Need for attachment

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the most developmentally toxic thing that can happen to a human being is not having a secure attachment. the reason you’re attracted to emotionally unavailable folks, the reason you don’t leave after someone has shown you they’re abusive, the reason you get deep feelings of anxiety when your partner needs space, the reason why you feel angry when you feel intimacy, the reason you start sabotaging relationships after 3-6 months, the reason why you thrive in friends with benefits *has everything to do with your attachment style* your attachment style is how you learned you were loved, and safe. it is the most critical lesson a baby learns, cause it secures her life. the most fundamental thing for all humans is to attach securely to someone. abandonment literally meant death. if you have an insecure attachment style, it means you were robbed of the ability to feel safe, and reassured that you weren’t going to be abandoned. we learn how to attach in our family of origin relationships. so many of us grew up in invalidating environments, where perfectionism was demanded to receive love, where “ill give you something to cry about” taught us to repress our emotions, where vulnerability literally meant a threat and in our adult relationships we still seek to get our needs met—but it is a lifelong struggle to trust relationships. many of us oscillate between depression and anxiety, wanting closeness and freedom , so we run through relationships ...looking for that one source of love who will love you without conditions.