Virginia Tech Shooter-Where is the sympathy for his family?

@vokey9472 (1486)
United States
April 24, 2007 1:29pm CST
I am very annoyed by all the people talking about the poor victims and their families. I keep hearing about memorial services for the 32 victims. I hear about churches tolling their bells for the 32 victims. I hear about churches ringing their bells 32 times, once for each victim. Well, there were 33 deaths that day. Where are the prayers and services for the shooter? Where are the bells tolling for him? Are his parents not victims also? Has anyone stopped or even bothered to think about how much they are hurting too. They lost their child just like the parents of the other 32 victims. They are grieving for the loss of their child too. When people report about the memorial services, the prayers and the bells tolling for the 32 victims, does anyone bother to think about how much it hurts the shooter's family. His mother has lost her son. Does anyone even care about her pain? Why is that everyone focuses on the families of the victims, but no one bothers to think about the victims that are the shooter's own family? Anyone have any thoughts on this??
9 people like this
16 responses
• United States
24 Apr 07
I've seen coverage of the media where the sister speaks of her brother. I have sympathy for the family of Cho, and I have had them in my prayers as well as the families of the 32 real victims. I do think they deserve prayer, but I also feel, they knew there was a problem and did nothing to help it. I don't have any sympathy whatsoever for Cho himself. No, I don't feel his family are victims in this ordeal. I do feel for their loss though. Good topic for discussion.+++
4 people like this
• United States
25 Apr 07
Okay, I can see your perspective on Cho's family being victims. When put in that light, I can concede. However, with Cho, he made an active choice to do what he did. He pulled the trigger. He decided not to get help, even when it was offered to him. He decided not to follow the courts ruling for mandated therapy. He made all these decisions on his own and created a lot of grief. Being lonely is no excuse, there is no excuse possible for his behavior. I get lonely too, I am not going to go on a rampage and murder innocent people. I get depressed, I suffer depression, I choose to seek help. I am really not trying to argue, I just want to express my view on the subject. I respect yours even though I don't fully agree. Please don't take this post the wrong way and know that I am just stating my own opinion.
4 people like this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
25 Apr 07
oh, no, I am not going to take this post the wrong way or even personally. I just wanted to state my view point in a way that made it better able to be understood. I respect your opinion even if I dont agree 100% with it.
2 people like this
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
25 Apr 07
This is easy to answer. This country is still in shock with all that happened that day. Honestly why would anyone ring the bell for this person. He went out and planned for awhile that he was going to kill a bunch of people. I say go ahead if you want to add fuel to a bunch of hate groups. America, and everyone that was hurt needs time to heal and forgive. So until that happens, I wouldn't ask a mom to ring a bell for the guy that decided that her child wasn't worth living anymore. My heart goes out to everyone, the victims and the family of the killer. The victims families will be left with the feeling of living in a nightmare with no hopes of ever waking up. Now for the family of the killer, they will forever wonder what did they do wrong, what could they have done. So many what if's. There son just killed himself after taking 32 people with him. Not a easy task to forget.
4 people like this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I don't know what you mean by "go ahead if you want to add fuel to a bunch of hate groups". Other than that, I understand that it is hard to ask anyone to have compassion for Cho's family, but healing starts with forgiveness. His family is not to blame for anything. I am just sadden by the fact that no one seems to remember that they lost a child too. Whatever his actions, they still lost their child and that has to be so unbelievably painful. In addition to that, they have to live with the pain of knowing what their son did. Haven't they been punished enough?
2 people like this
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I don't know what you mean by "go ahead if you want to add fuel to a bunch of hate groups". That's my fault, I didn't mean as you, yourself going out and ringing a bell for this man. With all these hate groups, or people in this country wanting something to blame just to say and do horrible things. If they rung the bell for the killer, or anything to show that we care could easily get those hate groups going. I don't want to start anything, but for example the man that was beaten in California that started the riots. I pray that nothing like this happens. As my mom always told me Two wrongs don't make a right.
2 people like this
@mansha (6298)
• India
25 Apr 07
Are they actually the victims? I don't know how they raise kids in AMerica but In India I would be surprised if the person doesn't know how mad their kids can gwet. The family is parlty to be blamed. No one is born criminal their cuircumstances make them so. They did fail to know their son and the extent to which he could go. Generally this sort of thing happens if the criminal has been exposed to abuse himself as a child. they did fail their duty as parents failed to give proper nurturing to cho and if now they have to live with that , can you sympathise with them. Murderes do not get my sympathies atleast and not even their families.
