Another Locked Up Day 4/6/2020

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So another day in quarantine. We in Tennessee, have a stay at home order until the 14th. I'm weird because though I don't actually go out normally, being told I HAVE to stay home makes me feel trapped. I'm in a weird place in general right now with everything so that small fact really doesn't matter in the scheme of things lol. You would think though, that having so much time now I would get more done. However, I feel like the opposite is true. All of my routines and structures have gone out the window. I haven't been online much to work. I've been working on getting my books scanned into my collection app and back up in the shelves right but the list of things to do is getting longer. I would have thought that it would be getting shorter by now but nope, it's longer. Financially, I feel like crying. I miss his paycheck. I know that life is important but the thing is, the bills come like clockwork and though yes life is important but if you can't do anything after this is over because you're either drowning in debt from just having to get your needs or your credit score is damaged from missing payments what's the point? I'm not trying to dwell on all the things that are going wrong right now. I'll find a way to make it, I always do but I feel like I need a place to rant for just a minute. I need a second to just cry and have a mini breakdown so I can keep it together. The bright spot is this is my dad's last week of chemo and radiation. After this week, they want him to recuperate for a month before they do the surgery. Fingers crossed that this is under control by that time because apparently now, cancer surgery is elective. I also found out from my mother in law that hernia surgery is elective as well. How is everyone else holding up right now? I know I'm piling a lot on my shoulders right now. *picture from google