Boyfriend versus Bestfriend... Who will you choose?
By maple_kisses
@maple_kisses (2156)
Philippines
April 23, 2007 6:49pm CST
Nope, I'm not in this dilemma right now. Though there was a time in my life when I used to find myself staring at the stars to help me decide on the predicament.... Well, I'm sure I made the right decision.... (I hope so, hehehe!)
Anyways, I just wanted to know how you would have decided if you were in the situation. Let's say you have a bestfriend whom you've known for mnore than 10 years, you went through many ups and downs in your friendship, you've fought, you've reconciled, you stayed friends because you love each other... Then came the man of your dreams, you fell inlove deeply, you wanna get married, have kids, spend forever with him. Well, it turned out they don't like each other and they both have the qualities that they hate in other person, In other words, fire will fly when they cross ways.
The love of your life tells you to drop your friend and find someone he thinks is the "right" friend for you. Your friend thinks your boyfriend is a "creep" and you have to get rid of him....
Let's spice it up a little more. Let's say you've done all your best to make them see both are important to you and that they could be friends too for your sake but they just won't budge? It's like they're saying "You can't have the best of both worlds darling, so you'd better choose one world now..." WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE THEN? Lifetime Friendship or Love for Eternity? Do share your thoughts... Thanks :D
1 person likes this
21 responses
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
24 Apr 07
I have to say that if this person was truly a friend, they would step back and let you be happy with the man you have chosen for your life partner. I know I had a best friend that I knew since 2nd grade that married a man I did not approve of. I told her what I thought, she proceeded to marry him anyway. We both went our separate ways, as I could not have that "Type" of lifestyle around myself or family. She has since divorced and we are not back in contact after a number of years. I found her on "Myspace" of all places. We picked up our friendship as if it had never stopped. She understood why I separated myself from her and I understood she had to follow her heart. I have never once told her "I told you so" I just cherish our friendship as it is now. I would follow my heart as well. Love is a very powerful thing, and if you let your true love go, you may never know happiness. While many say friends are forever, it is true to an extent, but love makes the world go round. If my husband of 11 years did not want me to continue my friendship with this girl, I would explain it to her, and hope she would truly understand as I once understood her. My husband wouldn't do this though, because he understands that while he may no agree with everything my friend may or may not do, it is ultimately not his life to live.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
wow, that was quite a long journey of friendship! after all the things that happened friendship remains... Now, I'm sure that you are a good friend misheleen... ANd you're lucky to find a man who gives you the freedom to choose your friend...
@Sadoke (20)
• Belgium
25 Apr 07
I don't think there's such a thing as eternal love, every relation you start on something else is based on friendship. And friendship is based on trusting, caring and loving that person.
When you've known that person for a long time, it's not easy to just let every experience you had with them go. As for the person you just met, you'll forget him soon enough.
Well, that's just my 2 cents.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
24 Apr 07
ehmm..., actually i don't know who to choose... this is a very hard decision... i think both of them are selfish and only want me for themselves... i know my best friend much longer before i know my boyfriend and i already went through ups and downs together with her so many times... my boyfriend got to understand that... i think at the end i will leave my boyfriend if he still choose not to accept my best friend...
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
Bestfriend wins! But what if your boyfrind tells you he's just after your welfare? That your bestfriend have hurt you a lot of times already, he just wants to protect you from her.... :(
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
24 Apr 07
I think that the most caring course of action for a friend or boyfriend faced with the reality that they don't get on with each other should try their best and if this doesn't work maybe they should just avoid each other. The very last thing on anyone's mind should be giving ultimatum's to choose! If the boyfriend is saying you should dump a lifelong friend or be dumped...then I would have no hesitation in saying that he is not the one for you as he is clearly selfish and insecure and not at all concerned with your well being, rather with nursing his own fragile ego. As the friendship has more of a chance of lasting than the relationship I would definitely choose the friend! But again, I really don't see how anyone has any right to make you choose!
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
Yup, nobody's had the right to make you choose, but then again, life is full of choices to make, and maybe this is one of them. But you've got a point here, loveones musn't be selfish and insecure, they should make you happy.... Thanks for the reply..
