Do You Ever Hide Your Problems From Your "FRIEND" Because You're Afraid That...

Philippines
May 4, 2007 12:16pm CST
he/she will use your problems against you in the future? Does it make sense? I know the question seems confusing but I've experienced that not just once but in so many times. I trusted a so-called friend because I was thinking (and maybe hoping) that she cares for me too. I poured out problems to her in the past but then she used my problems in fighting me or making fun of me or making me look ridiculous in front of other people or in bragging about how better she is than me, or just plainly to hurt me. I promised to myself I wouldn't trust her again, but then, there are times that I just couldn't stop myself from trusting her... Have you ahd the same experience? Do share your thoughts.. Thanks
4 people like this
19 responses
@envyash (85)
• India
5 May 07
I think you should write a diary instead. If you keep it safely guarded, then it will never betray you, and writing things down always takes the load off your mind too. The best part is that it documents everything and helps you review your problems in a much better way too. Such things are quite common, and I agree with mystery5 that you need to be able to judge a person well first. But that is not always easy to do, and we must guard ourselves against possible betrayal.
2 people like this
• Philippines
5 May 07
Yep, I do keep a journal and write all my frustrations there, but sometimes a human ear, a human heart, a human touch seems so appealing... I'm sure my judgment on keeping a friend is poor, I should learn from my mistakes... Thanks for the reply...
@mystery5 (351)
• India
5 May 07
My heart goes out to you. The last thing you need during a problem is a friend who is really an enemy in disguise! Although I have not had the same kind of experience, I did have vaguely similar experiences, where I went and poured my heart out to a friend about my best friend who's actions were hurting me, and this girl went and told her everything! It was like adding fuel to the fire and I had to deal with even more problems. But I learned from the experience, and learned how to identify people much better. I hope you can do the same thing too - just let this phase make you a better judge of character. Try to study people's behaviour. Eventually you will be just able to look at a person and tell whether he/ she is going to ditch you or not.
• Philippines
5 May 07
Thanks for such a beautiful reply... you're right, I must learn to study people's behaviour, I'm so foolishly trusting, that's my problem... Thanks for your reply... God bless...
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
5 May 07
Sometimes I do confide my problems to my friends but most of the time to my family. I learned my lesson well when one of my friends betrayed my trust. It is true that we should be careful in choosing our friends.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 May 07
I'm sure of that now, blood is always thicker than water... and yes, we should be careful alright, we might be entrusting a very important secret to an untrustworthy "friend"... Thanks for the reply..
• Philippines
5 May 07
Yes, I have experience that one also and I have learn from it. My father always tells me before not to trust our friends because later on they are the ones who will betray you or stab you at the back. I really don't want to belive him before but all he said was the reality. He has also experienced being betrayed by his friends and left alone. I guess what he learn from that experienced, he shared it to us but we never listen. Now I realize that we shouldn't trust no one other than ourself or the family that love us most. We should learn from this and we should we should share it to our sons and daughters someday.
• Philippines
5 May 07
Your father is right and I commend him for passing on such wisdom to you and yeah, I thank you for sharing this to me... God bless...
• Philippines
5 May 07
Yes, I have experienced that before. I never told them that I have a problem for fear that they may laugh at me, left me if they knew it, or make it a reason to end our friendship. I actually realize that of our friends will not accept us as we are then they are not true friends. But also there are problems that we should just keep it inside ourselves.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 May 07
Yeah, I understand your point, I've learned in a hard way that there are indeed problems that are not meant for sharing to your so-called frineds...
