They Didn't Need Anything
By much2say
@much2say (53443)
Los Angeles, California
September 18, 2023 1:42pm CST
It was often hard to buy gifts for my parents.
If we asked what they wanted, they would ALWAYS say "We don't need anything - we have everything". Same answer every time. But it was true - having the basics were truly enough for them. Plus they are not the type of people who would ever make gift requests.
Later in life, I just never asked them. I knew their answer. So I'd really put thought into finding appropriate gifts for them. There was always something out there I knew they could appreciate.
During the pandemic, we did not have family get togethers or celebrations (only outdoor visits). As none of us were shopping, we did not exchange gifts either. However, I couldn't leave it at that. I made meals and desserts for all the occasions and holidays throughout the year - and delivered it to them. It filled my heart to see they were delighted with my food gifts. Long story, but it meant a lot to know my dad enjoyed my cooking and apparently he looked forward to more.
I just found out that during these past three years, my sister had still been asking each holiday/occasion what they wanted. As you'd think, my parents said the same thing they always did . . . that they don't need anything and they have everything. And guess what - that is exactly what she gave them - NOTHING. 
Who does that 
? It even stunned my parents. It's not that they wanted anything, but it was just "weird".
Do you have family members who bark that everyone else has issues, when they themselves do weird things?
Who does that ? It even stunned my parents. It's not that they wanted anything, but it was just "weird".
Do you have family members who bark that everyone else has issues, when they themselves do weird things? 21 people like this
19 responses
@RebeccasFarm (111544)
• Wheat Ridge, Colorado
18 Sep
She is the limit Much.
How low really. Sorry to say but it is in my book.
Well, yes I do, but you are already privvy to that evil sister right?3 people like this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
18 Sep
You know it . . . it made me sick to hear about it. Apparently too she said she would do this or that for them - and never did. I didn't have the word for it when I posted - but it IS like you said . . . LOW. And I know - your sister too - our sibs are a piece of work !!!
!!!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (77382)
• United States
18 Sep
Your sister would have made my dad very happy. He hates people spending money on him, and when he says he wants nothing, he means it. So, one year, I spent $15 on an empty jar labeled “Nothing”. No, that wasn’t all I got him that Christmas, but it seemed to be his favorite gift I ever got him. He even brought it to church to use as an illustration in his sermon. 
It wouldn’t feel right to not do something for my parents. They’d be happy, but it would feel wrong. Your food idea was perfect, and I am glad you did it. Your going to have way more regrets than you ever do.
It wouldn’t feel right to not do something for my parents. They’d be happy, but it would feel wrong. Your food idea was perfect, and I am glad you did it. Your going to have way more regrets than you ever do.3 people like this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
19 Sep
Oh my goodness that Nothing jar is hilarious . . . and to know that was your dad's favorite gift 
!! Love it, love it!
You said what I couldn't think of . . . exactly . . . it just wouldn't feel right to not do something for my parents. I'm glad I was able to cook for them too. As for my sister, she already harbors a lot of resentment, so yah, she'll have regrets one day on top of that.
!! Love it, love it!
You said what I couldn't think of . . . exactly . . . it just wouldn't feel right to not do something for my parents. I'm glad I was able to cook for them too. As for my sister, she already harbors a lot of resentment, so yah, she'll have regrets one day on top of that.2 people like this
@infatuatedbby (98003)
• United States
19 Sep
I can totally relate because my parents' want NOTHING for every occasion. Even if I buy them stuff and put thought they still *don't use the item* and want to save it because the one they have is totally fine in their eyes even though it really isn't.
Aww that is so sweet your dad enjoys your cooking and looks forward to more.
Yes, that's weird of your sister to do nothing 
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
23 Sep
Oh my gosh that's totally how it's like here. I know there was a pile of stuff they had saved that we've given them too 
.
See, my dad used to be ultra critical - so I didn't think he really cared for my cooking. But later on, especially during the pandemic, my parents really appreciated the meals I cooked and delivered for them. My dad never actually complimented me personally, but he told my mom - and she told me. It meant a lot to me to be able to to do that . . . I just wish my dad had more years so he could continue to enjoy them.
Seriously - my sister can be a piece of work sometimes 
.
.
See, my dad used to be ultra critical - so I didn't think he really cared for my cooking. But later on, especially during the pandemic, my parents really appreciated the meals I cooked and delivered for them. My dad never actually complimented me personally, but he told my mom - and she told me. It meant a lot to me to be able to to do that . . . I just wish my dad had more years so he could continue to enjoy them.
Seriously - my sister can be a piece of work sometimes .1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
24 Sep
@infatuatedbby Since my mother had been clearing out stuff this year, some of it came back to us. She cleared out A LOT.
