Long Courship - Short Engagement: What do you think?

Courtship - Courting a girl...
Philippines
May 3, 2007 12:06am CST
There are a lot of claims like the one I have replied earlier wherein they are already 8 years going out together and yet theres still no plans yet of settling down. Kinda disappointing for the girl isnt it? I am a member of one of the Christian Community in our place and one of the teachings I learned was that: In a relationship, it is advised to have longer courtship and short engagement. What do you think of this?
3 people like this
15 responses
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
3 May 07
you said: Kinda disappointing for the girl isn't it? Maybe it is disappointing for the guy instead. I think a long courtship is best as we must take the time to really get to know each other. Short engagement is sometimes best, sometimes not. Depends on how long the people have known each other.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 May 07
hahaha i never thought it could also be disappointing on the other hand. no offense but i respect your oppinion. and I definitely agree with your point in long courtship to really take time to get to know each other. happy myLotting!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 May 07
yes, courtship will usually last long. the couple will have to know each other enough before, finally deciding that they are now convinced that they will get along fine together. it is not wise to subject our single lives to getting endangered about going into an unsure relationship.
• Philippines
3 May 07
i hope to believe that long courtship still exist nowadays. and this is actually the very reason why I opened up this thread to really give more importance to long courtship over engagement or if not, atleast balance both as per individual's point of view.
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
3 May 07
I don't really think there is a certain amount of time a couple should be together before they get engaged or married. My husband and I were together for only about four months when we got engaged, and we had been talking about it for about six weeks before we got engaged. We were only engaged for 5 months. We got married 9 months and 3 days after our first date. And we are still happy together. We were 1000 miles apart during our entire dating relationship. The only time he came home after we went on our first three dates was when we got engaged. The rest of the time we just talked on the phone and online. It made our relationship really strong. I know a lot of stuff about him that I probably wouldn't if we had been actually physically together more.
• Philippines
3 May 07
wow that's nice. maybe you two are really meant for each other and happens to meet on destined time and place. i do believe in destiny and both of you have just met yours. God bless your marriage more and more. happy myLotting
@Modestah (11188)
• United States
4 May 07
Carla, I think that is great! and ideal! too many temptations towards impurity when there is a long period of time together, putting off marriage. You should know rather soon if the person is an ideal match or not. Holding out won't make him/her any better.
@Gemmygirl1 (2868)
• Australia
21 May 07
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years now & we're not married or have plans to marry any time soon. Why would either of us be disappointed? This is the path we have chosen to take so obviously both of us are happy with the current arrangement & so marriage isn't a big deal to us. I think you can be together as long as you like & stay engaged for as long as you like as well - you only need to take that last step to marriage if you WANT to & if you think you're ready to. In our case, things are good as they are so why change anything, a wedding certificate doens't really tell us anything we don't already know!
• Philippines
21 May 07
your thoughts are well taken and respected. here in our country, marriage is not just a plain piece of paper. it is not only a piece of contract but a lifetime vow that we ought to observe. I am talking of a church wedding.
• Philippines
19 May 07
If you asked me this question before I got married, I would have answered "Amount of time spent with each other is not important, it is how you spent them together that matters.. " But since you asked me this question now that I'm married and separated, my views were changed, it is indeed important to spend a longer time getting to know each other before you plunge into marriage. When I was younger, I was idealistic, I easily brush away comments and advise from the erderly concerning love and marriage. I thought I knew better. But yup, I was wrong. I met my husband when I was 21 and was married to him at 21 and was beaten and hurt and humiliated and disillusioned 6 days before i turned 22. Yes, long courtship is very important. Others may say, "ahh, even if you'll have a long relationship, you'll get to know the real person when you live together, thus, marriage" Yeah, true maybe, but still, I wouldn't brush away the fact that a long courtship and a longer engagement can give a lot of help and advantages. Slowly but surely they say.. a work done in haste is a work in waste..
• Philippines
21 May 07
the best thing that happens in life is not in every success that we achieve but in every countless failures that we tried to stand up and start anew. and yeah, it is always good to take things slowly.
