Will you think your baby is a trouble?

@kaka135 (14921)
Malaysia
April 21, 2007 10:17pm CST
I'm not a mum yet. I had a small discussion with a colleague last week. She told me not to get married or have baby so soon, as it's very troublesome. She think the baby is a trouble! I got a shock when I heard that. Perhaps for a unmarried woman, she might not understand the joy of being a mother. But I always think, once you become a mother, even when you are pregnant, you feel the excitement and joy in it. It's something you can't describe or exchange with something else. I feel quite sad for the baby as the mother thinks that way. She sounded like she regrets to have baby, coz now she can't always go out for shopping or travelling. Actually my colleague should be very lucky, and her mother is helping to take care of the baby. I just don't understand why there are mothers thinking this.
3 people like this
20 responses
• United States
22 Apr 07
She probably misses her old life before she had a baby, and probably feels that the baby is keeping her from doing the things she enjoys most. I don't have kids yet, but I have taken care of them, the trouble is not with the child, but maybe with the fact that one has to watch the baby, feed it, clean it, bathe it and take care of it and provide for it. If her mom helps her she should feel thankful, but maybe she just finds it a burden on her, like I mentioned before, she just misses her old life.
2 people like this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 07
Hi curvychick, Yeah, maybe she still enjoys her life now, but also misses the old lifestyle. Sometimes, we can't seek for perfectness in both sides. ^_^ Thanks for your response.
• Nigeria
22 Apr 07
hmm this is rather sad. I have seen people get married and nursed fears about having babies but when they became pregnant and have the idea that they were bringing another soul into this world, they were overwhelmed with joy and the joy grew no bounds when they actually conceived. I think it is a thing of joy to be resposible for bringing a being into this world, yes they might be troublesome but then whats the trouble when compared with the joy, pains, anxiety and excitement they felt when they were pregnant. Your friend definately has a misconception about caring for her born child, she has to live up to the responsibility of been a mother.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
25 Apr 07
Hi fellowlife, Yeah, my mum did tell me that, the joy of having baby is much greater than the pain. I see nowadays, the young mothers may have less responsibility because their parents help to take care of the babies. Thanks for your response. ^_^
@j12345 (163)
• New Zealand
22 Apr 07
I think that feeling that way about her baby is very sad..... but perhaps deep down she doesn't truly mean that..... but I do think that the decision to have a baby should be well thought out ..... she says not to get married or have a baby 'SO SOON' so maybe her advice is to enjoy your youth before thinking seriously about settling down.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 07
Hi j12345, I guess perhaps she just misses her single life, or she doesn't mean to hurt the baby by saying she's troublesome. I have no idea, actually. :p Thanks for your response.
• Canada
22 Apr 07
I am a mother to five and believe it to be one of my greatest joys in life . I love being a mom and would not trade anything about motherhood not even the pain of child birth as you learn that from all the pain you go through there is something so much more wonderful to look forward to . The moment they placed my children in my arms , I felt a joy like no other in my life and experienced a kind of love , I never thought could be possible . You learn from the very beginning just how powerful a feeling you feel towards you child of how you will do anything to protect them from all that they are going to go through in life . I can't understand mothers who do not feel this as it was the most powerful feeling I have ever experienced in my life and it had such an effect on me that I have never forgot how wonderous this was and feel that this must be similar to the feeling we experience when we die and go to Heaven as it was the most powerful feeling of love that I have ever experienced in my life and can't imagine anything more powerful then this :)
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 07
Hi samtaylorskykierajen, Yeah, I still remember when I was studying biology in school, I asked my mum if giving birth is painful. She told me, it's really painful, but the joy of having baby will overwrite the pain. That's what I always remember, and I think how great a mother is. Although I'm not a mother yet, I think it's really a joy to become a mother. Thanks for your response.
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
22 Apr 07
My son is very well loved and we definitely wanted him. There were still times early on that he caused trouble. We had a terrible time finding childcare when I was still working. I might have described him as being trouble, but that never for a minute meant I didn't love him. It's just hard sometimes figuring out how things are going to work after such a life changing event. Even when you think you are ready for a baby, there are probably things you haven't really considered. Your friend might not have meant it as anything bad. She might have just meant that she wasn't prepared for all the changes. I love my son so much and can't imagine my life without him now. But honestly, there were times that I wasn't sure what to do about a bill that needed paid right after I quit working or where I was going to take him when my babysitter disappeared at the last minute while I was still working. There are always lots of unexpected events when it comes to children.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
25 Apr 07
Hi carlaabt, Yeah, I think I understand what you meant and thanks for telling me that. I may not fully understand the real situation when I'm not in the position. Thanks for your response.
@cynddvs (2948)
• United States
22 Apr 07
I've heard this from moms who had their kids when they were too young and not ready for kids. For me I never thought I would be ready to be a mom. But the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew my life was going to drastically change. But it changed for the better and I don't regret a moment I've spent with my daughter. There are times when it gets hard when you see your single friends going out and you have to round up a babysitter before going out. But for me I just don't enjoy going out anymore. I love being a mom and would rather spend my time at home with my daughter and fiance. I have my occasional nights with the girls but that just makes me appreciate what I have at home that much more.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 07
Hi cynddvs, I'm glad that you didn't regret at the moment, and you enjoy being a mum now. I believe we still can our own time with our girlfriends even after we married or have babies. Yeah, I understand if this happens to younger mothers. But my colleague is not really young, and she has been married for 2 years. I suppose she has got ready for the baby. But, of coz, outsiders might not understand the real situation. ^_^ Thanks for your response.
• Canada
23 Apr 07
some people just dont know how to handle the stresses that come along with motherhood. being a mom is the hardest job ive ever had, but the rewards that come with it are better than any paycheck i could ever get.
