I never new my father...

United States
May 3, 2007 2:30pm CST
In my life time I've seen my father maybe 4 times... and he acknowledges he is my father yet he doesn't take the time...it hurts yet I have grown from it... I wonder does that effect my ability to choose the right man... they say a little girl know's what she wants out of a man because of her up bring with her father...yet he wasn't around so... is that the reason for my bad luck...????
3 people like this
7 responses
• United States
3 May 07
I guess you have to be thankful that you were not subjected to such a selfish, irresponsible man growing up- otherwise, that's just what you might be attracted to as an adult. Be very selective and always keep your self-respect. That will help you find someone who's worthy.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 07
So you think it would hurt me worst having him around then feeling like he didn't want to be around... I guess your right I didn't loose anything because I never had it... I just wish I new my other family... the funny thing is his oldest daughter and I get along very well and stay in touch but there are so many years between us... she has 6 kids husband and I was never apart of that
1 person likes this
• United States
3 May 07
Oh no, sweetie, what he chose to do or not do has nothing at all to do with you!! It was HIS choice and HIS loss. Use the experience to build a better, stronger you! (((((hugs)))) to you!! Never hurt yourself over his mistake! My father (adoptive father anyway) was with me all my life and I rather wish in some ways that he wasn't! He was abusive and I was very scared of him as a child. Some people just shouldn't be parents. I know my parents shouldn't have been! But now that I'm much older I've learned to forgive and love them again. Just because I forgive them doesn't make what they did right and just because I love them doesn't mean that I have to put up with abuse any more though. You can figure out what you want in a man all on your own! Just think about what qualities you would've wished for in a father!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 May 07
thats so true when you think about it to had have him in my life I think would have brought me more pain then good... But I do thank God my mother's love was over whelming and unconditional
1 person likes this
• United States
8 May 07
Yes, your father NOT being around plays a HUGE part in your "bad luck" with men! Usually, a woman's 1st relationship with a man is her father, as is a man's 1 relationship with a woman, is usually his mother. There-4, we're ALL heavily affected by those primary relationships, and it DEFINITELY affects your choices in mates in your adult life. U may want something different on the SURFACE, but your subconscious mind is attracting someone who is very SIMILAR 2 your dad, most likely. Since your father wasn't there 4 u, and wasn't around, this would give u abandonment issues with men, fearing that they will leave u, or never be around, just like your father. This may cause u 2 smother men, in an attempt 2 AVOID being abandoned again. Also, u may attract men who want alot of SPACE, and FREEDOM, and when they're NOT there 4 u, it's really just a reinactment of your childhood without your father. The feelings are probably the same. But, once u realize that this is your pattern, u can take steps 2 start healing. But, just RECOGNIZING the REAL reasons why u keep attracting a certain type of man, is a step in the right direction. It takes time. U just have 2 become more AWARE of your own energy, your own subconscious mind, and be willing 2 dig deep, and examine WHY u keep having a certain experience with men. Consciously observe yourself. Once u understand that your energy is ATTRACTING these types of men 2 u, u can work on healing your wounds, so that u can attract the type of man that u actually WANT in your life. Good luck!
• United States
8 May 07
I truely have to say that your words are very touching only because I feel your totally right, your first relationship is with your mother and your father and I never had a chance to even get a feel for how a man should treat a women or how I should want to be treated as a young girl. I missed that. while growing up My neices had a great father and I envied that sooo much... he treated them like little princess and taught them to go for certian types of relationships and never settle for something you don't want an I never came across that... I think its time for me to clear my thoughts of my father and start new... he is not apart of my life and I don't want to include him in my relationships thank you
• United States
9 May 07
I'm glad 2 hear that! U deserve 2 be happy, and u CAN be! It may take some time, as healing is a PROCESS, but u'll get there eventually. I wish u all the best!
@Mickie30 (2630)
6 May 07
It must be really difficult for you having a father that sees you only 4 times must make you wonder why he is like this. It hurts you yet you have grown from it is really positive. You seem concerned about whether you will find the right man because of the way your father has been and yet I believe that when the right man turns up you will know. There might be relationship difficulties that you will need to deal with at that time or you could seek counselling now and talk about the issues. I think counselling would help you as you obviously have a lot of unresolved issues.
• United States
7 May 07
its like that saying goes you never miss what you never had... and I never really new my father so it doesn't hurt as much as it use to. I know when I was a child it hurt sometimes because I didn't understand why he would do that to me.. and being that i was the only family memeber without a father was also hard. but I did have male figures in my life...I don't hate men because of it. but it is kind of hard for me to understand them sometimes. I just think if my father was around I would know what I wanted out of a man
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
4 May 07
I met my dad - and I use the term loosely- when I was 19. It was the only time I have ever seen him. Just the one time. I don't know if it affects your ability to find a good man. I kissed a lot of frogs, but I was younger and pretty naive. I knew how I wanted to be treated and I decided not to settle for less than I wanted. Why should you? I have been married for 12 years now to a man, who I am told, is nothing like my dad. Guess I got the better end of the deal! Don't give up. Decide what kind of man you want and don't settle for less. You deserve to be happy.
• United States
8 May 07
your right don't settle for less.latly i've been doing just that. it use to be I would carry on a conversation to unpotential candidates now I feel I don't have the time if your not what I am looking for then I rather not deal with you at all and I don't think its mean, Im just fed up and tired of the games
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
4 May 07
I don't think so. I think that is what is told to us, so we have all these negative thoughts about men in general because our fathers didn't do their job. but when you hold all men accountable for the mistake of one, what do you think you are going to get? crappy men. if you want to find a good man, a man that fits what you are looking for in a relationship, then you need to get rid of all of your negative thoughts and feelings about men. what you think about them is what you get from them. check out my site http://www.iknowthatsrights.ws on how to get started changing your thoughts and getting just what you want!
• United States
8 May 07
that is so ture I know sometimes I do keep some negative thoughts about men when I am meeting some one new and my father comes up sometimes... but I have to release that in order to find someone who is of good character... I will check out that site thanks
@kynni204 (2031)
• United States
14 May 07
My son's father treated him the same way.. I try to teach my son to forgive and move on... Although he has a natural thing to want to see him.. It probably hurts me more than him. He was my first love. But I believe that if you (like what others have said) Sit down and think about what you really want in a spouse and imagine being with that person everyday u will attract him to u...be blessed