What I've learnt about arranged marriages

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This is long but sometimes you can’t do a subject justice by cutting a post too short. Feel free to skip to another post. I like to think I’m open-minded and not given to make hasty decisions without knowing a little about the facts but that would not be true, especially when it comes to thinking about arranged marriages. We came head-on with these unions when we went to Nepal. I’ve had to revise my very negative thoughts. We chatted with the young man (30+) at a B&B house, which was attached to an orphanage. The orphanage had been started by his parents. They asked would he like them to find him a wife. He wasn’t going out with anyone so agreed. Wives typically move in with the husband’s family when they marry and are at the bottom of the pecking order. The wife said the first few years were hard but it is obvious that they are now a very strong team. When he married he had to provide about 30 saris for all the little girls at the orphanage but that’s another story. Our host, whose daughter’s wedding we attended, said ideally the two families meet first. Sometimes there is a marriage broker in the picture but not always. He said the parents get to know each other’s views, educational standards and opinions. Then the two young people meet and are allowed as much time as necessary to get to know each other. I'm sure many fall in love at this point. This gentleman’s first daughter had been courted by a fellow Nepali and after about 18 months, the young couple had asked the parents to arrange the marriage. I gather the father would have liked more time and more say in this union although, again, it seems strong. The father’s own wedding had been arranged and he and his wife were very devoted to each other and very happy. We didn’t talk to the young ones quite so much but all were very happy that their parents had the wisdom to choose someone compatible. It was accepted without question. Our host told us that the groom’s parents had not wanted a dowry. They were very well off. He said they said (!!) ‘we only want your daughter’. Everyone we spoke to said that if either of the young couple weren’t happy with the decision, then that was fine and negotiations would begin again. All said that in more remote regions, the outcomes were not always good with young brides being badly treated, and/or bigger dowries being demanded after the wedding. The young girl whose nephew we support had eloped to marry. In fact, we knew about the wedding before her parents. At some point later, she left her husband’s household and went home to Mum but later returned. I can't see arranged weddings working here but they do have their place in some cultures.