“Yes” is Easier than “No”

@Shiva49 Indeed I was too..now we are better hopefully. Well let them do a dance if they dont accept no.

@RebeccasFarm, I'm glad that you toughen up!

Some cannot take "no" for an answer! I make it clear others have every right to say "no". I was lost when I was young to say "no" especially to older people.

I like to decide for myself and I don't interfere in others' lives too including that of my wife or son. We are open to seeking opinions but the final decision rests on those who have to live with it. Yes, there are always the few who sort of bully others to have their way.

@meowch Yes, owning up for our decisions is the way - we reap what we sow and let us not reap what others have sown for us by default.

@Shiva49 I always see the good in others. I used to be naive but I know better because of experience. It’s good seeking opinions and you are right decisions rest on themselves.

@Shiva49 but I still need to change myself and have to learn how to politely say NO to the people. Many a times I am used by the people because of my this habit.

@sjvg1976 I agree it is not easy for some, or even most, to say "No". Some people want a reason too as if we owe them one. At workplace, I was frank to say I was not supposed to divulge some matters. If it is personal, I tell others let me take responsibility for my decisions but thanks anyway for the input. I know of cases where parents even decide the career of their children in traditional societies like a father telling " I wanted to become a doctor/engineer. I could not due to family circumstances. Please realize my dream by becoming one". One should never create such mental agony in our children.

Thanks, I too was hesitant and did not know how to stand my ground. Over time I found ways not to hurt with my "no". Then I am true to myself and to others too.

I'm learning more and more to say no and voice my opinion. I've been put into too many situations where it was hard to say no. I'm learning who to be around more and more as well.

@noni1959

I recall years ago, I was keen not to displease my friend. Soon he made some decisions for me without even checking with me! That was it, and I had to wise up to the ways of the world. Now I say "let me decide for myself". "Thanks, but let me think over". "I have my own reasons not to agree with you. Please don't press further". When I switched my ways, it gave me peace of mind.

I don't say NO "in your face" but convey my message incontrovertibly. I found myself in delicate situations and being forthright was the right thing to do.

@Shiva49 I agree.

Yes, we should find a way to get the message across but politely.

Yes, when I was young, it was not easy. Then as I started my career I was anxious to please. Then over time, it was par for the course.

My son was born fourteen years after my marriage. That meant we were quite indulgent when he wanted some things. However, I got the message across by explaining to him he had to make wise choices. If he insisted on something, it meant he was forgoing something else. And then he should see to it that he can at least maintain a lifestyle that he was used to.

@Shiva49 Yes, some cultures do not like a strong, aggressive "no". We often say "no", though, only in order to say "yes". What this means is that it is better to negotiate a win-win, than a win-lose, or a lose-win. The right "no", can often lead to a right "yes". Nothing should be caste in stone, and amiability usually is better than forthrightness.

@innertalks At times some are "yes" and "no" showing indecisiveness. When the umpire is indecisive, some tend to bully them. Once I saw an umpire being influenced by aggressive appealing by the bowler. The TV live cast was quite revealing.

The Japanese are supposed to never say "no" as it is not encouraged in their culture. One has to read between the lines, be an expert at body language! I recall years ago when we had a steamer agency contract with NYK - Nippon Yusen Kaisha. It was easy money for us but due to my predecessors taking it too easy, we were about to lose the agency. I did my my best to retain the agency and Mr Kikuchi from Dubai did not want to say "yes". After much pleading from me, he smiled and said - my driver in Dubai is also Shiva and I like him very much. That is the body language I am talking about and as near to "yes" I could get near to. In between he spoke to Tokyo for hours and I thought he was pleading our case too! I agree it depends on the society and culture too. Earlier in India, marriage was made in heaven (match made) and the children wanted to please their parents. But times have changed now - one culture, one world now - marriage followed by divorce.

Good, we need to say no when we know it is the right answer. If we try to please everyone, we end up displeasing all including us too in the bargain! I say no in many ways, sometimes subtle: "Just leave me out of this, I am not comfortable with it" "I would rather go by my judgment - please go by yours" "Let us agree to disagree - no hard feelings. Thanks anyway"

@Shiva49 Well, some of those are exactly my words latelyAnd I feel good that I do so. It's a bit of discomfort in the beginning but good for all in long run. I now know to set a boundary and limit. Earlier people took advantage of me too.

There are always the few out to grab a yard when given an inch. I tell them let me make my own decisions as only I know my circumstances.

Yes, we need to when we feel it is the right thing to do. But some can be quite demanding and persuasive.