Breakup of a Relationship
By lauriefnp
@lauriefnp (5109)
United States
December 20, 2006 1:08pm CST
How do you tend to deal with the breakup of a relationship? Do you try to be "friends", or is it best for you to make a clean and total break?
For me, this would depend on the reason for the breakup. If he was lying or cheating, I would find it hard to consider him a friend, and would say that a total break would be best.
Most of the time, I prefer things to be civil. Even if I say that we'll be "friends", this generally means that we will be mature, polite, and not vengeful towards each other. Except for my one true best friend, who was actually a boyfriend and it didn't work out, I think that it is difficult to transition from lovers to casual friends.
What do you think?
5 people like this
13 responses
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Most all of my "ex" boyfriends have remained friends or at least acquaintances. I can honestly say the only one I would NEVER consider a friend but am still civil to because we have kids is my ex husband. Otherwise I'm an adult and 2 adults should be able to break up with some decency towards each other.
I do believe it takes some apart and grieving time to move on but end result should be the ability to be friends.
@ElusiveButterfly (45941)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I can't understand why people who have children together can't be civil to one another. For me and my ex, we have been able to put our differences aside.
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
16 Feb 07
Exactly! There's enough hatred around without adding our own.
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
14 Feb 07
This is how I feel. There is already so much hatred and animosity in the world. Why add more to our lives?
2 people like this
@uvbnskoold (499)
• Canada
21 Dec 06
I think you're right, it all depends on the circumstances which broke up the relationship. I would find it hard to trust someone who cheated on me, and trust is the foundation for ANY friendship.
My wife and I broke up for about a week shortly after we were married, for various reasons. One thing we swore to always do is treat each other with respect. It would have been a clean breakup and neither one of us had any animosity towards the other, it had just been a roller coaster ride since the beginning of our relationship and we never really had time to be alone together before we were married (long story). We would have remained friends even if there wasn't a child involved. But these circumstances are different for everyone.
My wife and I are still together to this day, BTW. Just so you know :) Four years this past September!
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
21 Dec 06
Congratulations! It's refreshing to hear of people who put the effort into a relationship to fix the problems and make it better than ever. Too many people are taking the easy way out, which is a shame for all involved, especially children. It's good when you can look at the situation, identify and analyze the problems, and work to resolve them.
Happy Holidays!
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
21 Dec 06
Unfortunately it's another sign of our "disposable" society.
1 person likes this
@uvbnskoold (499)
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Happy Holidays to you as well.
Too many people do take the easy way out and it's a shame. Along the same lines, all to many people give up too easily, not opting for counselling first before ending a marriage. There are alternatives to immediately getting a divorce that so many people are unwilling to try.
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
20 Feb 07
That's awesome! I'm sure that it took a lot of work, but that it is worth it.
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Congratulations!!!!
That is truly admirable! How many years has it been? I agree, you have invested too much in his training to start over again, that's for sure!
1 person likes this
@weemam (13372)
•
5 Feb 07
i had to think about this as i have been maried for so long , if he had misstreated me or been unfaithfull he would be long gone and never want to see him again , but as some relationships start out as friends then don't work I would want to keep him as a friend xx
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
5 Feb 07
That's how I am. I don't jump right into intimate relationships, so chances are there is always a friendship as a foundation. Congratulations on such a successful marriage!
1 person likes this
@XxAngelxX (2830)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
It is one of the more difficult things to deal with isn't it? I have recently separated from my husband and am trying to keep things as friendly as possible for the sakes of my children. I remember after my parents split up they were always bad mouthing the other in front of me and I really didn't like it. I don't want my children to have to go through this so for their sakes I try my best to keep things as close to routine for them as I can.
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I'm sorry to hear about your separation, as a breakup is always difficult. I admire your attitudes and efforts to keep things civil and as normal as possible for the kids. I have never experienced divorce myself, but when my brother divorced they used the 2 kids as "weapons" back and forth, and it got really ugly. I was absolutely disgusted with the whole situation, especially knowing that the kids were the ones who suffered most.
1 person likes this
@cokiemich24 (55)
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
It depends on the kind of breakup you had. If you broke up with him/her because it's what's best and you've talked about it then maybe you could be friends with him/her. But if the reason you broke up is having another party or whatever that made you get mad and break up then maybe the pain or anger will remain and being friends with him/her is difficult...
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Very true. I would prefer to make a clean break and move on rather than trying to maintain contact and hold on to misery and discontent in the case of a cheating partner or some other hurtful event. The case of my best friend who started as a friend, became a romantic partner briefly, and is now my very best friend is a very unusual situation. It works because we were so close before and because we started out with so much mutual respect. Most of the time people break up over an "event", and it is healthier to make a clean break.
@wolfie34 (26770)
• United Kingdom
11 Mar 07
It has been virtually impossible under the circumstances to remain close to my ex partners because of the way they ended, they were mentally abusive manipulators and I was glad to see the back of them. For me once I end a relationship that is it, I know that sounds shallow but I just want a clean break, I just can't cope with staying friends with the person, I tried once, but there was so much jealousy and sniping that it was better just to part company.
@ElusiveButterfly (45941)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Remaining friends with a person that you have been in a relationship with for any length of time is a difficult task. I have tried to do this myself and ended up ignoring the person entirely. The reasons behind the breakup came back to haunt me and I could not smile and put it behind me. I needed to have this person completely out of my life and move on. The jerk was persistant and kept nagging me. I finally ended up telling him straight to his face that I didn't want anything to do with him. He needed to go on. It startled him that I was so blunt. But, it worked.
@calvin222 (1606)
• India
20 Dec 06
I am a relationship guy. i was not even out of my first marriage when i was into the other. but frankly apart from that i have no relationships which will cause me grief if they break up.
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Thanks for the response.
Are you on pleasant terms with your ex-wife? Do you consider her to be a friend?
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
9 Jan 07
This comment contributes nothing to the discussion and has been reported to MyLot and rated negatively.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
4 Feb 07
I think that it is hard to remain friends after a break-up coz USUALLY it might not be mutural. one is always feeling more than the other and to try and be friends with someone you know still loves you, or to be friends with someone you really love that way can be hard. Also like u say - it depends alot on the reason.
For a long time I tried to be friends with my ex, but I realised that as long as I try to be mature about it - he still has power over me and I can´t go on.. So I broke all contact and that´s when I finally realised what he had actually done to me...
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Marie, I'm sure that you're better off for this decision. I know that you had problems with abusive men in the past, and those ones are better left behind totally. It is hard to be friends, and it usually is a desperate attempt to maintain some contact, whether it is one person trying to keep control or one is not able to move on and let go. I was lucky that I was able to remain friends with my best friend, but he is very unique, and the relationship was also unique. Hard to explain, but we knew from the start that we should just be friends. We talked about it all the time, so it wasn't too difficult to go back to being friends after the "fun" was over. We just didn't do good as partners.
1 person likes this
@jean_rose (415)
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
You are correct. It would depend on the circumstances surrounding the break up. Oftentimes, we refuse to even be civil because of too much hurt. And if we caused the break - up, we are ashamed to face the other because of guilt. Space is better so that wounds can heal and both parties can move on.
@palpalsky (899)
• United States
16 Mar 07
well i would see the situation ... i for sure cant be friend to that person but one thing i know for sure ..how hard is my breakup ..i cant think bad about the other person ..i guess i will move on..without saying bad words about him
