break up
control freaks
family
family issues
family which go to war
like to ruin plans
not happy unless we arent
Why do familys which control, never take the hint?
@joey_matthews (8354)
March 12, 2007 11:19pm CST
Those who know a bit about me might already know some of the reasons why my wife and I dislike her family. It seems they haven't taken her hints at taking action to keep them away from her, which saddens me but I agree with her because I don't like them.
I won't go into the reasons why I dislike them because my issues aren't important. Although the fact that they won't leave my wife alone or quit trying to control her or force her into doing things. (which don't work) her auntie has treats of her not seeing her cousin who she adores and loves, so this tells you what they're like if don't get what they want.
Why don't families like this ever take the hint?
They don't seem to understand that a family doesn't do what they do. They've told plenty of lies about myself and how I'm a monster, thing like that which does get me down. (especially in the past) Now I feel they've lost her for good, which I am concerned about as she given them so many chances and they've only re-hurt her in worse ways.
I said my life's my dream, although it's not when they're around. I'm not after symphony, just advice; I know she might end up eating the fact she gave them up on the other hand they don't do anything to warrant her affections.
~Joey
1 person likes this
7 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
13 Mar 07
well hon they do not think they are wrong, so that is why they continue. It would be nice if all of you could sit down and talk it out but I suspect that will never happen. Perhaps she can write them a letter and tell them how she feels, its a 50/50 change though, it might make them realize what they are doing to her, or it might make them angrier. Normally talking it out is best but sometimes there is nothing to do to fix a bad situation.
If you haven't tried talking it out then do try it, you have nothing really to lose at this point and a lot to gain if they finally understand.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
13 Mar 07
Hi Carol,
We've had a councillor to do this because they're not trusted enough to do it alone, as they produce stories and try to push us to be the ones who react. (although we don't)
Twice we did this and the first time it started to work, but they wouldn't bring her back when they said in hope to make us panic. (normally way later than my wife agreed to)
A letter, I'm not sure. My wife wrote a e-mail telling them how she feels and they accused me of writing it and logging into her account etc. (they'd still probably say I wrote the letter, even though or handwriting is very different)
I appreciate the advice carol, I do wished they'd understand but they'll never accept me which is fair because I know parents can be like this, although they never accept my wife's feelings. (or thoughts)
~Joey
P.s I think I'll leave my wife to sort it out, as I don't really want to be involved. Thanks for advice again =)
@liranlgo (5752)
• Israel
13 Mar 07
this is a very painful subject
and i really do not know why they are doing this
i saw alote of families that reacts that way
and believe me there usually ain't a rational reason for this..
you two hold on. you've get eachother and that is the most important thing.
do not pay attention to what they are saying:)
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
13 Mar 07
Yeah it sure is liranlgo;
neither do we, I've always thought that saw me as a treat and took it to far. although they've lost/losing my their daughter by acting like that, I think there's more than this to it but I don't get them either at all.
Thanks, I appreciate your reply here. =)
~Joey
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
14 Mar 07
It took my husband over 40 years to get out of an unhealthy situation with the maternal side of his family, but he and my stepsons are better off for it. Sometimes cutting the cord is best. I'm sorry your wife feels the need to cut the cord, that in itself is sad, but it's best to avoid mentally and emotionally unhealthy situations. Wish her well for me.
@chiquita1977 (1706)
• United States
14 Mar 07
my husbands family is controlling also what we did is basically set them straight on things it took a dozen times to do so but it finally worked i dont know the situation with your wife's family but instead of shutting them out make them understand that your wife is a adult and needs to live her life and tell them exactly how you and your wife feel it might take a while but eventually if you say it enough they will stop.good luck
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
14 Mar 07
Hmmm..this is really sad...families against families..but if your wife feels pressured with them can't she talk to them at least and tell them how she feels? I don't know the whole story but if talking doesn't work for them I wouldn't give them a second thought if they are messing up my life.I wouldn't show myself to them and never give them a visit or contact anymore.
@cassidy22 (2974)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Oh my GOSH! I know exactly what you are talking about! My family are the ones who try to control me. My husband hasn't even met them. Well, OK, he called the cops on my mom once because she was on my property and was not allowed to. But I haven't spoken to my family for 3 YEARS and they still try to control me. I changed my phone number, changed the locks on my doors... adn recently even MOVED out of state. i still get NASTY letters from them, and they harass my friends. It's horrible. I honestly have not spoken to them or written to them in 3 YEARS and they still haven't gotten the hint. It doesn't matter if I DID ever talk to them, they are always right and I am always wrong, so it's not even worth it to me to ever ever talk to them.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
13 Mar 07
My family is very controlling also and we do not go around them any longer. We got into it about 2 years ago and I told them exactly how I felt. they didn't get the message of course and my daughter was still going down there to visit. she doesn't visit any more because they were trying to control her also whether she was here or down there. I grew up being controlled and I got tired of it, especially in my adult years. I told my husband how they were a long time ago but he just now sees what I mean. I have tried many times to work things out, but there is no way to do so. They have to have full control or no control, so I just gave up on it.
