obsessed with apearences

My mother is the same way about everything. From Looks,your weight, how clean the house is, how you decorate, how to cook, etc. She will always have a smart remark about something. I dealt with it by telling her how I live is my bussiness, I've been doing just fine since I left your house at 16 and if you don't like it, don't call me. It worked. I think they think if everything looks perfect all the time there's nothing wrong or they feel more adequate like the have a purpose. They don't realize they are judgemental and hurtfull.

It sounds to me like your mom is a controlling person. My mom is too. She tried to tell me how to raise my 15 year old daughter. She also tried to tell me how to run my household. I had my fill of it one day and I told her that I don't like it. We don't talk much at all since then. She always made me wear dresses when I was younger and she would always put my hair up in a pony tail. I was a major tomboy and i hated dresses and I didn't want my hair put up. I had three other sisters that she could have done that with who didn't mind. I agree that as long as your daughter is taken care of and has clean clothes on, that should be good enough. As much as you probably hate to confront your mom with the problem, that is the only way I seeing you to get it to stop. good luck because it sure took me alot of guts to say what I had to say to my mom.

HI, I've known others to have a similar obsession about appearences. I've always beleived that it is the inner beauty that counts. If your Mother is this hard on you and your daughter, think how hard she is on herself. What was your Mother's Mom like? Your Mother struggles with something such as self esteem perhaps or perhaps not...maybe she just wants to always look her best. I agree with you in that being clean, groomed is enough. Maybe talking to your Mom would help and trying better understand why she is that way with looks. Also, if you can feel some empathy for her it might help as she surely is stressed in this area. Best Wishes

When you figure it out, please let me know. LOL My mom is the same way. One day, I met her at Walmart to get a couple of things and me and the kids just came from the park. Well, needless to say, my kids weren't the cleanest, but they weren't covered in mud either. LOL She literally REFUSED to go in the store with me! LOL She is the same way with clothing and hair. She goes on and on when my son needs a haircut! It's amazing. Maybe it's just a "grandma" thing???

Wow, that's tough. I have a hard time with people who are obsessed with appearance as well. I want to say to them 'look my hair, clothes and fingernails are clean so leave me alone'. I also have a hard time with people who are obsessed with children. My goodness, they are children. They are supposed to get dirty and messy. there is a time for picture perfect (like maybe church) but the rest...let it go. Ok, back to your situation. I think if and when your daughter is spending the night at your mom's, humor her. After all it is her time and if she wants to be fussy while your daughter is at her house, then so be it. It'll be tough, but let her have her 'doll'. In other situations, when your mother fusses, I would tell your mother, very politely that "(insert daugheter's name)looks very nice and she is happy. Thank you for your concern, but I think this is fine". Or something along those lines. Be firm but nice.

surely its not our clothes that decide our future.rather the will and skill to face the worst part of our lives with confidence.people r always there to comment on the things they can see in us but we should not let their comments or reactions control ours in any way.coz they just cant see us from within.i wonder why is it often that mothers r so concerned bout the way we luk.my mum is a bit dominating.she would decide which dress i should wear to a party with her or else will definately comment on my dressing.i let her do coz i love her and she enjoys it.but why cant they accept us even if we looked the most horrible.its only our self confidence that can lift us above the crowd.

I feel really sorry for you. It's nigh on impossible. You're totally correct and stand by your views. But, be kind to Mum, she is, after all, a human being. Don't let your little girl follow in her shoes. You're doing very well.

If she is so particular about how your daughter looks when she is with her, then she should buy a special wardrobe for her house, and hair supplies too and keep them at her house. She is going to make your three year old hate to be with her. I hope your well balanced attitude prvails. I agree that clean, and stain free should be enough. You might ask yourself, and I am saying this in a friendly way, if you dress her in a way that you know will bug your mom, because you are still angry at her. It sounds like she was not the most wonderful person in your childhood. I salute you for having her around, but you probably will not change her. I have a supervising teacher who is always scrutinizing me, and straightening and tidying me, and I am over 50. It is her problem, though, as she does this to everybody. Does your mom do this to other family members?

Stay strong! It might actually be time to say, "we need to sit down and have a talk about some things." A very firm, heart-to-heart talk is needed. Tell her what is on your mind and that this can't continue! It is only going to get worse. As your daughter ages, she will start saying/doing things that undermine your work with your daughter. To do little things that skirt the issue isn't really taking care of the issue. It may be hard and uncomfortable, but sounds like it is needed!

To be honest this doesn't sound like a positive influence on your child. The first thing is if you had a good mom why were you in a foster home. Don't let your mother make your daughter self concious of her looks. Your daughter is three and very impressionable. My mom and I have an agreement she talks to me first and then I decide if my daughter should here what ever. As long as she is clean and healthy don't let anyone belittle her or talk down to her. I know that this would not work for me.

I am so glad that my mother was never like this.....I have an older sister who is and me and her argue all the time.....I've gone out with her a few times.....her dressed to the hilt,make up,jewellry the whole nine yards and me in my jeans and tshirt,I don't wear makeup or jewellry and she'd get so mad because I'd have the better time....like I told her,'be yourself,not a snob who dresses like one too'.....although it didn't matter because she is a snob who thinks she's better than everyone!

I think i understand what you mean there!!!,,, i have been at this situation too.... i think you have to be patient with a person like this,...

Yes there are people like ur mother who normally very self conscious and hthink the whole world is looking at them, as if other do not much to do. There is nothing much we can do about but to hope they will change in time. Looking good and clean is always preferred but need not be obssesive about it.

In my opinion,first,you shouldn't show any impatience to your mother.you know,she dose everything for your good.and second,you can have a talk with your mother to tell her what you thinks.i think she will inderstand you!

Pop, the best advice I can give you is to learn to ignore her. My mom is the same way with my girls, and I just do what I want with them and if they don't look perfect in my moms eyes that's her problem, not mine. At that age, like you said, clean is good enough. If your mom doesn't like it tough doodie. If it really gets to be too much to bear you can ask her where her mother of the year award is. I asked my mom that once when she really ticked off, of course it started an argument, but when it was over I sure felt alot better. Let your daughter be a kid, she'll have to worry about appearance enough when she gets older.

that is ghastly! doesn't she know what kind of damage that can do to a tiny mind? i'm glad your a good, nonjudgemental sort, but i'd have paid good $$ to see the look on her face when you shaved your head!

My mom is sort of like that, but I don’t blame her because of the work she’s into- she has a high ranking position in a company and because of this she is compelled to dress up and look good most of the time. Well actually even before she was in this company- I’d say she’s pretty vain. Not that I have anything against looking good and presenting yourself well. I'm just not like that- I'm just a simple person- and I'm not vain- and I never was, but I do make sure that I'm clean and that I take a bath everyday and make sure that I don’t smell…I am just what I am… soon I know I will be facing the same situation that you are in now- since I'm giving birth to my child next month, I do pray that my mom gives me enough space to take care of my daughter in my own terms. I do pray that my mom would respect my decisions regarding as to how I would like to raise my daughter. I do hope I get to have a heart to heart talk with her regarding how I am to raise my child. Maybe you should try to talk to your mom and tell her your side… Just try, it might work =) Good luck!

she's nuts... so she's trying to drive you nuts....