Should she have another kid now?

March 23, 2007 3:02am CST
Hi friends,this is for my cousin who is also my very close friend.She has a 3 year old daughter who has recently started going to daycare 3 days a week for about 5 hrs a day.Since her birth,my friend has not had a single night's sleep in peace.Her daughter has been a restlesss sleeper since she was born.She wakes up 3-4 times in the night,crying suddenly or just being cranky.She is also a very very poor eater.My cousin thinks that due to her poor eating,the girl is not able to sleep soundly.She literally eats like a 6 month old still now.My cousin was planning to have another kid either this year or next year.But her daughter's sleeping habits have finally gotten to my cousin and she broke down this morning.She said to me that she cannot think of another child anymore because she is already physically and mentally drained of taking care of the little girl 24/7.The problem is compunded by the fact that the daughter is not used to her dad that much.Her dad plays with her and everything,loves her a lot but she simply won't agree to being put to sleep by him.The little girl keeps searching for her mum's face,either nose or mouth or whatever and this terribly disturbs my cousin's sleep.For some dys now she has been thinking and today she told me that she does not think she cn go to have anoter kid.But I think that maybe the arrival of another kid will reduce the older child's dependence on the mum.and that maybe she will get used to her father doing things for her like giving her food,putting her to sleep,etc.What do you say?I am looking forward to honest and practical answers.Please share your input.My friend is in a great dilemma as she thinks that maybe her daughter feels lonely which is why she is becoming too much dependent on my cousin,her mum.They stay alone with no family nearby to help then either.We stay in different cities but chat everyday.We were discussing this since the last two weeks but I could not give her any advice.What do you think?
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2 responses
SilPhil
@SilPhil (267)
• Australia
23 Mar 07
There are places your cousin can go to get help with gettings babies and children to sleep. In Western Australia there is a group called Ngala that offers advice and help. Has she been to the drs? He could advise her on where to go for help. She should not have another child unless she is 100% ready. What if the next one also doesn't eat or sleep? It will be even more of a strain on her. I think having the daughter going to daycare will be good for both mother and daughter though. It will give your cousin a much needed break, a chance to get some sleep, and some time to herself. It will also help the daughter because she will find at daycare she won't get the one-on-one contact that she has at home with mum. It may make her less dependant on mum. The daycare centre may also be able to suggest techniques for feeding and sleeping to help mum out a bit. I find my daughter's daycare centre an excellent source for advice and tips, I would really be lost without it!! I definately think that she should not have another child simply as a means to make the other one 'grow up'. She should only consider it is she feels she is ready to take on that responsibility again.
ethanmama
@ethanmama (1745)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
It's hard to judge on what is best in this situation. Generally, I should think that it depends on the parents' readiness and from reading about the situation, maybe they are not yet ready. It may just complicate matters. The little girl also has to be prepared on becoming an older sibling, and it may take some time for her to accept that idea.