Would you be angry as heck? Purely NON hypothetical discussion here.
By andreaskye
@andreaskye (390)
United States
May 3, 2007 5:37pm CST
So I am reflecting back on a mistake of a relationship I made during a break up with my current boyfriend/ex husband. (Long story, anyway....)
There was this 4 months wherein I let this guy, pretty much take over my life.
He did not work, always telling me he had this job on the line or was "rattling cages" or was going to start in 2 weeks. Never happened.
Ok, being totally clear here I did not have a gun to my head but I was in a very bad way emotionally, ok. Plus I am gullible to begin with.
he basically took over my life, Took over my bank card (when I finally got rid of him and got it back, did not even know the pin),the rest of my cards, told me who to see, what to do, when to do it, even tortured me with numerous calls at work. I am a nurse, he would get mad if I needed to get off the phone to give a med. On and on, bought whatever he wanted. Manipulated me inot buying him a car so he could "go to work", etc etc.
Ok,so I got half a brain and got rid of him.
Now then I let him take the car with the agreement of making the payments. (Which he did not for a long time).
Now he works like a normal human, bought another newer vehicle, is letting his bro drive mine and is taking this chick out (who is like me in a lot of ways ) and spending tons of money on her. I paid for everything when he was here. I never got a nice restaurant dinner.
So I am full of all this anger now. And it is eating me up inside. I am a single Mom, facing foreclosure on my home, working my butt off to take care of my kids and he got about 4000 dollars out of me not counting all the little things he would come home from Wal Mart with.
Alright, one more time I admit I was stupid, cards on the table. I was also ill and easily taken advantage of.
How do I let go of this sickening anger inside and would you have it too? I know it was a karmic zap but the more I think about it the more the rage eats me up!!Can I find a way to forgive? Could you? Have you ever experienced anything similar??
3 people like this
7 responses
@killahclaire (3665)
•
3 May 07
Well it is good that you have taken the first step in realising that you do need to move on from this rage. I am sure there are plenty of sensible things out there that you could do to help you overcome this but I reckon what you need is REVENGE!!!
Go and slash his tyres or keep sending pizzas to his house, whatever you want as big or small as you want but I think you definately do need to something to get this out your system.
Do not be jealous of this girl whatever you do. I can just tell from what you have said that you lost a lot of your self confidence when you were with this guy and that is what is happening to her no matter how many nice meals he takes her for. Unfortunatly is means when he drops her it is going to hurt alot more.
You do have a child and I think you have to be strong and focused on the kid. You don't want the relationship with your child suffering due to your ex. Time can fly by fast and children grow up so fast. You don't want to miss a minute of it.
I know it isn't much consolation but I think you have learned a valuable lesson from this. Finances are absolutely everything and you shouldn't not put them on "loan" to people. You will need to work really hard and probably have to ask for a lot of help to get yourself out of this.
If you have close friends or family you need to ecplain everything to them. I mean absolutely everything, not just the stuff they have to know. A problem shared is a problem halved and they can certainly put it all in perspective.
But do something for yourself, like I said revenge. It might be childish but if it makes you feel a little bit better than it is well worth it. He took you for the ride and now it is your turn.
2 people like this
@CritterKeeper (519)
• United States
3 May 07
I honestly don't understand this kind of thing. How can hurting someone else make me feel better, especially if I truly love them? It just seems to me to become a viscious circle and a way for them to get some kind of sick satisfaction that even after the breakup they've still got some part of you all wrapped up in them. I think it actually hurts and drives my ex MORE nuts that I've shown him just how much better my life is without him by living well and trying to be happy! It eats him up that I'm not mooning and pining away over him!
2 people like this
@andreaskye (390)
• United States
3 May 07
I see what you are both saying but I never really loved him so the revenge thing sounds awesome. Then again, you know i am not going to do it but it's fun to think of.
I just don't understand how bad people keep getting away with BS.
1 person likes this
@killahclaire (3665)
•
4 May 07
Well I think it sounds goof cos obviously this guy was totally taking you for granted and didnt appreciate you at all and he deserves a little bad stuff too.
He has put you through hell so he should have to experience a little of it.
@Backpack30 (924)
• United States
3 May 07
If I were you, I'd chalk the whole thing up to one of those live and learn lessons in life and take him out of your life completely.
No more contact with him and if anyone in your family stays in touch with him, you don't want to know about it, what's going on with him, nothing.
Be mature and logical about it. Tell him that you need to move on and can't do that if you continue to have him in your life in any way and wish him luck in his future.
If he calls, don't answer. If you do answer not knowing who is calling and it's him, hang up.
You've got a fmaily to take care of. You don't have time to deal with things like this.
After doing this, repeatedly ask God to put forgiveness in your heart.
This is the only way you will successfully get past this past "bump" in your life.
Good luck and God bless you and your family.