3 people like this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I sympathise with them as a mother. The loss of your child, no matter the reason, is devasting. I feel compassion for them as a Christian who was raised to love my fellow man. I feel for their pain as they have to deal with not only the loss of their child, but the knowledge that their child chose to commit a horrible crime. I feel for their daughter who has lost her brother, someone she loved dearly. I feel for their daughter as she will go through the rest of her life always wondering if she could have done something to stop this from happening. I feel for their pain that they have to live with the knowledge that people are blaming for the choices that their son made. I also feel for Cho. I think it is a horrible and sad thing that this young man felt so alone, frustrated and different. I feel badly that he couldn't see when people were trying to reach out to him. I feel bad that he was so deep into a pit of despair that he could not see any other way out. I feel terrible that he was so angry at the world and how he saw himself as being treated that he felt the need to take 32 people from this world. I don't know how they raise kids in India, but in America we try our best to raise good citizens, but once they leave our homes and go out on their own, we cannot control their thoughts, their feelings or even choices. To infer that the parents are to blame for the choices their children make is just wrong. No one can control you but yourself.
2 people like this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
25 Apr 07
And that is ok. You are entitled to your feelings and opinions. They are valid. I just have my own feelings and opinions that just happen to be different from yours. I am open minded enough to realize that not everybody is going to think like I do and that isn't a bad thing. I welcome the opportunity to see how others feel about this issue. Also, by responding to these postings, it allows me to talk things out and see the picture more clearly for myself. I really appreciate your thoughts on this matter. Thank you for taking the time to answer.
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
25 Apr 07
I would have to agree with you in this case, as it is not the fault of the mother that her son caused this dreadful shooting and killed 32 victims, of course they would be grieving for their son as well it would be dreadful to be the parents of this man. I think when tragedies happen like this that no one does really think about the families of the ones that committed these crimes.
2 people like this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
25 Apr 07
It is sad that no one thinks about Cho's family other than to place the blame on them. They are innocent. If it was my child who had done something like this, I would be horrified, grief stricken, shocked. There aren't enough words to describe how I would feel. All the mixed emotions. It is just sad.
2 people like this
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
24 Apr 07
Finally, someone else who wonders as do I about the family of the shooter. Most people as they should mourn for those killed, but even killers have families. I have heard that they have left their home and are moving around to avoid the prying eyes of the public. As a parent I wonder what they missed. Do they feel that they did something wrong? Blame by association is a terrible thing. As parents we do the best we can, but we all make mistakes. I just hope they can get over this. I pray for peace for them, too.
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
24 Apr 07
Thank you for your thoughts. I knew when I posted this topic that some people might not like it. But I have sympathy for his family. His sister loved him. His mother and father loved him. Having dealt with depression myself, I know how loney and frustrated a person can get. I too have been a loner and felt like I was a misfit. I think maybe he was severly depressed and no one noticed. It isn't uncommon for families not to notice the signs of depression, especially when your child has always been a quiet, loner type. I feel badly that many times when things like this happen, the parents are blamed for not noticing or not caring. They did the best they could and it was Cho's decision to commit this crime. I have been praying for his family ever since the incident.
• United States
24 Apr 07
You are right.People are forgetting that Cho's family was a victem too.Not only have they lost a son,but they have to live with the knowledge that their son has taken so many lives.They have been in my prayers since we found out who did it.
2 people like this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I feel really bad for his family. I just want people to realize that his family was a victim too. Cho didn't just ruin the lives of 32 families, he ruined the lives of his own family too.
2 people like this
@icequeen (2840)
• Canada
25 Apr 07
Well first of all I have no sympathy for this man...he is a psychotic killer. Secondly...I do feel a little sorry for his family...but then again...they have a part in this disaster. This man had to have problems growing up and with others long before he went on this killing spree. His family should have got him help before he took so many lives...I feel sorry that they were so in the dark...that they couldn't or wouldn't see what there son had become...,,,a cold blooded killer...
2 people like this
• United States
25 Apr 07
I couldn't agree with you more! I have been thinking the same thing. This young man was obviously a very sick individual. I don't believe he was evil...I just think that he saw some incompentent professionals who didn't go beyond their duties and try to help him more. What he did is inexcusable and those 32 people did not deserve to die at all...but, the young man who did the shooting didn't deserve the mental illness he had and his parents and loved ones sure don't deserve all of this. They are getting no sympathy and it's very sad. I have prayed for them and I also pray for the soul of this young man that he may find peace and happiness in the next plain of existance.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Apr 07
I do know what you mean. That family didn't ask for nor condone their sons behavior and I'm sure if they could change things, they would never have had this happen at all. It is easy to forget about the shooter's family when everyone is upset about what he did and all the lives he ruined in his rampage. Nobody will ever really know what went wrong with this boy. I don't blame the parents. Sometimes even the best parents end up with children who go their own way and do unspeakable things to others. It's sad but true. I have prayed for all the families involved including his. They didn't ask for this to happen.
