MyLotters: I‘m *not* your: dear / friend / my dear friend / darling / sweetie / my dear momma / auntie / Ma'm / buddy / mate / dude / bro / sis / honey / hun / love / guy.
By M.-L.
@MALUSE (69416)
Germany
June 19, 2020 3:43pm CST
Mylot is an international site spanning the globe. What we learn from reading discussions is that basically people are people. They're born, live their lives, die. They have families, jobs, build homes, buy things, etc. - or none of this. People who have no contact with other ethnicities, who do not travel to other countries may deduce from this that people are more or less alike concerning *all* aspects of life.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Customs differ widely, not only from country to country but also inside a country if the population is large. Harmless things like hand gestures can have a positive connotation in one part of the world and lead to fights somewhere else.
PROBLEM What has this got to do with myLot? Many members like to address their conversational partners. How do they do this? If they aren't well travelled - and this is the majority here - they may do this in the way they're accustomed to. I wouldn't write this if I were the only one who doesn't like to be addressed by strangers with terms of endearment. Only recently, I've seen several comments in which people state clearly that they refuse to tolerate being called 'dear', 'friend', 'my dear friend', 'honey', 'hun', 'love' or 'darling'. I'd like to add that I'm no 'my dear momma', 'auntie', 'Ma'm' to anybody. I don't care if this is seen as nice and friendly somewhere in the world. Where I live it is not. It's seen as intrusive, even insolent.
Nobody has the right to tell me what I have to like or not. Young members often forget that not every member belongs to their age group. It may not go down well with everyone if a young whippersnapper addresses an elderly person as 'buddy', 'mate', 'dude', 'bro', 'sis' or - the all-time favourite - 'guy'.
SOLUTION There will be members here who don't care. They may think this post is much ado about nothing. That's fine with me. I'm writing for the ones who do care. The solution is simple. Don't use terms of endearment for people you don't know closely. Use the name or nothing at all. Everybody understands who is meant when a comment follows another comment and refers to it. Easy peasy. Everyone will be happy.
P.S. I've occasionally asked young members from Asia what people in their countries they don't know and who could be their grandparents, would say if they addressed them in this informal way. They've always fallen over themselves apologising! At last they understood. It would be advisable if they switched on their brains before addressing people on an international site.
Obviously they know how to behave but for some unknown reason think that on a writing site like myLot manners can be forgotten.
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Picture: Jozef Mikulcik on Pixabay
22 people like this
18 responses
@acelawrites (19273)
• Philippines
19 Jun 20
I am from Asia, but I do not use "terms of endearment" to people who are not so close to me (in terms of exchange of responses here) .
3 people like this
@much2say (53868)
• Los Angeles, California
19 Jun 20
I am not into being addressed that way either - whether it is here or in real life. But I usually won't say anything about it - I figure that is their way - just not mine. If I know the person very well, I might say friend or dear friend . . . but that's about it.
2 people like this
@much2say (53868)
• Los Angeles, California
19 Jun 20
@MALUSE One should speak up - that is true. I'm just not as upfront that way . . . or at least it doesn't bother me online. If it happens in real life, I am bothered by it more . . . honey, hun, love . . . those should be saved for a person of affection.
3 people like this
@MALUSE (69416)
• Germany
20 Jun 20
@much2say Oh, I've forgotten honey, hun and love. I'll add these terms. I think waiters in the USA are the worst when it comes to using them inappropriately.
When I heard 'hun' the first time, I was deeply insulted. I thought that the person had noticed that I was German and called me 'Hun'!
3 people like this
@Debscrochet (1947)
• United States
22 Jun 20
I agree.
I also get emails that start off that way and are usually telling me a rich relative has left me money in some far away place blah blah....
1 person likes this
@healerWitch (417)
• Portugal
23 Feb 22
Goodness gracious, what an extraordinary post! I thought I was the only one!
I absolutely hate being addressed as "dude", "bro", "guy", etc, or "dear" in a condescending manner. I think one of the reasons I don't watch a lot of YouTube videos anymore (other than the occasional stand up comedy) is because this new generation always start their video intros with "what's up guys?". It infuriates me.
