Woman hate mother inlaw

India
April 17, 2007 9:00am CST
I fail to understand why women hate their mother inlaw. Despite the MIL helping out to take care of kids and regardless of the illefect of keeping the kid with a servants the wife still wants that the MIL should not be in the house.This could also result in the wife having to quit her job. She also does not understand the responsibility of her man to take care of his widowed mother in her old age. Can some body enlighten me. Women folks can u give some insight.
3 people like this
22 responses
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
i salute the women here who posted that they love their MIL. i wish my wife could say the same thing. it breaks my heart when i see both of them arguing over petty things. i love both of them. they are both important in my life. but i fear that one day one of them will leave me for good. my mother live with us. she is old and i'm her only child. i could not bear to think to put her in a nursing home nor would i ever kick her out on the street to fend for herself. i believe that the key to this kind of relationship between wife and mother-in-law is love. without love they will never bear or forgive each other. personally, i just realize that there is no love on my wife's part toward my mother. My heart is breaking because of this.
@mypeace (394)
• Nigeria
18 Apr 07
l can understand you feel. If they are not getting on well, why not try and get another accommodation for your mummy? You give her monthly allowance and get a helper for her? If this would not be expensive for you, l think its the best option, in my country thats what most people do. Cheers
@uiwwitch (892)
• United States
18 Apr 07
aside fro love, I think respect is also important. Your wife should respect the fact that your mom loves you and only want the best for you. Understand that because you're an only child, your mom probably lives on trying to take care of you. On the other hand, your mom should also respect that you are married now and whether she likes it or not, it's your wife now that you should be making decisions with. I hope that things work out for your family
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
thanks for your response. it helps to know that people out there care enough to leave encouraging comments. i appreciate every word and time spent on replying to what i shared here in mylot. as of this writing i'm still hurting so bad that its hard for me to think straight. even my work is affected. i would rather go to a lion's den than to see them quarelling. i'm glad the week is finally over so i could rest and think over the weekend. hopefully by monday things wiil be back to normal.
• United States
17 Apr 07
My mother in law lives with us and for the most part it is a goof thing. Once in awhile, we have a bad day, but overall we all know our roles in the house and try to stick to them. My husband told me from day one that his mother was important to him and my family is important to me, so we try to compromise and do what is best for everyone. I think everyone has to work at it if you want it to be a good thing. Best wishes !
• United States
17 Apr 07
LOL...I meant good thing..
20 Apr 07
Actually I've always thought it was the other way around, that men don't like mother-laws. In fact over here it's was well know that "mothers" didn't like most of the men there children fallen in love with. Which is why there are so many comides regarding mother inlaw relationships. ~Joey
• Malaysia
20 Apr 07
sorry to say but i would prefer to live in another house without my mother in law if i get married in the future.i had a bad memory regarding this.when i was 1 year old my family live with MIL. but she was such a bad person.she tortured my mother every day.she did not let my family watch the television and sit on the sofa eventhough my father bought everything.she would chased us to the room.she always scolded my mother with dirty words. even when my mother was pregnant she would ask my mother to do all the heavy things.she wouldn't help anything.once she even threathened my mother with a knife.my father saw it and stopped her. one day my mother couldn't stand it anymore so she took us back to her parents house.then my father came and beg my mother.after that my father rent a house and we started to live on our own.eventhough at first we did not have anything but we were happy.my father hate his mother too.she is very cruel lady. and now she already passed away so it is over.that is why i do not want to be like my mother
• China
20 Apr 07
yes,women folks can give some insight.
@makingpots (11920)
• United States
19 Apr 07
It is a very difficult situation to understand. A mom has been in a son's life as long as he has been alive and a wife comes along and wants the husband's whole heart and commitment to be to her. Both women are naturally going to feel threatened by the other. Neither woman is right or wrong in their feels. I think it is best that the husband not try to referee the womens relationship but rather allow them to work it out on their own.
@kekectx (89)
• China
19 Apr 07
in china ,mother father son daughter-in-law live together . if the family are divided,the son'll be called unfealty
@sallyxu126 (1185)
• China
19 Apr 07
I don't think all woman hate mother inlaw. At least, I love my mother inlaw,and she treat me very well,just like my mother. I think we can keep good relationship with mother inlaw,just love her firstly.
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
19 Apr 07
I dont hate my mother in-law, but i feel that the way my house is run, the way i cook, clean and raise my child/children, and the way i interact with my husband shouldnt concern her any. She has had her chance to raise her kids and live her life the way she has wanted to, so why shouldn't i have the same option. I am grateful my MIL lives over 2000 miles away too cause she sure is a nosey one! Maybe your wife feels the same way.
