Puting Elderly Parents in Resthomes or Nursing home ?

@cclay34 (486)
United States
December 15, 2006 1:10am CST
I am always saddened when I see someone place a parent or grand parent in a nursing or resthome and it is sad to say but when that happens most are just left and forgotten. These are the people who gave birth to us, fed and cared for us, loved us even when no one else did, these are the people that made sacrifices and did without the things they needed or wanted just so we could have a good life with a warm dry place to live and food in our stomachs. How do we repay them ? When they need us the most we take them away to a home just like we would take a stray dog to the pound,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, We should all be ashamed of ourselve, ashamed for abandoning the ones that love us the most, Ashamed for not taking care of the ones that mean the most to us just because it will interfere with our pitiful daily little unimportant lives,,,,,,,,,, SHAME SHAME SHAME on all of us
1 person likes this
16 responses
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I use to work at a nursing home. It is sad to see people abandoned. I know a lot of children had to put their parents there and I'm sure they hated doing it, but I can't understand why they don't come by as often as possible to check on them and spend time with them. Some of them get so lonely. There are some that were there also that didn't have any family left. I get upset sometimes when people are so critical of nursing home workers. There are good ones and bad ones just like anywhere else, but most of the people I worked with loved the residents there and the residents loved them but nothing can replace family.
@cclay34 (486)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I also am a former nursing facility worker. It is amazing how fast people are forgotten after they are put in a nursing home
• India
18 Dec 06
At least in our country India, there are only few such cases. In foreign, it is common. It is unjustified. We should not give treatment like this to parents, who have given birth in the earth to us. To keep away from parents interference, many people prefer to stay their parents in oldhouse etc. It is really shamefull. Thanks for starting good topic here. At least someone of us can think about it, if he is giving this type of treatment to his/her parents. He may change his view after taking part in this discussion forum. Good Luck !!! Let us hope for better !!!
@nanna_m (71)
• United States
16 Dec 06
Unfortunately sometimes a nursing home or assisted living quarters is the only answer. I believe the family, if there is one, should do any and everything possible to see that their loved ones are cared for properly and that all their needs are met...whether they can provide this themselves as a family, or if they must put them in a home. It really depends on the individual's health and also the health and financial situation of the care taker.
@hemesh (214)
• India
16 Dec 06
Thats a bad idea. DID your parents send you to the hostel when you were young ?
@JC1969 (1226)
• United States
16 Dec 06
Well as a medical professional, I have worked in a few nursing homes in my time, and I have to say that most of my patients/residents were not dumped and just forgotten. There are many different reasons why families choose to seek out the assistance of a nursing home specifically. Most choose this option because they can not give their full and undivided attention to the health care that is necessary for their parent. It's not easy to care for someone with lets say alzheimer's disease, or advanced staged Parkinson's disease, or someone who has had multiple strokes, or someone who is in a vegetative state. So, instead of giving poor quality care they seek the assistance of professionals who can give the care needed. However, my pet-peeve is that many families do not fully look at the services offered and the quality of the facility they choose, and there are some sub-standard facilities that do fly under the inspection radar, and in this case, your loved one would be better off somewhere else. Not everyone can afford having a live in nurse or a visiting nurse to come to their home and care for a aging and sickly parent, and doing so themselves can be a stressful situation not just for the child, but for their whole family. Also, many aging people, who still maintain a self sufficient life-style, but maybe want a little help now and then but do not want to give up all independence, like the option of an assisted living facility. Many aging choose this option of their own free will and not because their kids won't take them in. Sure, some kids do dump and forget about their parent(s), but it is far less of a percentage than you might believe. Again, before you cast stones, let me ask you if you are prepared to do all the cares for an elderly parent stricken with alzheimer's and who is often combative (I mean literally beats on you), wanders, and needs supervision 24/7. Maybe you have kids of your own, maybe you work a job, maybe your parents medical coverage does not cover a home health aid or visiting nurse. You are all alone, and your loved one is not getting the best care from you because you can't give that 24/7 care they require. Do you think it is better to keep your parent in your home and not give them the quality of care they require? Because that is a bit abusive, especially when you can find a facility that can give the quality care, and allows you to be part of the care plan. Yeah, bet you didn't know that most nursing homes have a monthly care plan meeting and include the family of the patient. I think it is a hard decision for any family, but families arrive at it, for the most part, with the best interest of the parent in mind. I've already told my children, when I am old and aging and maybe even sickly, that they should search out a quality facility and they should not think twice about placing me and/or their father in one.