2 people like this
@Backpack30 (924)
• United States
5 May 07
Oh I absolutely see how you would have some hard feelings!
It's just that it's only hurting you to continue the resentment because they're negative thoughts....
Surround yourself with people who make your feel positive! You deserve to shrug your shoulders at this past relationship and move on because you're an amazing woman. You are raising children on your own! That's incredible!!
Whenever you begin to think back on this past relationship, try to think "Well, THAT stinks....but money will come and money will go throughout my entire life. All I can do is change my future!"
:)
@andreaskye (390)
• United States
3 May 07
Thanks and good answer. You make sense. I do not even want to talk to him and am happy back with my pre "him" ex but it is just the injustice, you know.
@profclark (512)
• United States
4 May 07
Yes, and yes. You have to forgive. Not for him, but for you. Yes, you were vulnerable and at a hard point in your life when he swooped in, but it was his lack of character that let him think it was ok to take advantage of another human being. Not sure how old you are; I am 48, but I have learned that much of what we have been taught as women was a hoax, designed to keep us under men's thumbs. No Cinderellas, no Snow Whites, no Barbies. Nice stories, but not real life. Let God and let go.
Footnote: Karma is a hummdinger. He WILL get his, and you will probably hear about it. Let his poison out of your world, and go live your life, Girl!
Peace
1 person likes this
@andreaskye (390)
• United States
4 May 07
I know I need to move on but it just is SO hard. And being irritable from the full moon has not helped a bit. :-)
Thanks for the answer.
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
3 May 07
Contrary to what others will say, I have always found it best to take action against someone like this. That car that his brother is driving would be towed back to my home without my batting an eye. I would report him for unauthorized use of my card also, assuming he was not an authorized user and just managed to keep it all the time.
I knew a woman years ago who put the name of a fellow who had treated her in a similar fashion, on a website telling everything he had done and then she worked at getting traffic for it!
Your being willing to share does not excuse his misuse of you, so stop telling yourself those things that amount to saying you asked for all of this, because you did not. Take whatever action you can to restore your self by stepping out of a passive position.
Anything you can do to restore yourself should be done.
1 person likes this
@CritterKeeper (519)
• United States
3 May 07
Actually I have to agree with this while still standing behind everything I've already said here! Standing up for yourself and your rights is a far different thing from revenge! Have you looked into taking any kind of legal steps like this?
1 person likes this
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
4 May 07
I dont what to say its too much... But I guess let time heals the wound... Right now just focus for your kids... and just dont let it happen again...
Dont let anger eat you up... you will loose more... Just find ways how to pay everything... Pray and have faith... Remember what is happening will make you wiser...
Learn from everything...
1 person likes this
@andreaskye (390)
• United States
4 May 07
Yes, seeing everything that has happened as a lesson had helped some. It is just those moments when the rage inside pops up. Hard to fight.
Thanks for your answer!
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
4 May 07
I don't know how you could feel anything but extreme anger and shame and want to wring his neck.
I don't know if it would be wortht he emotional torment of taking him to small claims or if you would be able to recoup and of it that way? He ought to pay you off, even if it means selling the car.
You owe him NOTHING, so if there is a way to get some of your money back, don't let him manipulate you and try to get you to feel sorry for him. It's time to put yourself and your children and your home first.
I hope you aren't int he same town and having to have it in your face all the money he is spending on her. I had a friend who couldn't get child support from her son's father and she put up fliers about what a deadbeat dad he was and how much he owed her. Maybe something like that would embarass him into coughing up some money.
I'm sorry. That sucks.
@andreaskye (390)
• United States
4 May 07
Well, thanks for the kind words and it is hard not to be very angry but you are right. It would be hard to go through the trouble to recoup.
And yes, he has tried to get me to feel sorry for him.
Do you know him? LOL! Thanks for the answer!
@earth2jacq (1502)
• Philippines
3 May 07
I think the anger is more directly coming rom yourself because you allowed him to take advantage of you. I've been there, I let this guy have my whole savings before hoping that he will treat me much better. It is good that you snap out of this. Now for the anger I think you have to find a physical activity you can do to release the tension. I would suggest kickboxing and yoga to clear up your mind and let go of the anger. Don't trouble yourself any longer...sooner or later he may be back to his same old self and as for the new girlfriend who knows he may be doing the samething to her, abusing her affection to the max. The best revenge is showing him you are better off without him in your life. Concetrate your efforts on paying your debts. What's done is done.Move forward and see a better day. Pray that you will learn to forgive
@andreaskye (390)
• United States
3 May 07
Great answer. And yes, he knows I am happy without him. Back track, he is one of those that thinks he is the end all be all but oh well.
I am waitign for it all to end as it should. I think I just really loat it when I had to spend all my money on bills and I thought of him being all comfy and cozy and wining and dining someone. It hurts even though I am back with the man I loved all along. Just getting "taken" I suppose.