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
24 Apr 07
I would pick my best friend. Mr.Right isn't Mr.Right if he doesn't understand that I love my best friend and I need her in my life.If he doesn't get it, he is the wrong person.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
24 Apr 07
Yes she is selfish too. I was thinking that when I posted my response.They both want me only for themselves.I'm changing my mind. I would leave my boyfriend and stop being friends with my best friend. I don't and won't be in the middle.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
Don't you think it should work both ways? If your friend cannot see that you love the guy and that you are happy with him, isn't she selfish too? Just asking :D
1 person likes this
@powersetting (231)
• Malaysia
24 Apr 07
dilemma in bf and bestfriend..
well it's hard for us when we facing this problem. As we're in between but you just can choose one of them. Boyfriend if this guy he is worth to be with of course he is the privilege for me to choose him, because you cant guarantee ur bestfriend would be with you when you getting old. But maybe you boyfriend would be ur future husband so he is the one will be with you for the rest of your life. It's hard to choose trust me, because that's very unreasonable if they ask you to choose either one of them. Why i say so..because if both of them in an understanding state im sure that they wont do something or makes u upset to choose either one of them.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
ohh, you're a romantic person... yes, you might be marrying the boyfriend, who knows? but well, I'm sure it would be a lot better if you're not to choose, right? Oh well, life is full of choice to make... :D
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
24 Apr 07
This would break my heart actually. Sure, people can not like all people but if she really was my friend she would see that he made me happy and that he was good for me. If I am happy she should be happy for me.
My bf should also - even if he doesnt care for her much, see that we are the best of friends and that we love eachother and are good for eachother. if u love someone you do not wanna change them into something else.
In this situation I will not make a choise.
THEY will have to make the choise for me. either accept me for who I am and for who I love or leave.. The person who can not accept that I want both in my life, is the one who will "loose" in the end.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
That's nice, making them choose instead of you choosing, I like that! Yeah, if both love you indeed, they should understand your life wouldn't be complete with the one missing... thanks for the reply :D
@gaylordfocker615 (389)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
This is easy! I'd choose my friend! There's no sure fire way to say that the girl/guy you're with will be the ONE while your friend will always be your friend no matter what! Relationships aren't a constant while friends (for me anyway) are always there. Always.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
True love comes just once in a lifetime.... you could miss it for friendship's sake... but I understand your point, it's hard to find good friends nowadays, so if you find them, you should keep them.. :D
@pramodthakur (2365)
• India
24 Apr 07
I will choose best friend instead of boy friend. Best friend means a person who stands when we are in great trouble. Our life is passing through odd hours and we need help from someone, only a best friend can help and get rid off the problem. Boy friend can be made many in life, but best friend is very difficult to find. If there is friendship there will be love, it is sure. Knowing to each others for years is not necessary. It is our heart to heart relation which make friendship profound. This profoundness converts in marriage life later on. But few could keep this relationship constant.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
But aren't you afraid you could be letting go the love of your life? the love for eternity? for friendship's sake? oh well, at least you made a stand, that's great too...
@subha12 (18441)
• India
24 Apr 07
i think its a really big dilema. its very hard to chose between ur boyfreind and best friend. Whom u know for 10 years, where is a problem of saying this to ur Bf. I think 10 yrs is enough to know a person.I wud let my BF understand this.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
Hmm... you have a point there, 10 years is enough to know about the person alright but what if my boyfriend is just protecting me from getting hurt again because he knows my bestfriend hurt me once? sorry I have to spice up the problem again, hehehe :D
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
24 Apr 07
Why would you need to choose? you can have the best of both worlds, you just have to make sure you don't do things together with your boyfriend and bestfriend. They both can agree to disagree and leave it at that. I would do things with my boyfriend and do other things with my best friend, but have neither of them together at the same time. Since both relationships are important to me, then I would choose to keep them both, but at the same time keeping them separate! (hope that make sense)
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
Yeah it does makes sense but it's not really easy, it would be difficult to play both parts in a rather hostile environment... I for one, wouldn't want an atmosphere wherein I am enjoying the company of my friend while my boyfriend is fuming... :(
@zjenikka (292)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
First I will try to let them meet in the middle and if it does not work... then I'd have to let them realize that life is really not fair that I have to choose between the two of them even though it is very hard on my part. I would choose my boyfriend but of course my bestfriend will always be my bestfriend till eternity.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
aha! love conquers all! :D poor bestfriend.... well, sometimes decisions have to be made and not all decisions can be pleasant... you're brave though for making a stand :D
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
Yeah, why choose? :D But some people are just so narrow-minded sometimes, they wanted you to choose... :(
@cheisentie (142)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
i think i will choose my bestfriend if it is needed.. but it's not i try to explain to my bestfriend and boyfriend how important they are to me.. if i give-up someone i didn't show how i love him/her..
