good cop/bad cop roles in disciplining a child
By ctv101103
@ctv101103 (859)
Philippines
April 19, 2007 7:46pm CST
I understand that most parents play "good cop, bad cop" roles when disciplining their children. Couples does not necessarily assign roles to each other. They just take on whichever role as they see fit for a certain situation/scenario. But what do you do if your spouse/partner always assumes the "good cop" role, leaving you to always be the "bad cop"?
You see, when it comes to disciplining our daughter, I am more of the disciplinarian between my husband and I. But whenever I say 'NO' to something our daughter wants (for example, when it's already bedtime and she insists on playing or watching tv), it's my husband who easily gives in. So now, since my daughter knows that she can easily get what she wants through her dad, she always seeks him when I disagree with her. I always end up being the "bad cop". How do I deal with this?
2 people like this
2 responses
@charms88 (7538)
• Philippines
20 Apr 07
You should talk with your husband and be straight with him about your role as a disciplinarian. It can be quite tedious for you if things will not turn out the way it should be. Inform your husband that he should be firm with your daughter too. Giving in for the sake of lessening the tantrum is certainly not a good way to teach your daughter. I hope your husband will support you in this aspect. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@ctv101103 (859)
• Philippines
23 Apr 07
hi charms! thanks for the advice. you're right, i think i need to talk with my husband. thanks again!
@Married2aMarine (1273)
• United States
20 Apr 07
Hubby and I already agreed before we had kids that we're not going to play the good cop/bad cop role. We feel that it's confusing for the child. We decided that it's going to be a shared responsibility and we're going to agree on what the limits are going to be, how to discipline, etc. Now, we have a 2 year old and we try our best to do everything the same. I think consistency is key. Children need to see and know that Mom and Dad are in agreement. As a result, I hardly get any protest from him cos' he knows he cannot just run to one parent and get away with stuff. I think your husband and you need to sit down and talk about what the boundaries are going to be for your child and how you are going to handle it together.
1 person likes this
@ctv101103 (859)
• Philippines
23 Apr 07
yes, i think we should have a talk about this. thank you for your advice :)
