No hard liquor has been consumed. And no animals were harmed in the writing of this turgid nonsense.
By Fiacre Banks
May 3, 2021 5:01pm CST
Tonight I lie awake worrying that at the end of everything I might just turn out to be no more useful than that last sheet of toilet paper that’s stuck to the cardboard cylinder thing around which it is wrapped. The usefulness of that last sheet of toilet paper is not as a sheet of toilet paper, but as something that holds all the useful sheets in place and then it’s discarded. Now all the sheets on a roll are discarded after use - you don’t ball them up and put them in your pocket or purse ..... I hope, but maybe that’s just me. But that last sheet never gets to be used in the way all the other sheets get used - lucky it. It’s role is humble, but without it everything would fall apart. So if nothing else I’m a hero of the toilet roll so maybe I’m not so useless after all. Maybe someone should find my off button and press it. Now.
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