Who Is The Mother?

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Who is the mother? The answer has become ever more complex as modern technology makes artificial insemination, test tube babies and surrogate pregnancies possible. While not yet generally acceptable in our country, "technological parenthood" is being undertaken in western countries, and has given rise to court cases involving the question of parental right over children born in those peculiar situations. Among us the conflict between biological versus surrogate motherhood rears its inevitable head in cases of adopted children. The usual quandary is whether to tell the child that he or she is adopted, and when is the right time to do it. Child psychologists believe that the earlier this fact is made known to the adopted child, the better for all concerned. Yet this is easier said than done. The term "adopted" almost always turns out to be traumatic to the child ( or adult, as the case may be) and the revelation results in a crisis situation. The root of the problem is immemorial question of motherhood. Who is the mother- the one whose body was host to the fetus and the ensuing birth, or the one who took up the role of care-giver and nurturer after the child was born? The answer to the question is intricately woven out of biological, emotional, psychological, even spiritual, skeins. I would not lightly dismiss the reality of the bond between the child and the woman who gave him birth, even in the case of infants who were given up for adoption soon after birth. The gestation and birth of the child are parts of cycle of life - like arcs which are segments of a circle - and it is not surprising that the adopted child feels a violent sense of loss and separation upon learning he was adopted, that he did not share this cycle with the woman he heretofore looked upon as his mother. At the moment of this shattering revelation he recognizes a void, an emptiness where the arcs of womb-gestation ang physical birthing shoul have been. It will take a lot of time and efort to fill in the gaps in the cycle. He will have to awaken to the fact that he did experience gestation and birth with the adoptive mother but of a different kind- in the spiritual and emotional womb of her caring and nurturing. Now we turn attention to Mother Earth, the urgent need to reciprocate the care and nurturing she has lavished on us all these billions of years. A different kinf of Mother-love, but one we cant affort not to give, because in the realest and most portentous sense, our lives depend on it.