How do you manage your weight struggles?

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There is a lot of talk everywhere about people wanting to lose weight. They do everything in order to try to do so, from going on minimalistic diets, to having bypass surgeries or body sculptings, or doing any number of things that will purportedly change their lives. Though I have never been through gastric surgery for weight loss, I have certainly been one of those people who has tried every fad diet, including extreme caloric deprivation, in my lifetime. Living with body dysphoria So many of us live with some sort of body dysphoria. I grew up during the days, when rail-thin models like Twiggy were the desired body types. Even though I stood nearly 5 ft 10 in tall (1.77m), and weighed about 130 lb (59 kg), I had curves in thighs and hips that didn't give me the right look. My ancestry is Scandinavian and Celtic, and looking back at old photographs of many of our family members, it's clear to me that many of them were more hardy people. I was a taller, larger bodied with huge feet, person. That wasn't accepted as a sign of beauty. It didn't help me much in the military and what their version of what women should look like in those days, either. In my early teenage years I was given a nickname of "F. A." (Fat A--) by a male family member, who encouraged others to call me the same. After I joined the military, and was in my early twenties, I was always on a weight control watch, even though I weighed about 150 lb. (~70kg). Early menopause, and lack of self worth and purpose At the age of 26, I underwent a full hysterectomy and oophorectomy, which put me in full, surgical menopause at that early age. Anyone who understands menopause, even naturally, knows that changes a woman's body based on hormones and everything else that goes along with it. That's when my weight really became difficult for me to manage. The military thought that 185 lb (84kg) was obese for me. It was a constant struggle for me to get below 168 lb, which was the top of the acceptable weight range for me. When I left the military at the age of 34, I vowed that I would never starve myself again. As well, I went through some very tough times mentally getting out of the military and feeling like I belonged somewhere. I no longer had a purpose, I was in a place in my life and a marriage that was not fulfilling, dealing with a lot of other family issues, personal issues, and so many other things that each and every one of us seem to go through in life. I ended up using food as my solace. From the ages of 35 to 55, my weight yo-yoed from 200 lb to 275 lb (~90 to 124 kg). However, just because I was big, did not mean that I was always out of shape. During some of those years, I was physically the strongest I have ever been, as I started to walk/hike in my mid to late 40s, while I was going to University. Yet, I was still a large woman. And then, there was cancer I lost a considerable amount of weight, after my early stage breast cancer diagnosis in 2007, due to my desire to get healthier. I was at 230 lb when I went through my breast reconstruction in 2008. In a couple of years I was back up to 255 lb, and then I started to lose a considerable amount of weight, not understanding just how ill I was. I chalked it all up to the fact that in 2010 and 2011, I lost two very dear friends, ages 41 and 31, to cancer. Five months later, my mother died. I believed that all of the gut issues that I was having were from the stress of everything. The upside to all of it was that I was losing a considerable amount of weight, and I didn't see it as anything other than being glad that I was getting down in weight. I lost over 50 lb (23 kg) in 3 months. In May 2012, I was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroendocrine tumor cancer (NETs). Most of you already know much of that situation, so I won't explain much of these last 10 years, or this will be a full-blown novel. What I will say is that in these last 10 years, my weight has fluctuated. During my more depressed times, I'm heavier because I give up on moderation and health, thinking that it doesn't matter anyway, because I'm going to die. There is no cure for the cancer I have. I have no control over it. When it decides to overcome me, it will do so. But what I have control over is looking at what I do have control over, Facing facts, and being honest with myself Fast forward to now. I have shared with you openly my struggle on the journey with weight. By April 2020, I had lost 50 lb over 2 years, by walking and hiking, and by eating healthily, and eliminating the gimmicks that I once used. I was 185 lb/83.9 kg. And then, the covid pandemic hit, and in 2 years I put back on 22 lb/10 kg, as did many of us. I know that eating a banana, cut up over a cup of plain Greek yogurt, and sprinkled with a quarter cup of chopped almonds has 425 calories, and those calories break down to 37% carbohydrates, 35% fat, and 28% protein (more than 31 g of protein). It's high in calcium, and potassium. It offers so much nutritional value and the sugars in it are naturally occurring. (See link below) Compared that to eating a 2/3 cup serving of a national brand of strawberry yogurt, which at times I have used as a meal replacement, because it only has 150 calories, and then think it's going to make me lose weight. That serving of strawberry yogurt has only five grams of protein. When you look at the list of ingredients on a product like that, the second ingredient listed is sugar, and has 16 grams of added sugar for that 6 oz. Like me, many people wonder why they're not healthy, or why they can't lose weight, when they're limiting their nutritional caloric intake to these few calories. We try to replace our meals with a smidgen of food amount, which has depleted nutritional value. It doesn't allow our bodies to do what it needs to do. Our bodies starve themselves, as they start holding on to the fat for the energy needed. Even eating proper foods in healthy amounts allows us to use calories to digest it. I, too, fall into the quick and easy meal options from time to time. Then, I recognize just how much I'm hurting myself and slowing down my metabolism by doing so. I have opted for those meal replacement bars, some of which have 20 G of protein. They range from 100 to 400 calories at a time. Quite honestly, for me, it's like eating a candy bar. And it makes me want more. I have been known to eat two or three of those at a time, because it doesn't give my body everything it needs, which is part of the digestive process to chew and eat healthily. Those two or three can turn into five or six quite easily. It's why I don't keep them in my home anymore, especially those with almonds and chocolate. I might as well just get a chocolate bar, if I'm craving a bit of chocolate and sugar. But to use them as a meal replacement? I can't do it. My choices for today Today, I was tempted to go buy a couple of those delicious bars. I had to make a conscious choice not to. In one of the KIND® brand bars that I like, it has 230 calories. It gives me 12 G of protein. One bar does not satisfy my nutritional needs. Honestly, it doesn't even satisfied my sugar and crunch cravings, so I'd eat two. That would have given me 460 calories and 24 g of protein. Instead, I fixed myself a sandwich for lunch. I used two slices of sourdough bread, one foil packet of albacore tuna, one teaspoon of mayonnaise, 1 tsp of relish, a half cup packed of salad greens and spinach, black pepper and onion powder. This sandwich has 432 calories, the albacore providing 16 g of protein, and the Seattle sourdough bread providing 10 g for a total of 26 g of protein for this meal. This was a satisfying, and healthy meal, and two hours later, I'm still not hungry for things that are going to sabotage what my body needs to do naturally. I admit that it's taken me a while to figure this one out. It also requires me to stay vigilant about what I know is truth, and based on science, rather than emotionally buying into the hype of dishonest marketing about health and wellness. More so, I know that I have to be honest with myself, and it requires me to make that decision on a daily--sometimes, minute by minute--basis. Staying in the now, when making choices When it all comes down to it, we get to make choices. It's bad enough that we get so many messages by others who either want our money, or want to sabotage us in our successes... Or both. But I know that my biggest saboteur is myself, with my self doubt, the blame that I place on whatever has happened in my life, and vthe lies that I often tell myself, especially when I'm scared or tired of having to make those decisions. This is such a journey. It's not an easy one to have to traverse. But all we can do is get up every day, and try to do it better than we did the day before. And that is what I always have to remember. Photo is my own.