It's Hard Monday, Ya Beatniks! (MyLot Exclusive #1022)

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There's been another tragic accident. I was power washing the fish cleaning table---Before I go on, I need to say that I don't fish. But this place is just about perfect for those who do. I'm less than a mile away from the river and two boat ramps leading into it and there are several small lakes very nearby that you can fish in---You can't use regular boat motors in most of them but they all allow electric motors. I also have plenty of room for boats and equipment---If you've never gone fishing, you wouldn't believe the number of expensive contraptions and gizmos you need to get properly bored, frustrated, mosquito bit and sunburned. I know some of you are saying, "That's very enlightening, Sir. Now, why don't you tell us how many thousands of dollars and countless hours you've poured into metal detecting to amass your impressive collection of nails, beer cans and shotgun shells, Sir." You are out of order. And you have a bad attitude. This is why you never win arguments. Now, where was I, before you so rudely interrupted me with that tidal wave of Inadmissible Losing Fake News Nonsense? Oh, yeah. All that is why I have a fish cleaning table. And while I was carefully and responsibly power washing it, something weirdly supernatural happened and suddenly the back of my right hand was bleeding because 800 layers of skin were ripped off it. My personal Physician, Dr. Morticia Strangelove, is in Vienna at a Mental Health Treatment Symposium. I don't know why. I'm not her only patient but I'm the only one that matters and no one is more mentally fit and less in need of psychiatric treatment than me. But whatever. The point is that Morticia was useless because she's in Austria. The good news is that her Assistant, Nurse Goodbody, is here and our combined Mad Medical Skillz---I'm a Gynecologist, not a Hand Doctor but I am really good with other body parts, anyway---solved the problem. So I'm recovering now. Taking all my medications---I prescribed myself internal applications of Bud Light for pain and inflammation management. You don't need a prescription for it here but the way today is going, I might end up in Kansas or Utah again by accident.