for your bestfriend i thought she was your friend from 10 years more but how come she/he will not understand and accept your boyfriend.. i think bestfriend may be happy for their bestfriend have right now..
for your boyfriend if he really loves you he will accept your bestfriend because he don't want you to get hurt..
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
Yeah I know what you mean, but what if they both refuse to see your side? What if they both pledge love to you but tell you they can't just accept each other's presence in your life? You will choose your bestfriend then? Oh.. .goodbye to LOVE then... :(
@fellowlife (988)
• Nigeria
24 Apr 07
wow thats a really tricky question. I think i would not make a choice between the 2 of them as making a choice would definately hurt them.
I wouldnt know why you boyfriend said you should leave your friend in the first place cause i think he's just jealous and he view your girlfriend as a threat. I wouldn't bulge to him neither would i send my girlfriend away, I would instead give them my own condition. Either they become friends or the 2 of them forget about me. kinda hard but simple
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
oh, so you're into "All or Nothing" too eh? Yeah, I'm sure that's the best way to deal with it.. It's either they become civil with each other and let you continue your relationship with both of them or you drop them both... yup, TOUGH though... :D
@barnkinney (1343)
• Philippines
3 May 07
i will choose the one who would not make me choose..
i know my friends would still accept me, whoever my boy friend is. they might tell me their points of view but they would not ask me to leave him or else they would leave me.
i did have a boy friend who indirectly asked me to leave my friends. well, our relationship didn't last that long for that to happen or for him to insist. in the case, i would not do that.
- barn kinney
http://barncogitations.blogdrive.com/
http://barncogitations.blogspot.com/
@jbelle (912)
• Philippines
3 May 07
If i were on that situation I will choose the man of my dream. Its just a matter of how you explain it to your best friend. She must understand your happiness and if she's really a true friend she will know how to love the people you love especially when this man is your life! Can she afford you to see losing your boyfriend means losing your life? If she cannot understand i doubt maybe she's a lesbian... LOL
@rodeotexas (1153)
• United States
23 Apr 07
Ummm neither. lol I would seriously try and get them to at least come to terms with each other and let them know they are equally important (him a little more since you want to marry him), and let them know how much you love them both. If they don't want to try and be friends or at least civil then I'm honestly not sure what I would do. Maybe reason with them and say either ya'll at least be civil or I leave you both.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
if you leave them both, they might find love in each other, hehehe! just kidding.... all or nothing then, huh? :D
@LadyFenix (110)
• United States
24 Apr 07
there should never be a need to make this choice
if your boyf doesn't like your bestf
he has to learn they were there first
and if your bestf doesn't like your boyf
they should put their feelings aside
for the sake of your happiness
I have done that and as a bestf
been there to pick up the pieces
after wards it's just part of
being a bestf
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
Ahh, so you'll have to keep them both... I'm sure it's not easy though... :(
@leonilas (20)
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
i know that is a very difficult choice to make.i think all the replies contain good points.i just want to add a little to them.for instance,i know its very difficult to juggle things with regards to ur bstfrnd and ur boyfrnd.but if u really value both,u shud b willing to sacrifice and do everything to keep the best of both worlds.explain to them how important both of them are to u.if they are willing to put ur happiness before their personal judgments,then it would be a win-win situation.but then,if one or both of them will not budge and will insist of doing what they think is right,i guess u should let go of the one who cant understand or both of them and then give them time to ponder on the hurt that they have inflicted on u.if one or both of them will realize the mistake that they have done and try to patch things up,then they just have proven their worth for ur love and affection...
