My Second Marriage ~ Part Three
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (189793)
Boise, Idaho
January 14, 2024 4:03pm CST
We continued to go and visit him for a long time. We even got to where we could have conjugal visits in trailers that were back behind the prison building. I would buy groceries and we would have 24-48 hours together. I did take my daughter once and it was a nice family occasion. I do recall after one of these visits I was taken inside the prison and I watched as guards brought him outside the trailer, and put him in arms and leg shackles before taking him back to where he was being housed. My reaction was a horrible feeling of sickness in my stomach and tears came to my eyes. I felt like they were treating him like an animal. I knew I wasn't inlove with him but I did care for him and hated to see him treated like this.
At one point there was a lockdown soon after my daughter and I had gone up to see him. We spent nearly our entire vacation(a week) waiting for word that things had cooled at the prison and that there was some home we'd be able to go up for a visit. I hadn't seen him in months and wanted to talk to him face-to-face. Finally, a couple of days before I had to get back to work I was able to go up for a visit.
I don't remember where I was or how it happened but I happened to see an old friend I had known when I was working as a cocktail waitress. He had wanted a relationship back then and things just never happened. We started talking. I told him my situation. He was appalled that I was married to an inmate. Over time he made me see some things I hadn't previously and I was ready to get out of this situation I had gotten myself and my daughter into. In time I realized I was losing interest in DCN and I told him I was thinking about a divorce. I was actually later happy that I did. I spoke to DCN on the phone after he had finally gotten out. He was writing bad checks and I knew it was just a matter of time before he'd be back in prison. I wonder sometimes if I had stayed with him if he would have stayed away from bad dealings and kept out of prison. This is something I will never know.
14 people like this
12 responses
@RebeccasFarm (91299)
• United States
14 Jan 24
Sorry you had to deal with that..heartbreaking too. But you got through it. Not sure if he would have straightened out if you had stayed..somehow experience tells me I doubt it. They never seem to change.
3 people like this
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jan 24
I doubt it too. I enjoyed the adventure.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (91299)
• United States
15 Jan 24
@celticeagle You did and I am so glad to be able to read it here..thank you so much..it is valuable experience too.
1 person likes this
@MarshaMusselman (38865)
• Midland, Michigan
15 Jan 24
I agree. If he was going to change he would have made changes in prison too.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (97912)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
14 Jan 24
Sorry you had to go through such a difficult situation, You were right in getting the divorce and distancing you and your daughter from him, It sounds like he was never going to go the right track,
2 people like this
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jan 24
Nope. And if I tried to get him to there would be a problem. He was quite an adventure though.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (51811)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
15 Jan 24
Who chronicled your conjugal visits?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jan 24
@BarBaraPrz .......Oh, spell check changes some letters. Sorry. It should be conjugal.
1 person likes this
@much2say (57760)
• Los Angeles, California
18 Jan 24
Even though it was quite the adventure, I do think it was good that you eventually outgrew it/him. Maybe he was likable, but the prison stuff would just be too hard on the relationship . . . people like that often don't change.
1 person likes this
@MarshaMusselman (38865)
• Midland, Michigan
15 Jan 24
I'm sure he wouldn't have changed had your stayed with him. I didn't realize that you already married him. Did you mention that in part one? If so I missed that.
I'm glad the person you knew years ago helped you see the light. How old was your daughter when she first met him and then when you got your divorce?
I started with my first husband 6.5 years even though after a year I knew I made a mistake. We never had any children together.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jan 24
My daughter was about eight or nine. She was about twelve when I divorced him. I'm glad we didn't have any children. I had had a hysterectomy by this time.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jan 24
@MarshaMusselman .......Yes, last month.
1 person likes this
@MarshaMusselman (38865)
• Midland, Michigan
17 Jan 24
@celticeagle at least your fire or when your did. That wouldn't have been much of a life.
Have your ever shared about your first marriage?
1 person likes this
@aninditasen (18198)
• Raurkela, India
15 Jan 24
I think you should forget it like a nightmare. God saved you in time.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jan 24
@aninditasen .......Because he became abusive and nearly made me drop my daughter.
1 person likes this
@aninditasen (18198)
• Raurkela, India
16 Jan 24
@celticeagle Why did you move out of your first marriage?
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169406)
• United States
15 Jan 24
I doubt he would have "gone straight" even for you. I am sorry this happened in your life.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jan 24
That is a major reason I did decide to divorce him.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222222)
• United States
15 Jan 24
I'm glad you saw the light and got rid of him. Way too much drama for me.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jan 24
It was an adventure and I learned a lot.
1 person likes this
@TraveOnWorld (851)
• Georgia
15 Jan 24
I've worked in a community corrections office - the recidivism rate where I was, was in excess of 95% - not because of poor life choices or poor education, but because after a long time inside a prison, a person's outlook on life changes and it is extremely difficult to adapt to life outside of that sick environment.
Your journey with this person was maybe something you might have needed and it is good you tell yourself this. But I would rather say that you were played. You were used by a predator intent on getting as much of what he needed from you at little cost to him. Your impressionable mind was hijacked by a master of the art.
This is, unfortunately, a pattern many working with prisoners will know about. The warden was right to warn you. And a very good thing you did finally see the light. No need to wonder, you are better off not being a part of the world he created for himself.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jan 24
I disagree totally. If anyone was 'played' it was him. I married him for the adventure of it. There was no coercion or anything of the sort. He loved me and I still feel bad for hurting him. Sure the warden was right in warning me. But I took the chance for the pure adventure of it. I do agree with your last sentence.