• United States
18 Apr 07
Usually every flaw a woman sees in her spouse gets blamed on the mother. If she had only taught him to ( insert a multitude of words like put the toilet seat down, make the bed, ect). Also you as the daughter in-law will never be good enough for her precious boy just as I am sure my future daughter in-law will not live up to my expectations.LOL Thank god she doesn't exist yet LOL
• Malaysia
18 Apr 07
not all woman hate their mother inlaw right? i think your that point of view is kind of general ... erm.. okay.. well, in my opinion.. why do women hate their mother in law is because they have an irritating mother in law? or maybe they want to make their own decision.. have their own life.. it's just the same case with teenagers disobeying their parents isn't it? when you want to be yourself, have your opinions being respected.. and have your own lifestyle.. you tend to go against any changes that others try to make into you.. i think women hate their mother in law mostly is due to such reason.. please correct me if i'm wrong =)
• United States
18 Apr 07
Well, first of all, there isn't as much stress in America on the mother in law living with her son's family so she can take care of the children. Second, what woman wants to spend her entire marriage competing with her son's mother for her son's attention? There's nothing worse than a doting mother standing around telling a woman how she could better serve her husband's needs, or better please him by doing things this way or that. Personally, I don't hate my mother-in-law, but if I had to live with her, I think that might change.
@mansha (6301)
• India
18 Apr 07
I think you are generalising the issue here. I have problems with my ma in la troo but i also know that whenit comes to taking care of her , I will do it for her. here you have to be firm and tell your wife clearly that you are going to take care of you mom despite her problems with her. My hubby never interferes between us, I do not let him. She is very dominating as a person but I know that she is just scared that she will loose the control of the house if she is not so strict. I made a promise to myself that I will never reply back to her and I have till date kept that promise. I have told my hubby too that no matter what happens I will take care of her when she need me to. I think after so many years she has started to realise this too. As last month she actually was praising me, I was happy beyond belief. So I guees it took time but my silence has won her heart at last.
• India
18 Apr 07
Please do not blame to all the women. There are few who hate their mother-in-law. It is because of indifferences of opinion. In such cases it is better to separate to make the life happy from both sides. It is also due to family background, parenting, home education, disrespect to each other etc. Few MIL are also of rude and arrogant nature, they can be only controlled by harsh words. If there is difference of opinion, it is suggested to live a separate life. Financial help can be given. At least there will be mental peace. Sometimes kids also become a reason for haterd.
• China
18 Apr 07
It's not easy for two women getting together happily all the time. Though I'm still single, I have read and saw so many unhappy wives and their mothers-in-law. They are sensitive and they all love one man who is always in a dilemma in two women's quarrel. Since they all love one man, I think they should consider his thoughts and if both stepped back their family will be in a harmony.
• Malaysia
18 Apr 07
maybe they have some misunderstanding.lets discuss for better
@neerajm (111)
• India
18 Apr 07
yes it is true that women hates there mother inlaws this happens because the women to whom we marry and bring home thinks nobody should interfear between them.but the mother who had taken care of his son since childhood wants the help of her son in oldage.the need of both mother and wife can be fulfilled by living together peacefully.
@nanayangel (7862)
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
You are not alone. I love my mother-in-law. But I understand why others don't. Some mother-in-law tend to be jealous especially when you marry a mama's boy. Also there are mother-in-laws who tend to compare your parenting methods and being a wife to how they did it and most of the time, you seem to appear to them as the inferior one. Some even get angery at their mother-in-law for not respecting how you discipline your children and criticize you and the things that you are teaching your children. Not all mother-in-laws are like that and I am really lucky because I didn't have any of those problems with mine. Because when you do encounter those, you will come to hate her as time passes.
@mypeace (394)
• Nigeria
18 Apr 07
No, not all women hate their MIL. One thing with women is that they tend to have ego clash. the mother will be claiming ownership of the son and the wife claiming ownership. why is it we dont have father-inlaw problems? Is it that our men dont have fathers? Most times, if your mother doesnot like your wife from inception, its always a problem and it will be had for the wife to please her. I dont really buy the idea of living in the same house with your MIL, the man should endeavour to get a separate accomodation for her, provide a helper and give her monthly allowance, atleast it will save him the troubles in the home. and they tend to relate better when they are living apart. Familarity they say brings contempt.
@diillu (5128)
18 Apr 07
come on only few and rare people hates their mother in law.None hates their mother in law..my mum takes care of her mother in law like she does to her mum. She loves dearly and our grand mom stays with us and we are complete happy family.