@valmiki9 (1171)
• India
16 Dec 06
World is becoming more and more selfish. When i was studying I learnt that Eskimos left their aged people in snow as there is always food scacity in Arctic region.Now there is scarcity all over the world so people want to abandon their old parents etc.I have seen people abandoning their old at railway stations after bringing them for a fare or annual festival etc.
@pennycan2 (251)
• United States
16 Dec 06
my grandmother went into assisted living and when she could no longer care for herself, we put her in the nursing home with her consent. she had the option of a sitter staying with her but she chose the nursing home with was brand new and very very nice. no one abandoned her and as much as we could we would visit. that side of my family lives 6 hours away so it was months before I would see her at a time, but her sons and daughters took turns visiting her every day. I dont think that all who place their loved ones in the care of a nursing home are abandoning them. just sometimes, you can not quit your job and stay home to take care of them especially if you have no proper medical training. some nursing homes are very bad places for our elderly but that is up to the children to research before they place their loved ones in. we did all that before placing my grandmother so we are all very happy with the decision to place her and she was contented until she passed away last year.
• India
16 Dec 06
why shud we even think abt it ?? they house we are staying , is made by them . we are grown up and strong and living just bcoz they were there to take care of us... then why cant we take care of them whn they are not able to do it thmselsv??? sahme on thos ppl who consider their parents as burden..don forget u wud also grow old someday
• United States
16 Dec 06
Depends on the situation. Some families are unable to provide the care that their loved ones need. Some of them may not even have family. A lot of parents don't want to be a burden on their families either. I'd prefer to keep my parents at home with me if possible, but we'll see what happens when they get to that point.
• India
16 Dec 06
That is a real bad habit.....gotta say!
• United States
16 Dec 06
I work at the hospital on a Rehab unit and I deal with elderly folks that have fallen and broken a hip, have a head injury, stroke, recovering from a heart attack, etc. Some of the patients we have improve tremendously and are able to be safe at their home, but there are others that take 24-7 care. Some take 2-3 people to help move... how can you expect family to do this full time and still work full time? However, I do know what you mean about some people "abandoning" their parents- in these cases it is very sad. But please, understand that this is not every case and nursing homes have a very bad rep, but trust me, they are absolutely necessary as long as heart attack and stroke are the leading deseases in america.
@caramello (4381)
• Australia
16 Dec 06
Sometimes it is very necessary to place family members in homes, for their own well being, moreso if they suffer from some form of Dementia. Although it seems cruel to do so, it can be a very big strain to look after someone as they need 24/7 care! I think the "Shame" you are throwing out needs to be more understood at the reasons this is done! For those that it is not a health issue maybe, but for anything else, sometimes it just has to be done!
@terita (280)
• Pakistan
16 Dec 06
i will never do this.i will tkae care of my parents by myself
@SimplyMe (373)
• United States
16 Dec 06
Pardon me, but sometimes a nursing home is absolutely necessary! My father-in-law was recently diagnosed with a form of Alzheimer's disease and at first, my mother-in-law refused to consider nursing home care, but after two months of his staying up all night and wandering off and eating dangerous things, she realized home was not the best for him and she was compromising her own health and sanity by having him there. So before you heap shame on those of us who have parents who are afflicted with terrible diseases, try walking in our shoes. I guarantee you will realize that sometimes nursing care is a godsend!
@maddog108 (3441)
• Australia
15 Dec 06
i stay at my mums plase looking after her shes not going into a nurseing home if i can help it how ever at times its not an easy job so i can understand why some people do its not for every one but if you can keep them at home as long as possible they will live longer
• United States
15 Dec 06
my dad says his preference is to go to assisted living, rather than be in a room in my home.