When will people learn?
@kaylachan (84703)
Daytona Beach, Florida
September 30, 2020 3:42pm CST
As many of you may or may not know, I am in a wheelchair. I have been since I was 18. Don't get me wrong, despite having obvious physical disabilities, I am very fiercely independent. Yes, at times I do need help, but I know when to ask for it.
Now comes the point. I acknowledge there are kind people in this world. They have good intentions and just want to help. I think it's rare, and more people should be kinder to each other.
But.... and this is a big one....
There is a time and place where help may not be wanted or needed.
Example: Today I was out, playing Pokemon Go like I do everyday. I have to cross a street. No big deal right? I follow the same rules of the road as any able-bodied person does. Only difference, my legs, are my wheelchair. I stopped before crossing the street to listen for traffic. Just like I am supposed to do. Some woman runs up to me, and tries to push me across the street.
So what did I do? Snap at her not to touch me, or my wheelchair. In an effort to be helpful, she could have seriously hurt me.
So, if someone asks you not to help... don't. And NEVER try to touch their medical device (if they have one). Your good intentions could actually do more harm than good.
If you offer your help to someone, please stop and back off if they tell you no.
15 people like this
13 responses
@popciclecold (40215)
• United States
30 Sep 20
Maybe, we should wait to be asked. My husband is in a wheelchair, he lives in a nursing home. Before the virus, I would go over, and try to push him, and almost run him into the wall. So I do understand.
4 people like this
@kaylachan (84703)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
1 Oct 20
That reminds me of the last time I visited my mother-in-law. She's been living in a nursing home for the last few years. Well One day, we were visiting (this was almost two years ago) and I told my husband I needed to use a restroom. Needless to say, I was helped by one of the nurses, who pushed me like we were on a race track.
3 people like this
@kaylachan (84703)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
1 Oct 20
I'm glad that you know to ask. Not only if you can help, but how, (if the person agrees).
2 people like this
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
30 Sep 20
Some people want to help, but they end up doing more harm than good, that is absolutely true. It is important to ask first and listen to the answer. My father wasn't in a wheelchair, but he was almost blind and sometimes people helped him without asking first. He knew that they had good intentions, but he didn't like it at all.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (84703)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
1 Oct 20
Not many disabled people do. It's a fact of life.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (56195)
• Canada
30 Sep 20
I can understand not wanting to be pushed across the street.
Like you said your wheels are your legs and you are capable of getting where you need to go without being pushed.
I wouldn't want anyone pushing me where they want me to go, especially around traffic.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (84703)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
1 Oct 20
Oh, I know what you mean. It's one thing when I let my husband push me places, it's another for a total stranger to do it, who doesn't know me or my condition. I cross that street twice a day. But, thanks for the reply. I just felt like venting, because I tend to feel bad when I have to get snippy with people.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (84703)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
1 Oct 20
As you should. I am as safe as I can be when I play, and always completely stopped. Kind of have to with my wheelchair being manual and needing both hands to push. But, that's what you should do.
1 person likes this
@Namelesss (3364)
• United States
30 Sep 20
I totally understand where you are coming from. Back when I was escorting blind people I noticed two things.
1) They were often ignored and talked over as though blindness meant they couldn't speak or hear.
2) Kindhearted people sometimes caused more problems than they helped.
It could get really frustrating for those in my charge and for me as well. But it's so hard getting mad at those who truly only mean to help. And you are right, it can be down right dangerous to help when you don't know how.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (84703)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
1 Oct 20
I completely agree. I didn't mention this when I posted this discussion, but I am also blind. People who really don't know me are amazed at how independent I am. I also know what it's like to be ignored, or treated differently because my wheelchair makes my disability (one of them) obvious.
Funny thing, the woman put herself, and possibly another person in danger, because of how she parked her car to race across the street to "help" me. Looking back on it, I don't feel as bad snapping at her to leave me alone.
2 people like this
@shaggin (74988)
• United States
9 Oct 20
She definitely was trying to help but she should have asked if you needed help crossing the street not to just run up and grab onto your wheelchair.
@snowy22315 (208746)
• United States
1 Oct 20
This post is a great reminder for those who have good intentions but might not be doing the right thing. I only help people wheelchair bound or able bodied if they look they are struggling, or dropped something .
@GreatMartin (23670)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
1 Oct 20
I learned a long time ago NOT to give help unless asked for. It does help if you explain to the person why you don't NEED their help! :O)
@sallypup (69157)
• Centralia, Washington
16 Oct 20
Oh yeah. One of my husband's pet peeves. Folks in his work place hold the door open for him like he is helpless. He wants them to go home with him and see the fences and gates etc. that he has built here. Drives him up the wall. One afternoon a 'helper' lady grabbed hold of the end of his cane as he was heading down some steep university steps.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (84703)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
16 Oct 20
Oh my god, that is so dangerous. Obviously, I don't do stairs. I don't have the energy or strength to haul myself up and down them. And, it's something I would never try given I have no depth perception. But, wow, just... wow.
I've complained often about stuff like that, and have had people actually grab my chair and start pushing. Almost lost a hand, because hands were on the push rims. so yeah. I think I would agree with you there.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (84703)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
16 Oct 20
@sallypup sometimes it's the little things that matter the most.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (69157)
• Centralia, Washington
16 Oct 20
@kaylachan My hubby keeps on with his battle of teaching people to not treat him like a brainless child. He's the type to hold the door for me. When we're at the grocery store and I'm putting the cart away, he is busy zipping around the car to open my door. Silly yet romantic.
1 person likes this
@Chellezhere (6421)
• United States
22 Oct 20
I am legally blind. Some people want to do for me what I can still do myself, and some think I can do the same things as the fully-sighted. But, I can't.
It's frustrating to have to explain that to able-bodied people. But, if we don't teach them, society never will.
