Is it a good idea to marry at 20+?

@d00d00 (827)
Hong Kong
May 2, 2007 9:40am CST
I am 21 and i have friends of the same age who are married already or are planning to get married. I have no idea on whether this can be good for the relationship. But i think that having this BIG commitment can be really hard for the persons involved. Any of you has this experience? What do you think? Do let me know.
4 people like this
6 responses
@derek_a (10898)
2 May 07
I was first married when I was 20 years old, and my parents were married at 19 and stayed together for 55 years. My first marriage ended in divorce but if it had been to the right person if would not have. I think you need to be sure that who you are marrying is somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with and then you've got a good chance. As two people move closer together there are bound to be differences in their characters because they have usually been raised in different ways and their values are different. To sit down and talk about these differences with total honesty makes that relationship strong. If you hide and conceal things, you are creating a relationship based on a lie and it is unlikely to last.
2 people like this
@d00d00 (827)
• Hong Kong
2 May 07
but when will you ever know if he/she is the right person? do you ever? lol.. but thank you very much for sharing your experience here in my discussion. i appreciate it. =)
2 people like this
@derek_a (10898)
3 May 07
The truth is that you will never know who is the right person. Like everything else that we do in life, we need to take that risk. Even crossing the road is taking a risk, but if we sit back and never try to cross the road, we will never get anywhere. :-)
@chingwes (103)
• Philippines
2 May 07
it really depends on both of you it doesn't really matter if your partner is 20+. 30+,40+...etc.. what matters most is the love that you both share and the willingness to be together as a couple... it is important that both of you are physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially ready before tieing the not because it is not easy to get married these days...
2 people like this
• Singapore
2 May 07
hi Personally i think marriage at 21 is too early. In the country i live in, The average age for male to marry is 28 and female is 26. At 21, most of us are still students, juggling with the books and exams, we were not financially and emotionally ready for marriage. Most people work for at least a good 5 years after leaving school before they tie the knot. Well, it's just my personal opinion, shaped by the society i grew up in. In your context, things might be different and early marriage might be the norm. So there really are no right or wrong answers.
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
2 May 07
I married when I was 19. If I had to do it all over again, I totally would have waited. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have married the person that I'm with, but I would have waited a few more years until I was mature enough to handle it. At such a young age, one really has no idea who one is or what one wants from life, and most people that age have no concept of what makes a marriage. It's not the 'happily ever after' that the movies and storybooks make it out to be. Marriage is hard work. A lot of people at that age marry thinking that once they've got the ring on their finger that everything will go smoothly from there, and I'm here to tell you that just isn't the case. And I think that pre-marital counselling is so important. When I married, I was definitely immature. I had no idea what was expected of me, and this was my first real relationship. I made a lot of mistakes and we hurt each other so badly so many times. Once we realized we had to grow up and stop threatening divorce whenever something didn't go our way, things became a little easier. It wasn't until after my son was born when I was 23 that I finally started to get an idea of who I was, what I needed to do, what I wanted from life, etc. And now, after being married for 8 years, we finally have a handle on things and are happy. But how many marriages make it that many years? These days people seem to have a hard time making it give years, if that. My advice is for anyone who wants to marry, get engaged if you want. But wait a few years to make sure that this is really the person you want to be with, to make sure that the committment is really what you want, and to learn what it takes to keep it together. Because divorce is messy and painful and should be avoided if possible.
1 person likes this
@d00d00 (827)
• Hong Kong
2 May 07
thank you so much mmiller26 for sharing your personal experience. i definitely learned something from you today. I'm glad everything is working out for you. Have a great life with your family.=)
1 person likes this
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
2 May 07
20 plus may be good age to marry but before taking your decision see that you are financially sound and have enough time to give to your relationship too. The new relationship would be demanding and you need to slowly nurture it to make it a long lasting and successful relationship.
@zandi458 (27951)
• Malaysia
2 May 07
Do not commit yourself too early. You have to enjoy and cherish your youth. It comes only once in a life time. Once you bypass this phase of your life you will never get it back. Marriage is not a bed of roses as while you were still courting. To be in love is ofcourse the most beautiful experience in a life of a couple. Beware once you pen your signature on the dotted lines and say 'I DO' it will be the beginning of a 'thunderstorm' Am not being too negative about marriage but what I am trying to say is a person of 20+ is not mentally and physically ready to face the challage of a strong bonded lifelong marriage. The true colour of a person will only emerge after being married.