Awww - your mom's text 
! Yah, "I love you" was not in our home vocabulary either. Not even hugs. My parents didn't hug us but they always hugged my kids, their grandkids. Yah, not an Asian thing to do to show love. Right - we "show" love by what we do even if we don't say the words.
It's a long story, but my younger sister showed her resentful self when my dad was in the hospital. Things got weird and awkward through my dad's final days and after he passed away. She made things more stressful and complicated for my mom and I. We stay civil, but sadly I know her true colors now . . . so I keep my distance. I have to .
! Yah, "I love you" was not in our home vocabulary either. Not even hugs. My parents didn't hug us but they always hugged my kids, their grandkids. Yah, not an Asian thing to do to show love. Right - we "show" love by what we do even if we don't say the words.
It's a long story, but my younger sister showed her resentful self when my dad was in the hospital. Things got weird and awkward through my dad's final days and after he passed away. She made things more stressful and complicated for my mom and I. We stay civil, but sadly I know her true colors now . . . so I keep my distance. I have to .1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (98003)
• United States
23 Sep
@much2say
Sigh, I wish our parents' used the things we gave to them instead of saving it.
Awww, that is really sweet your dad complimented to your mom and she told you It's hard for Asian parents' to show their love (or at least my parents'). I went through my moms text message the other day and I saw she wrote Happy Birthday to my niece and my sister sent photos. Then my mom wrote "Have fun. Love you all". I got teary, I never saw my mom write love you 
Also, I don't use the I love you word to them either since we weren't grown up with it. But we show by our actions and give giving or food making instead.
Are you on good terms with your sister?
It's hard for Asian parents' to show their love (or at least my parents'). I went through my moms text message the other day and I saw she wrote Happy Birthday to my niece and my sister sent photos. Then my mom wrote "Have fun. Love you all". I got teary, I never saw my mom write love you
Also, I don't use the I love you word to them either since we weren't grown up with it. But we show by our actions and give giving or food making instead.
Are you on good terms with your sister?1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16339)
• China
19 Sep
Your parents must have felt sad at that moment when your sister gave no gift to them.Just because your parents said they needed nothing didn't mean your sister could give them nothing ! Giving parents gifts on festivals is a filial duty here .Even though the gifts are not what parents want ,they generally won't look the gift horse in the mouth.You are more considerate of your parents than your sister.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
27 Sep
On the cultural side of things, I know you would understand me on this - yes, filial duty - exactly. It is not about the gift, but the action of thinking about loved ones. My parents felt it was odd . . . not that they were "expecting" anything, but it was disappointing - in the same line as bad manners perhaps. I would never do that - not to my parents and not to friends or anyone! Oh this year has been a very difficult year with my sister . . . since before my dad's passing.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16339)
• China
28 Sep
@much2say Yes,it is the thought that counts,no matter how much you give parents.We should keep it in mind how much we owe to our parents.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
29 Sep
@changjiangzhibin89 I completely agree. My sister keeps talking about the past - repeatedly - about her resentments and such. This shows more than the gratitude she should be showing towards our parents. It is sad, but perhaps one day she will realize - or maybe not.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Sep
I thought it was rude too. I mean, one does not ask and not give anything at all . . . especially to your own parents? My parents weren't sad or mad about it . . . but they did find it to be odd - they would never do such a thing.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
24 Sep
@LadyDuck Right. I do think "something" should have been brought - if even a card. My sister does weird things like this. She has told my kids that she is so late in buying their birthday gift . . . and then she ends up not getting anything at all. My kids know not to expect gifts from anyone - so they don't get disappointed about it, but it's weird to for her to have mentioned it without following up on it. And it's really hard to understand when she is the one bragging she is buying from Amazon all the time .
.1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
18 Sep
Yep. My sister is often quick to criticize others, but she must not be self aware - sometimes she can be so downright rude. Right - my parents never really needed another "thing" - food stuff always went over well as they rarely ate out.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (160037)
• United States
18 Sep
Not really, my family is pretty chill in that way. I mean sis is resentful I guess..since she thinks she has to do everything...but she is one of those who takes a lot on, and lives much closer than I do.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (160037)
• United States
18 Sep
@much2say My sis can be very petty about certain things, and doesn't mind ruining everyone's time so she can express her ire.. Apparently she thinks she never does anything wrong...
. You know what they say, you can choose your friends but not your relatives. She is loving though and means well...no one cares more than she does really....she just lets superficial things get to her.
. You know what they say, you can choose your friends but not your relatives. She is loving though and means well...no one cares more than she does really....she just lets superficial things get to her.1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
19 Sep
@snowy22315 Right . . . for me, honestly, if we weren't sisters, I don't think we'd be friends . My sister just flies off her mouth (or via text) and can get nasty with her words. And she often turns it around and makes it about herself. Yah, and her way is always the better way . My sister tries to act helpful but she complicates things and then the simplest things turn into stresses. Ugh.
