Hallucinations and snatches of missing time

Those are some interesting experiences though they couldn't have been terribly lovely for you. Oh! So that's what those are called! Black crawls..I tend to have those when I'm super energized not always when I'm sleep deprived. I'll bat at where I feel 'the bugs' and come up with nothing..heck I think I've had those forever..wow lol. Man though..I guess the saying's true, especially when it comes to hallucinations. "Real life's oft stranger than fiction" and lots more realistic looking too. Thanks for responding ^_^

Lol I know. You knit's getting bad if you're starting to see and hear things which aren't there. I don't seek hallucinations lol. I'm just a workaholic to the point it almost becomes an obsession -- though yeah, there's good reasons I work so much..and sometimes, depending on how crazy my life's being at the moment I'll put off resting because someone needs me or needs me to do something. And me being the sillything I am I usually put others first and me second. In that one case I knew I had to get some sleep, so I ate my food on the way home and went straight to bed as soon as the car parked in our driveway. I think I slept for nearly two days after that. I have pretty bad insomnia..many nights I can't get to sleep, my brain's still firing on all cyllanders telling me "You HAVE to write this idea down!" or "There's some stuff you still have to do!" Or it just runs the same events or memories over and over in my head..so it just won't shut off so I don't sleep. Literally, can't sleep. Lately though, it's been a bit better. At the VERY least I'm getting four hours a day now. Lol..at least I'm not as bad as my best friend used to be. She could go a whole month without sleeping..she didn't hallucinate or anything..which is rather suprising..but it'd be like that for years so I guess her body adjusted somehow. *still hasn't figured it out*

I write. Books, in fact..but having hit a snag I haven't been able to sell any -- having a problem getting the file right so that it can be printed and shipped.. My brain often has a load more energy mentally than I do physically..thankfully it does not take alot of energy to move my fingers along a keyboard. Sometimes, more recently I've been writing articles, but that hasn't been going well either..'cause I do obscure subjects and people want more general things -- I have a hard time writing things I'm not interested in..so you know. I AM obsessive over certain things, writing being the main thing..so usually I'll go over the chapter or article a million times before I do anything with it. My editor often jokes about the few times she finds a mistake; "Finally you give me something I can really work on!". The hallucinations usually don't happen so much when I'm writing though -- thank Goddess, usually just the period after it, when I'm exhausted and I remember to take a bath and eat something lol. I don't hallucinate that often though..more often than some folks, I realize, but not like every day or even every month. Just every OTHER month or so..after I pull a hard week or two, neglecting to sleep as often as I should. One of the downsides to be a bit forgettful I guess. I'm glad you've been sleeping better. I have been too, mostly. Lately. Finally having gotten some closure over certain disruptive memories, my depression having disappeared for a bit, AND my having help with taking care of the house and other things now..plus the fact people haven't needed me for awhile..I've been able to worry less, sleep a little more, and relax a tiny bit. Medication and therupy can actually make things worse I think -- my best friend had a whole bunch of therupists quit on her because they couldn't help her at all. I guess it is just a matter of getting the mind not to think about so much, huh? Efforts to sleep and it mostly working equals good methinks, heh ^_^

I had therapy all my life until in 1993 I almost accidentally met a good therapist, a gifted caring and insightful person who worked with me for seven years. It was the right time for both of us to do good work. My amnesiac spells and hallucintaions and so n were the surface- the prognosis-D.I.D.To me the worst part was being a writer and having a life so crisis ridden that I could't finish anything. It seemed that the hsrderI tried to hang in with whatever project I was working on, life would work harder at tearing apart whatever security, peace, place, you name it that I needed. I stopped trying thinking I would focus on getting so much control of my circumstances that I could guarantee myself the chance to see something to its conclusion. that's just about impossible. I know this personal revelation is not anything you invited. forgive me. I meant it as a frame of reference to couch what I am about to say. But BTW. I am SO glad to not be in treatment although I sometimes miss her, but I love not being medicated at all. I can be in terrible pain and hesitate over taking a tylenol at this point. No harm with that hesitation. Here's the thing. when I am writing, I am more pleased with the poetry of just letting it all flow, but it becomes extremely obscure. Igf I want to be read, I have to write with greater control. I very rarely enjoy reading pure stream of consciousness. There are writers who have either had good editors (thomas Wolf) who could enrich his work with it and still be very readable with the overall experience of his books becoming a time out of time for the reader. but as you can understand from what I've already described, I've not had anything published. News reports, training films, crap like that- doesn't count.I mean creative work. You, I take it, have. I really like reading the little bits and pieces you put here in Mylot-it stands out in your point of view, and clarity and style. Can you create in a satisfactory way when You are that blotto? Or is your mind that practiced? that's not a rhetorical question.there's an economy in your posts and responses that is still vivid and clear. Why would the only option for you to be to write what doesn't interest you. I had a meal with a writer, during a little writers conference. Ridley Pierson. He talked with so much unhappiness at that time about his career. So much time and energy required to promote his work that it was difficult bordering on impossible for him to have time with his family, time with his work in progress. I like him as a person, and I wanted to lie his work. But I didn't. It may be the exhaustion in his spirit that robbed his work of spirit. You have to spend a long intimate time living with what you are creating- its not conceivable that anyone would do that over material that doesn't interest them. Their lack of interrest would be reflected in the work. Neither can they be intimately involved in material that is disturbing to them. I'd like you to talk some more about what is going on with you. why do you feel that is your only option? And its not all about my interest in a fellow human being who has drawn my attention, but what I am learning about being a writer, from someone who is more the writer than I.