Work training class offers relationship advice, yikes
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85137)
Shingle Springs, California
July 22, 2022 11:51pm CST
So I find I get resentful when the BF gets mad at me and I didn't do anything wrong. Or when he gets passive aggressive and gets mad at me after the fact for something that he didn't tell me before the fact. And when he's grumpy with waitresses and baggers at the grocery store. And when he criticizes my kids. He's not always wrong, mind you, but I sure get resentful when I have to figure out how to approach him in order to resolve something without there being any unpleasantness.
So today I'm taking this mandatory training at work, and there's a chapter on cutting your losses. Yikes. The example was you're building an airplane that can't be detected by radar, and you've already put 90 million dollars into development, and you figure it will take another 10 million to get it right, when someone else puts one on the market that is better than the one you were developing. Do you put the extra 10 million in and complete the project, or do you decide it isn't going to sell because the one on the market is better, and you cut your losses and drop the project?
OK, now what if there is a similar plane already on the market and you haven't put anything into your plane yet. Would you put 10 million in to create something that already exists or would you go find another project?
Well, the point was that people are much more likely to quit before they've put in a lot of time and money than if they haven't. But he felt that in both cases you should drop the project.
And then he compared it to a relationship. He stated you shouldn't look back at what the relationship was, but what it is right now, and whether you believe the future of the relationship will be will be a net positive.
So if I apply this to my relationship where I am finding myself getting resentful every time certain behaviors repeat, am I going to be more resentful in the future and is it eventually going to blow up, or will it get better?
Well, heck, I don't know. If I work on it and figure out how to head his behaviors off at the pass, and if it continues to have good results, will I still be resentful that I had to do that instead of just talking directly? And will it maybe also get better when the kids are out of the house and not causing stress between us?
Again, I don't know. So I put a bunch of stuff down on paper and I'm thinking it through. There are positives for sure. He was there when I broke my ankel and when my son had court and when I was helping out my dad while my stepmom was ill and so on. But then I was there when he had kidney surgery and other hospital visits, I pay for his cell phone, I have helped with payments on his cars and so on. When we get away by ourselves, things are pretty fine.
And would I be happier on my own or do I really need to have someone in my life?
You know what I really want? To love someone with all that I am. Does that even exist? I'm 64 and who knows how many years I will have left, but I just want them to be happy ones.
Leaving an imperfect relationship for who knows what is scary. This might be my chance for happiness being thrown away, or maybe it's cutting my losses. Does making a list mean I've already made up my mind? I'm a mess. lol
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1 response
@Mysticpizza (201)
• United States
16 Aug 22
First, hugs to you.
2nd, Writing things down ALWAYS helps me. I don't consider that an arrow pointing at failure at all.
I would say work on communication. Just because someone struggles with it, most likely from last experiences in life, doesn't mean they will always suck at it. We all grow and learn. Yet, if someone refuses to grow and learn...then you can take another look.
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