@stacyv81 (5903)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Well... ok here I go... He was the cause of it all, and he apparently was mentally ill and suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, I think the real question is where were his parents? Why didnt they try to help him? They couldnt see he was hurting and needed help? I mean, yes his mother lost her son, but she didnt care enough about him to try to help him when he was in need, I dont think it is possible that his parents didnt see signs, other people did. This guy was failed by society, psychiatrists, and his parents. So, I dont think people have much sympathy for the parents of a mass murderer.
2 people like this
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I am sure that that this man's folks is just as hurt, just as sad as the other 32 victims and their families; From what I heard, the family was in protective custody at present; Some may say, well, why couldn't help come for this person, or if he was this or that, he would have been gone, why wasn't he transferred? but let's be real, I don't think folks thought it was that serious and that is how you went from that to this. A situation went unchecked and now you have this. I am sorry for Cho's family because they have that guilt of knowing their son caused all these deaths. That is an awesome. For the folks to overlook him at the memorial was probably to be respectful for those who lost their families, but you are right, do the right thing, toll it 33 because a ball was dropped and it caused 32 more deaths. I tried to find some info on this young man's family, but there isn't much sadly. Either way it goes, yes, you have a point.
1 person likes this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I don't believe that anyone really wanted to help Cho. It was easier to say "he needs help so I will point him in the right direction, but I don't really want to get involved". I have seen first hand how mental illness can affect someone. I was in that pit of mental illness myself for a while until I was able to find my way back into the light, so to speak. The young man came to the US when he was 8 years old. He was made fun of, teased and taunted as a child by his classmates for being different. I know how that feels. Only in this case, the child that Cho was became very quiet and withdrawn. If he didn't talk or notice to himself, no one would make fun of him. Years later, this young man who has no social skills to speak of, goes away to college. This young man has no idea how to make friends, how to be a friend, etc. His suitemates have said that they invited him out with them, they tried to befriend him but he pushed them away. It was easier to just ignore him rather than to continue trying. Everyone appears to have been this way. His teachers saw a problem and they did only what was required of them, but nothing more.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
25 Apr 07
As a matter of fact I posted a blog a few days ago relating to this very subject. While the suffering of the victim's families and friends are uppermost in the minds of nearly everyone, if we are Christian and kind-hearted we must not forget the person who committed this horrible act and his family (who loved him) should also be in our prayers. "Vengeance is mine," saith the Lord.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Apr 07
This was exactly what my mother and I were conversing on last night over the phone. Where were the bells for him? I'm certain Cho's parents feel awful, they probably feel at fault, but they shouldn't. Sometimes it's hard to see a problem in a child, and if they did miss something, it was just missed. Maybe if they did know, they felt he was ok, maybe at home he acted fine. I think the shooters family needs to be prayed for. They need to know that people do care and don't blame them for anything. I care that his mother has lost him, she loved her son. I know what you mean, because I feel for them as much. They cannot change what happend, but they can speak up. I send my prayers to his family. Thank you for opening up and sharing this, thank God I'm not the only one who feels the way you do.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Apr 07
I couldn't agree with you more! I think the pain of the shooter's family is actually far worse then that of the others who were lost. I say this, because on top of loosing their son, they are also greiving over the deaths that he caused, they emotions have to be very high right now, and in no way is it the family's fault so why aren't they recognized and the shooter himself, as it was also a life taken from us.
2 people like this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Cho's family is a family suffering the same as all the rest of those that lost a family member. They are hurtig just as much. Seung-Hui Cho said that they feel "hopeless, helpless and lost," and "never could have envisioned that he was capable of so much violence." Cho's sister Sun-Kyung Cho, He has made the world weep. We are living a nightmare," said on the family's behalf. They must be living in hell right now. some of the verginia Teck students are hurting for him too Some are very angery. But there seems to be a calm at the present. We do need to pray for themas well as the other students's families. I would like to be able to get in touch with them to let them know that i am praying for their hurt.
1 person likes this
@shinjiao (1457)
• China
25 Apr 07
The shooter's family is innocent, his family members are also victims in this accident. They lost theri child or maybe the only one child in his family. He became the shooter but not his family members are shooters. Of course the memorial services were hold to the 32 vitcitms,but to the shooter's family, who can pray for their son? Somebody maybe think that the shooter has no right to be prayed.But at least his family members will remember even if he killed 32 students.Because he is still his parents' child.
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I can almost understand the feelings of the majority of people regarding the shooter and his famiy, but it still seem wrong to me. I guess I just have too much compassion in me. I just cannot find it in myself to hold his family responsible for what Cho did. I also just cannot find it in my heart to be angry at Cho. I feel sad that he was so troubled and alone. I feel more pity for him than anything else. I just pray that God has mercy on him.