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
22 Apr 07
babies are precious - babies are so precious and pure
marriage and having a baby can be two of the most memorable things in your life, yes of course if you get pregnant to early then a baby can be a problem for you, you have to be sure you are ready for both the marriage and the baby cause yes it is a big responsibility but I would never say they are troublesome..
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 07
Hi mnflower, Yeah, I believe marriage and having baby are really wonderful things in our lives. I do agree that we should be well prepared before we go into marriage life. Thanks for your response.
@kabuki (152)
• Singapore
22 Apr 07
being married and having children is part and parcel of life and it can be the happiest moment for parents. Of course you have ready for the responsibilty and financial burden when you get into a marriage. without some mental preparation of what s successful marriage and childbirth entails, it will end up in misery.
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
25 Apr 07
Hi kabuki, Yeah, I agree that we need to be well prepared before we get married and have babies, both mentally and financially. ^_^ Thanks for your response.
• United States
22 Apr 07
If she is not married, chances are she is taking on all the responsibility of child-rearing alone. Yes, her mother is helping, but when you don't have a partner to help you take care of a baby it can be very overwhelming. Perhaps she got pregnant by accident and did the responsible thing, but now she has regrets because she's not as free as she used to be. It is sad to see mothers who take this frustration out on their children, but I also noticed that children in this environment grow up to be very independent and strong minded. Hopefully this will be the case for the child you speak of.
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
25 Apr 07
Hi jennybeans, My colleague has been married for some time, and I guess she was expecting the baby. Moreover, she is not a young mother, and she is staying with her husband. Well, they should be quite a lovely couple, heard from her. But sometimes, the children who grew up in this environment might feel lacking of love and confidence, isn't it? Thanks for your response. ^_^
@ironstruck (2298)
• Canada
22 Apr 07
Not every one is cut out to be a parent and people should not have kids because they think it is mandatory if you get married. That is foolish. In this day and age there are many couples who are more career driven than family driven.. They love to have lots of money and travel and have the freedom to do what they want. For people who want this, it is their choice. Nobody should be critical of them for not having kids. It is more of a sin to have kids when you know it will not suit your lifestyle. Then all that will happen is that you will resent them..
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 07
Hi ironstruck, Yeah, I'm totally fine if someone chooses not to have kids or not to have marriage life. I respect their choices. But I just can't understand someone gave birth but still think that way. Well, again, it's her choice, I shouldn't comment much too. I didn't really comment to her, as I think it's her choice, and no point for me to bring up the issues. I just... don't understand how it could happen. :p Thanks for your response.
@austere (2812)
• Philippines
22 Apr 07
i am not a mom yet too..but i dont think any mom would consider their children trouble! and in my own opinion, babies are blessings. they shouldnt be regarded as burden or something like that. they came from heaven for us to take care and mold to become good people..:)
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
25 Apr 07
Hi austere, Yeah, I agree with you. Sometimes we can learn from babies too. Thanks for your response. ^_^
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
You're right my friend, babies are blessings from heaven. I have 2 degrees in college but when i gave birth to my eldest who is 16 now, i gave up my job to be a fulltime mom. That was 18 years ago, I have 4 kids now, 16,15,7 and 6 years. I am fulfilled as a mother, I'm happy with what i do especially when they were still babies, i always cherish those times with them. It was a bittersweet experience, it may be hard and entails a lot of sacrifice but its worth it. So don't be afraid to have kids when you get married, love them unconditionaly and you will be contented for the rest of your life.
• United States
23 Apr 07
That is so sad! Maybe she is just having some post partum depression or something. I feel bad for the baby, but I also feel bad for the mother, because it sounds like she is missing out on some great times with the baby. I think that motherhood is a special gift, and that we should cherish this gift. I have seen some younger mothers, who are alone, and they still think they need to go out and party and the baby just holds them back. I think these girls were just not ready for motherhood. I hope that things will look up for this mother and child, and soon. Motherhood is such a special experience, I do not think you should be afraid of it. You will know the time is right when it happens to you.
@icequeen (2840)
• Canada
23 Apr 07
That's crazy. I think that she should have waited then...or not had a child at all because it sounds like now she is resenting the child and wants her freedom. I think a child is a miracle...and there are some women who can't have children...who would love to care for a baby. I don't understand this kind of thinking either...I feel sorry for the child....
@Poison_Girl (4150)
• United States
23 Apr 07
You may think I'm a horrible person for saying this, but I agree with your friend. Babies are trouble and that's why I'm never having any. At least I know that NOW before ever having any of my own.
@j27366 (293)
• Philippines
22 Apr 07
i think your friend is not yet mature enough to understand the true reasons of being a mother. i don't pity her; i pity the baby coz he/she might not be able to feel motherly love as he/she grows up. if you can advise your friend, tell her straight that it's time to grow up and forget about being self-centered.
• India
22 Apr 07
O'god please help the person who says baby is troublesome. I don't know how your colleague came to say such a stupid thing. Everyone loves their babies and their naugty characteristics. Those who says babies are trouble, they dont know about the joy of the life. We should enjoy the baby naugty characteristics
@xfahctor (14118)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
22 Apr 07
I saw raising my children as a privilage. I would do it all over again. Sure it wasn't easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. It's sad that some parents feel that way. And I don't think that being a single parent has anything to do with it either. I am a single father myself. How your children turn out has a lot to do with a parent's additude on the matter.
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
22 Apr 07
I can't answer be 100% sure, as I am not a parent. I must admit that having a baby must not be an easy task. You'll have to raise your baby with iron hands. I mean, you'll have to put big effort in it. But imagine later, your son being a big man. He, ruling over this World! A person of success. It must be the best feeling ever. But before having a baby, think about it. Think well. Think twice. If you really chose to have a baby, remember that you must not give up! Hope to have helped.