Falling for someone you can't be with

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If we all had a choice to pick who we fell for, then things would be so much better, we wouldn't have to cry so much because we can't have that one person we wish would only give us a chance to prove and show our love. Truth is I've been there and I really and truly wish we never met but the sad part is we did....I lost myself the day I laid my eyes on that guy but only if I knew what I knew now... He took all I had left in me and now I make people go through all the hell I went through with him .... without wanting to.... without trying to. It pains me because I've turned into the monster he wanted me to be and it hurts because people has been trying to be in my life the way I wanted to be in his. If you don't love someone... don't make them spend years fighting for u just to let them know they were being played.... It wasn't fair to me and it isn't fair to anyone else. Only if we had a choice..we could avoid one sided love.. Because I try so hard,give my all, all the time and am never the one a guy settles for. The more I tried..I kept on failing and eventually I got tired of being the one everyone turned down. I was trapped in a nest, obsessed with theses guys , never stopped loving them even when they cheated. I kept feeling weaker and weaker every single day ..I was unavailable for my friends and unable to think of anyone else... because every relationship I've had has been nothing but toxic... I have cried till I couldn't breathe and I had no experience on how to not make it hurt . it's just absolutely to much pain ... I've turned into this suicidal girl to many times because of men. And the truth behind all this is...I would have never fallen in love with him if I never met him and I prayed and cried to fall out of love but it seemed more impossible each passing day...