Waste of Time or Act of Love?
@HeavenUnaware (1757)
United States
May 2, 2007 3:02pm CST
What do you think about this situation:
I have an older brother. (14 years older)
He has 2 grown children (+ 1 daughter-n-law).
He lives about an hour away from me.
My brother went through a nasty divorce a couple of years ago and his ex wife ended up moving out but he is still living in the house. He no longer works because he has nerve damage in his legs that cause him some pain.
He smokes.
He use to be an alcoholic.
He has 2 dogs that live indoors. (1 small & 1 large)
His house hasn't been cleaned in FOREVER. No one even goes over there anymore because it's just too horrible. I'm not exaggerating at all.
Dust so thick it looks like a tablecloth.
Dirty Dishes - I can only imagine the refrigerator.
Dog hair on EVERYTHING - a really REALLY thick layer of it.
The house smells SO bad.
Most of the things in the house are now old or broken and ruined.
The dogs go to the bathroom in the house and the smell of urine is so horrible that the last time I was there, I thought I would throw up if I didn't go outside. They also go to the bathroom in the backyard (he has a pool in the back) the feces are all around the pool.
The bathrooms have mold on everything.
This is a nice house or at least it was before the divorce but his wife was the one who cleaned and it shows.
YOU GET THE POINT
Well, for years we've (the whole family) talked about going over there and helping him get it cleaned up but nothing ever came of it.
Now his daughter and her friend have suggested we do it - this Sunday. So that's where we are headed to spend our Sunday cleaning his house.
I want to help him but I have to wonder if it's a waste of time. I'm pretty sure it is .. therefore making this an act of love, right?
Unless he trains the dogs to be normal and then removes all of the carpet in his home - then it will never be clean in my opinion.
I'm SO not looking forward to this.
Would you do this for your brother even if you knew it was going to be fruitless?
2 people like this
5 responses
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
3 May 07
Well, a tricky situation...and a very difficult reality ....I am still wondering....if this is actually happening with your brother. I think...one would normally not like to help his brother or any close relative in such a situation....but if he promises that once it is clearned and restored... the same thing will not happen again...then I think a try can be given....but undoubtedly it will require a very bold effort and a very large heart to clean the mess.
1 person likes this
@HeavenUnaware (1757)
• United States
3 May 07
Thanks Deepak - it's going to also require rubber gloves, old clothes, lots of cleaning supplies and a face mask!
:]
I do think that he will have more appreciation and make an effort to keep it clean when he sees all of the hard work we are going to be doing to get it started for him. I hope!
Thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
4 May 07
Yes, it will require very sincere and hard work to do that....and as I said earlier lot of patience and forbearance.
@jessemt35 (294)
• Qatar
2 May 07
If you really care about your brother doing those things is an act of love and an act of love is done without asking the question why? but you have to tell him to rearrange his life and to move on despite what happens to him and his family. You must be there for him in this times of his brokenness and despair coupled it up with prayer and more love and understanding. You are his nearest shoulder to lean on but you also must teach him to move on and that is an act of love.
1 person likes this
@HeavenUnaware (1757)
• United States
3 May 07
Hi jesse - thanks for your response!
I didn't mean to make it sound like my brother hasn't moved on from his divorce because he has. It was a divorce that was for the best in the end.
He was married for a long time and his wife did all the cleaning so now that she is gone, he's on his own and he's not someone who cleans (as sad as that is).
Thanks again for your response!
@jessemt35 (294)
• Qatar
3 May 07
I hate to admit it but most male doesn't know what to do when it comes to housekeeping. Most males thought that housekeeping like cleaning, making it livable is only for women. But anyway you can teach him to do house chores but patience is what you need coz' though it's hard to admit most boys don't want to do it often. That's why I always believe that man and woman are two equal partner that compliments each other.
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
2 May 07
I think I would do it for my brother. I wouldn't really like it, but I would do it. Maybe he's at the point now where he feels like it doesn't matter what he does in the house, because he can't think where to get started. I'm like that sometimes, and my house NEVER gets that bad. But when I'm sick or my son is up all night teething for a few nights or something, I don't get my house picked up for a few days, and I feel like I'm never going to get it back in shape. It's sad, but my husband has to get it back straightened out on the weekend, or I just can't get motivated to do more than sweep and pick up anything that could potentially be dangerous to my son. Maybe your brother feels the same way?
Even if he ends up going back to his messy ways, at least you are showing him that you care about him and the way he lives.
1 person likes this
@ajmccrary1986 (454)
• United States
3 May 07
I would do it only if he had tried VERY hard to clean it up, and he had trouble with it. I have a fourteen year old brother.
@CookieWookie (136)
• United States
4 May 07
"Oh My" Heaven (((Big hugs))) I don't know what to say? Well I do kind of because I am living in the same situation (sort of) and my brother is here with me! It did not start out this way at all, he went through a bad divorce and his wife made him leave at that time he had the bad accident and this is when my mom and dad lost their home and cars they had to pay close to five hundred thousand dollars for what he did :( It was not his fault..Anyway after he served 30 days in jail he moved in with me I was so happy to have him here I just danced! He is very sick with diabetes and at the time had shingles The jail would not give him his medicine so he ended up having his kidneys flushed in the jail? When he got out of jail he had staff so bad his face swoll up like a football omg it was bad :( And now If he is not on his medicine he shakes and twitches like crazy... The Dr. has him on morphine and all kinds of things... I am writing this with tears because I love him so much, He lives with me and his dog Hannah who was not housebroken when I got her she ruined every rug in my house but is better now but still does not get it..My brother is a mess, it has been 4 years and he is worse now than before!!! He smokes and has burned up every blanket and all the sheets I put in the room he has burned up all the carpets and the big carpet. I have to Hire someone to housesit so I can go to work!
So I guess what I am saying is Always help your brother but I think there is a line that we all need to draw!! Especialy when you take them in your house and they have no respect of your things!! It is so sad I take care of his daughter and I love her just like she was mine. I Just wish he would Stop it!! And come back to us...Mentally..
Whatever you do will be wonderfull trust your hear Heaven to do or not to do :) I wish you the Best Of Luck!!
