMonster46 (13453)
• United States
22 Sep 19
Very Sorry, but I am one that just doesn't feel that you need to forgive everyone, because sometimes you just can't.. Even if you forgave him, he won't know and probably isn't worried about it. Somethings will never leave your mind no matter how much you try.
I am glad you vented about this, I hope it helped you.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@CookieMonster46 Thank you very much for your answer and for understanding where I was coming from. I really don't believe in it either.
2 people like this
@CookieMonster46 (13453)
• United States
27 Sep 19
@VivaLaDani13 I get it, I really do.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (128831)
• Gainesville, Florida
22 Sep 19
I know you have confided to me in the past some of the abusive things your ex did, but I never knew it went on for that long. I'm sorry you had to deal with that for so many years. Jerks like that give all guys a bad name. But rest assured not all us guys are like that; some of us will love you and support you and lift you up, instead of abusing you and putting you down.
Stay strong Dani! You're a brave girl who can handle anything!
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@moffittjc Thank you very much. I know not all guys are like that. I just hope he will get what he deserves.
Thank you again. 
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99353)
• Canada
22 Sep 19
I know how you feel. I was there once too and sometimes things just trigger it and takes to right back to that time. After that you feel shaken. I hope typing it out has given you some relief. The main thing is that you are no longer there..You were brave enough to finally leave. I know how hard it is to leave. People who have not been in an abusive relationship just don't get it.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@Happy2BeMe I'm very sorry to know you were in a dark place like that once before. Your comment made me tear up for a few reasons. One of them being that some people just don't get it and that is fine. I wouldn't want them to experience such a thing but it does get very hard when people say "Move on" or "Get over it" or telling me I was stupid for staying when they don't really understand how hard it is to leave. Thank you very much for your answer, for understanding and I'm sorry again for what you've been through!
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99353)
• Canada
28 Sep 19
@VivaLaDani13 thank you and you are welcome.
1 person likes this
@MommyOfEli2013 (89437)
• Rupert, Idaho
22 Sep 19
I am so sorry to hear about that....I don't buy that whole forgive/love each other thing either, some people/situations should not be included in that.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@MommyOfEli2013 I'm glad I'm not the only one to think that way. Thank you for your answer.
1 person likes this
@MommyOfEli2013 (89437)
• Rupert, Idaho
28 Sep 19
@VivaLaDani13 Well I am glad to share my response, and I am glad that we both aren't the only ones to think that way!
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@shaggin Thank you so much for your support with this. Means a lot to me.
1 person likes this
@smileyhema (4463)
• United States
25 Sep 19
Oh my God. You were definitely in a bad phase of your life. Just move on. He was very harsh to you. I'm not sure if he is realizing that all. But seriously not your problem now. Just move on, dear. You deserve better. Good that you posted to vent out your emotions. I can imagine the story as you narrated and it is scary for any soft hearted girl to handle..
1 person likes this
@smileyhema (4463)
• United States
28 Sep 19
@VivaLaDani13 Yeah, Dani! I can totally get what you're referring to. I mean it's not that easy to move on. I know! That episode of your life is still a threat to you and I'm feeling sorry for you.
One thing I want to tell you is : just be bold like you're and I'm really sure nothing will go beyond us. I'm still praying for you that this should eventually pass by and there should be some point to put a full stop to all those fear, threats. It's really a bad phase..
Just passing you my hugs. I wish all good things to happen for you ..
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
28 Sep 19
@smileyhema Thank you very much for everything you said. Really appreciate it a lot. You're a great friend.
You're a great friend.1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@smileyhema Thank you very much for your answer and kind words. I'm afraid "moving on" is way easier said that done. It's not as easy as people assume. It's not just my ex's problem. It's still my problem. With the nightmares, the triple checking locks in the house making sure I'm secure, the PTSD episodes and much more. No, it's still my problem and not easy to just move on from. Otherwise I would have many many years ago.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
23 Sep 19
I haven't been though having flashbacks like that But I imagine it is traumatic to unexpectedly be thrown into that very dark place with that very scary person. Even if for a brief period. Lots of hugs, Dani!!!! It is difficult to forget and I agree forgiveness also have
some exceptions. Not everyone deserve it. I am glad you vented our some. This wouldn't cure anything but still taking a bit of load off your chest.
You already know without me having to tell you that you can message me anytime you want to talk if or when you feel like it. No pressures or obligations.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@Daljinder Thank you DJ. I know you will understand where I am coming from. Especially since you're very familiar with this whole thing. I'm still in a bit of a mood. Some because of him and some due to other people. Which I explained a bit over Facebook. I'm just quite moody lately.
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
27 Sep 19
@VivaLaDani13 Your welcome! 
I have read your message on facebook yesterday. This time I can definitely say that I do understand the feeling. I hope you feel better soon or find a good distraction to take your mind off of things you don't want to think about.
I have read your message on facebook yesterday. This time I can definitely say that I do understand the feeling. I hope you feel better soon or find a good distraction to take your mind off of things you don't want to think about.1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130150)
• Israel
23 Sep 19
@VivaLaDani13
Dani, I am glad you vented. I am so glad you are out of that whatever it was. I hope you get closure soon. He is a nightmare. It is not easy to get out of horrible relationships like that. Some can get out and others cannot. Do not listen to what people tell you. It is not easy to get out of an abusive relationship whether it is a boyfriend or an a marriage. Either way it is hard.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@Hannihar Thank you so very much. I really appreciate your answer. It does get very hard when people look down upon the victims.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130150)
• Israel
29 Sep 19
@VivaLaDani13
You are so welcome Dani and yes you are right how people treat victims.
1 person likes this
@freelancermariagrace (29342)
• Philippines
23 Sep 19
Sorry to hear that, Dani. Stay strong!
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@freelancermariagrace Thank you very much. I appreciate it!
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@Nakitakona I am alright thank you. I'm still feeling a bit weird. It's why I haven't been on much. Just about to go to bed after I do a new post. Thank you for your concern. Always appreciated.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
28 Sep 19
@IamKYLE I can not charge someone for something that happened over 5 years ago. Bit too late for all that.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@IamKYLE The police can't help me with trauma.
1 person likes this
@birjudanak (14316)
• India
23 Sep 19
yes, my friend, I know about it and you told me before too about what happened. its such a bad incident which someone to forget easily but with time and time, I am sure you will forget it because we can't change past. I also know you are a strong personality and you did not remember it but as a pass from that place suddenly strike everything. I can say wherever he sure feel guilty or facing for his past as karma will never leave anyone. we know you are wonderful, caring and cute person and we are always here for you and i also agree with you to not forgive him because if he loved you ever then not behave like this that is for sure.at last he did a big mistake to leave a person like you
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
27 Sep 19
@birjudanak I don't think forgetting is possible. It's not easy to rid the brain of trauma. Though I am hoping over time I will eventually stop having nightmares and not be scared anymore.
Thank you so very much for your answer and support. Very sweet of you. Thank you so much!
1 person likes this