Many times on both social media and in person they would reply to me like "c'mon man", or "thanks dude", "I need your help bro", even when both my profile pic and name clearly shows that I'm a woman. Based on the context, even the neutral ones bothered me: "don't worry so much my friend", "you need to calm down darlin'". And I'd be "I AIN'T YOUR DARLIN' AND DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" 
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23393)
• United Kingdom
22 Jun 20
I have to say I am in full agreement with you on this issue. It may be ok in your own country but can be construed as extremely impertinent. I am afraid we were brought up to be very formal when speaking to others especially our elders even now I would not dream of calling someone love, hun or whatever the current term is and I can be quite indignant especially if someone much younger than me addresses me in that way! Those endearments should only used for those very close but to use the term dear is patronising.
Ex Prime minister David Cameron used such a term in the House of Commons to a lady MP. He said " Calm down Dear". I think quite a few mouths hit the floor both in the house and in the general public. It was being used in such a way as to demean and belittle the lady MP. Gasp, shock, horror!
I sent a message to an Indian member he refrained from using the term dear especially to Europeans as it is deemed insulting. He said he would remember that but I note he is still using that term. Oh well next time instead of trying to protect his embarrassment perhaps I won't be so polite because he quite clearly did not take it on board!
@MALUSE (69416)
• Germany
24 Jun 20
@garymarsh6 Thank you for your comments. It's good to know that I'm not the only one.
@garymarsh6 (23393)
• United Kingdom
24 Jun 20
@MALUSE I would send the link and hope that they take it on board. I would not dream of addressing you as dear except at a start of a letter which is the norm. Call me old fashioned. I guess we are just a product of our times when we were taught respect!
@Poppylicious (11133)
•
22 Jun 20
Awww, bless you, poppet! At least you've got it out of your system, my lovely!
I do use "poppet" and "my lovely" regularly both on and off line, but not on here. I don't know anyone well enough and it's just weird when you don't know someone. Far too informal. Having said that, I only find it disconcerting if done to me by some foreign chap who gives off crazy vibes. And that never happens to me, so all is good!
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (66857)
• Philippines
22 Jun 20
i address some of mylotters with the same regional language as mine as kabsat, and ading. but for many here, i do not post any endearing term. some though, i call Ma'am, or friend because they give some pieces of advice to me.
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (43059)
• Staten Island, New York
12 Jul 20
Being called a (dear) friend or some other term over and over can actually be annoying. The term friend should only be used if you actually consider that person a real friend. I've been called ma'am or miss before in real life and it makes me feel old. I do not like being called that. But still happens. Guess unless you tell someone not to call you this or that they will keep on doing it.
@LindaOHio (155390)
• United States
20 Jun 20
I've had some southern people call me hun. It doesn't bother me, especially if I've known them for a while...but I will remember your post for future communications. Thank you,
1 person likes this
@Ciskoba (243)
• Kenya
5 Dec 20
@MALUSE I understand how you feel but to some people like me who respect mothers or female genders I feel addressing any woman as mum or mother is a very huge respect because even if you deny it the fact still remains you are a mum even if not my biological but I call any woman in the world mum or even my mum.
But If you don't like it then I respect your opinion too but that is respect and every woman I know loves it when someone who is not her biological child address her as mother
@MALUSE (69416)
• Germany
5 Dec 20
Well, what is correct in your society mustn't necessarily be correct in other societies. If a young German boy or girl who doesn't know me addressed me as 'mum', I'd think that they have a screw loose or that they're pulling my leg.
But this would never happen. I think that I can speak for other European countries as well. It's just not part of our culture. Period. If you insisted on this address when talking to European women you don't know, you'd appear to be silly or even insolent.
@Letranknight2015 (51489)
• Philippines
26 Jun 20
In the past I usually starts with "hello @MALUSE" in my responses. But I can tell you this, none of my family members are on this site and I'm glad they're NOT. I tried to drag my mom over here but she wasn't interested.