. My sister just flies off her mouth (or via text) and can get nasty with her words. And she often turns it around and makes it about herself. Yah, and her way is always the better way . My sister tries to act helpful but she complicates things and then the simplest things turn into stresses. Ugh.2 people like this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
18 Sep
That's good! My sister and I do different things for my mom, but for some reason she is thinking she does everything (which is not true). I live closest to my mom - cook, shop, and other things - yet my sister seems to criticize everything I do. She is the one who harbors a lot of resentment towards us (mom, late dad, and me) and goes on a high horse . . . she must not be self aware about some things.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
24 Sep
Even til this day, even though she goes to my mom's, they don't really have deep talks like my mom and I do. During the pandemic, when I made any deliveries to my parents, I'd always stay for a bit to have a chat (that was always outdoors btw). My sister lived further so she didn't visit too often, but the times she'd come, she'd drop off stuff and leave almost right after. My parents thought this was a bit odd . . . but wouldn't anyone think that too?
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
27 Sep
I think it's fun to be surprised 
. It isn't about the gift, but to be thought of. See, you still gave gifts even though it may have been work to figure out what to give - you still thought of your sisters. My sister asked, but did not give . . . I thought that was weird (and rude).
. It isn't about the gift, but to be thought of. See, you still gave gifts even though it may have been work to figure out what to give - you still thought of your sisters. My sister asked, but did not give . . . I thought that was weird (and rude).
@LindaOHio (133042)
• United States
19 Sep
My SIL is the winner in that category. I don't even want to discuss it. Hope you have a good day.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Sep
@LindaOHio Now that it's the end of the week, have a great weekend 
!
!1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (133042)
• United States
21 Sep
@much2say Thanks. I hope you're having a good week too!!!
1 person likes this
@freelancermariagrace (27024)
• Philippines
19 Sep
I always make sure to buy my parents “something,” even I will just go out to buy some groceries. They are kind of hard to please, but I still make sure to buy something for them. And food is always a great idea :)
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
24 Sep
I have done the same for my parents. During the pandemic, I bought groceries according to their list because we did not want them to have to risk going to stores. But I always bought them extra things . . . snacks, new vegetables or fruits, something to make it all exciting for them. If my sister came (she lives further away but she lives near Asian markets), she would bring exactly what was on my parents' list, nothing more. Not that she should have been obliged to do that . . . but that is how different we are in terms of "giving.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
28 Sep
@freelancermariagrace Yep. Especially for our parents.
1 person likes this
@freelancermariagrace (27024)
• Philippines
28 Sep
@much2say Likewise. Always try to go beyond
1 person likes this
@coldplay8 (10530)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
22 Sep
well, my sister and i bought fancy stuff for my mum, that she never wore and she also didn't want anything, saying she has everything, us. i am glad that later she embraced smaller gifts from us;candies and such
1 person likes this
@coldplay8 (10530)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
25 Sep
@much2say i agree with you.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (154418)
• United States
19 Sep
Oh, I know, we all are weird. I love your meals as gifts, it was very thoughtful.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (126680)
• India
19 Sep
There is one nephew of mine who visits me with his family and has even stayed with us but never brings any thing Probably he thinks we have everything (lol)
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Sep
It's interesting how some people don't think to do these things . . . my parents didn't exactly teach me, but I know in watching them, it has been ingrained in me that we do/give "something" if we visit - and especially if we stay over.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (38131)
• United States
19 Sep
Our family isn't wealthy, but we're blessed to have all we need and most of what we want. It gets harder every year to know what to give at holidays, but we still come up with something. The grandkids just want money, but we also give one gift that's personal.
Your idea for your parents was brilliant and so meaningful.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53443)
• Los Angeles, California
24 Sep
My family is not wealthy either - we feel fortunate to even be able to sustain simply. My parents were never about "things", but like you said, they and we still come up with something. The food idea just happened to work out perfectly . . . I just wish my father had lived longer to be able to enjoy more of it.
Thank you!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (315181)
• Rockingham, Australia
19 Sep
My parents would say this too and we say it to our boys but I also try to suggest something as they desperately want to buy us something. I try to make any suggestions that are meaningful but not expensive as neither have much money. Once, I gave a list of four books I wanted and said I didn't mind if they were second-hand. I thought that way it would still be a surprise which one he picked. However, come Christmas, he gave me all four! I've also suggested a nice coffee mug and Christmas ornaments for the tree. I always bought my parents something.
I've also suggested a nice coffee mug and Christmas ornaments for the tree. I always bought my parents something.1 person likes this
