Insecurity or just different values

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When I met Tony, one of the first things he told me was that he had dated women who had been treated badly by men, and that they didn't know how to be with someone who didn't mistreat them. Well, at the moment it feels like he is turning that around on me. Tony's first wife had cheated on him, and a later woman he was in a serious relationship with left him when he got sick (kidney disease) and went back to her ex. So the problem is that when my ex comes into the picture, he gets angry and says things like "so you're gonna go play family" and such. Well, I certainly don't "play family". I barely talk to my ex unless it's about the kids, and I almost never go to events that he's at. In the last 9 years since we separated it's been 3 graduations, 2 birthdays (special ones) and one party that he just kind of showed up at (at my sister's). This last Sunday was my twins' 21st birthday, and my ex's sister had organized a party for them. Dinner at Outback and then cake at their grandma's. Tony was invited but elected not to go because he cannot stand my ex. I went because I am not going to snub my children on a special birthday. I was in Facebook jail, so I wasn't able to post pictures of the party until Tuesday. When Tony came home, someone on Facebook, I didn't ask who, but one of his friends or family said that my posting those pictures of me at a party with my ex and without Tony was a slap in Tony's face. Seriously. Again, I really don't spend time with my ex or talk to him much. It's too uncomfortable because of the way he treated me the last few years we were married. I have never cheated on Tony. I have never thought about cheating on him. And I certainly am not interested in getting any closer to my ex. I am tempted to ask him if he stood up for me to this person. Did he tell them he was invited but chose not to go? Did he tell them he told me to have fun? Did he support that my children would be hurt if I hadn't gone? Seriously, if I was going around looking for reasons to be offended all the time, I could have considered him NOT going as a slap in the twins' faces. Sigh. Insecurity or different values?