@maddysmommy (16232)
• United States
10 May 07
Well I have been fortunate or unfortunate enough to be involved in both types. I dated an ex for 7 years and he had no intention of settling down with me (took me long enough to figure that out) and only when I left him he realised what I wanted and how much he couldn't live without me (Blah Blah Blah). Six months later I met my husband who I dated for a year, got engaged then married the following year. So one disastrous relationship of seven long years led me to this wonderful man who I married within two years :)
• Philippines
21 May 07
that was a very tough decision you made. but i say it's a worthwhile one. 7 long years is a wasted time but at least being complemented by a year long relationship that would end up a life time.
@mypeace (393)
• Nigeria
3 May 07
long relationship personally is not ideal, it will get to a stage you will get tired of each other. Any courtship thats up to 5-6years has to me lost its taste and should be discontinued, either with marriage to permanent it or a simple break up. An ideal relationship should be, one year friendship, one year courtship, and then 3-6months engagement and finally marriage or breakup.
• Philippines
4 May 07
i am very much in favor of what you said and your explanation does says it all. but it is the time table you provide impress me more lol. seriously, a relationship like this wont surely go astray or wasted.
@Modestah (11188)
• United States
3 May 07
I would discourage the long courtship. I do not think it necessary to be courting someone you were not already able to envision yourself being married to. a long courtship leads to increased temptations. a long courtship can rob a woman of her youthful years and desirability should the courtship be ended not in her favor - I think both the courtship and engagement should not be long at all - idealy a year combined... 6 mos each.
• Philippines
3 May 07
nice point of view. we really see things differently. yours might be different from mine but it is very well appreciated. and your opinion has a solid judgment than should be given considerable importance also. happy myLotting
• Philippines
3 May 07
of course engagements usually do not last so long. by then the courtship and casual relationship stage has already been hurdled by the couple as they have already decided to get married and be together for good. when they are already engaged, the relationship has been formally revealed to the parents of both parties, including the plans of getting married. now, they will be setting the wedding date, identify the sponsors, and everything else that will be considered for the ceremony.
• Philippines
3 May 07
yeah nice point there. greatly appreciated. but for me engagement could also mean getting to know each other more, going out on a date, just like in a boy-girl relationships add up to your opinion. happy myLotting
@butterfly39 (3906)
• Philippines
9 Jun 07
Courship is a matter of answering yes or no to a guy, to be in a relationship. AFter 2 or 3 years, maybe it's time to settle down, i am sure you're both financially stable and ready to have a family of your own. I think this is my best way of looking for a commitment.
@amay_123 (10)
• Philippines
2 Jun 07
Well, for me i like having a long courtship and short engagement as what you said. Coz, having a long courtship is a kind of getting to know each other more, knowing likes and dislikes, with that long period you could assess if you are really meant for each other or if you really want to be with your partner for the rest of your life. Unlike having a short courtship without even knowing much more about your partner, unless you do really believe or both of you have that same great faith in marriage i think you can work it out. In short, maturity is still the best that could work in the togetherness of two person whether short or long term courtship and engagement.
• United States
25 May 07
It depends on how you concider "long" and "short". I myself was with a man for about 2 1/2 years before we got engaged and we'll have been engaged and living together for 2 years by the time of the wedding. It works for us and I don't really see anything wrong with it. I also know a woman who has been with the same man for about 10-12 years who have no intention of getting married and they have no children. It works for them, I don't see anything wrong with it. Everyone is different. Different things work for different people.
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
17 May 07
I would prefer definitely a long courtship and short engagement. I may claim to be a modern woman but Im really old fashioned at heart. Courtship for me is when I get to test how noble is the guys intention towards me. But I guess that is becoming extinct nowadays. Sad and indeed disappointing for a girl.
@mdchennai (2129)
• India
10 May 07
I think that long courship is more important. It is a case of spending life together and it is not easy to judge someone in a short engagement. We have to spend lot of time to know about each other so that we dont face any problem after the relationship is being made!
• Philippines
10 May 07
I do believe in courtship but not long courtship or long engagements. It is better to know each other then have a short engagement. Besides, it takes a lifetime to know a person better, so why wait?...
• India
4 May 07
Yup... thats really true!