@cutiedhes (508)
• Philippines
5 May 07
Luckily, I haven't experienced that and honestly speaking none of my friends are like that. We all share our problems, happiness and achievements that we have and never had the time that we tend to betray each other maybe because we see to it that no matter what happen we will understand each other and have an open communication. I am not saying that both of you don't understand each other or you don't understand your friend i was just saying maybe she feels insecure and envy you. A piece of advice, let her understand and feel to her that she is worthy to be called a true friend give her confidence and support her in everything. In that way maybe she will now realized her mistakes that no matter what bad things she has done to you still you are there for her and ready to forget and forgive her.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 May 07
I've been there honey... We've been in a situation wherein she'd committed big mistakes and refused to ask for forgiveness. We never spoke for a few months, until I gave up and talked to her, I didn't care if she still didin't want to ask for my forgiveness, she by the way got a very high pride and I understand that, as I understood all her unacceptable acts... But well, we're but human beings, we have limitations, and she's just pushing me to the limits I guess... I've done nothing bad to her, only good... Ohh well, maybe she's just not worth it....
@derek_a (10898)
5 May 07
I've known lots of so-called friends who had done that to me in my life. The truth is they are not really a friend, but someone who gets a kick out of listening to other people's problems and then spreading the gossip to anyone who will listen. I tend to share with just family now and those I have known a long time who I know would never tell anyone else what I told them if I didn't want them too. I would never ever tell anyone else if I made a promise not to - it's just not the done thing.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
5 May 07
I never tell my problems to my friends. I guess I tend to hide everything and wear a mask when I go out with them. Like you said, I'm afraid they will make fun of me, or stay away from me when they know my secret or whatever. However, one of my friends has no problem telling people about his woes. To me, some things should be left unsaid. He can tell people about his family problems, his siblings love life and etc....
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
5 May 07
I have and that experiance has learned me who to trust and who to not trust. I have 2 friends that I can trust with my life and those 2 i can tell anything to. I know they will never betray me.. Then I have some friends that i do avoid telling some things to, just because I do not know if they ever would use it against me.
1 person likes this
@cheenlly (3483)
• Philippines
5 May 07
i know what you mean because it just happen to me. It is really dissapointing when you found out that your friend is like this kind. I never hide from my friend and i never kept secret, i have observed her long before but just recently only i found out she doesnt really cares about me. well i dont care if she used it against me, i think that is a childish thing to do. It's up to her, if she do that she is not matured enough and she is not really a true friend. I was hurt many times because of this childish act but i still considered her as a friend and still share secret and problem because i thought she change but i was wrong, she doesnt change at all and she become worse. NOw i can say enough is enough and i wont tolerate such act.
• Philippines
7 May 07
Hmm... I can see we're somewhat in the same boat, we keep on forgiving, keep on giving a chance... sigh! When would this end? I'm glad you stepped up and think it's enough, I need that strength too...
@meljessxena (2317)
• Australia
5 May 07
i know what you mean a so called friend did that to me once, and our friendship ended there. so now i have stopped telling my friends my problems only sometimes when im really down i might tell but thats all.
• Philippines
7 May 07
I guess this reality makes it really difficult to find a really trusted friend...
• India
5 May 07
Yes, it happens most of the time that you discuss a problem with your friend and he makes fun out of that. But it doesn't mean that you shouldn't discuss problems with your friends, apart from it try to discuss it wit your best friend, whom you trust, and have better understanding.
• Philippines
7 May 07
Yes, I should know who these "friends" are... Thanks for the response :D
• Philippines
5 May 07
not really actually. im a kind of person that is open to tell anything to my friend especially my most trusted friend. i share my problems and talk about stuff that is very serious. i believe that we should once in a while not hide within ourselves everything we feel and we need guidance and advice.
• Philippines
5 May 07
Good for you, I just hope you won't experience what I've experienced with my so-called friend... Thanks for the reply, good luck!
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
5 May 07
I have had boyfriends stolen, clothes taken, money never returned, and so on and so on. This girl is not a true friend to you. A true friend stands up for you, not belittles you in front of others. Take this as a learning lesson in life. I am not saying not to trust anyone, as that is too extreme. You need to trust in your life. You just need to be careful of whom you trust. And she is in no way better than you. You are a much better person, and in the long run, she'll be the one who suffers from losing your trust.
• Philippines
5 May 07
Thanks for boosting my morale hon.. I needed that. I should learn my lesson now, many people have been telling me to stop hoping that she'll change somehow, and I was stubborn, I was hoping she'll become a better person, but she's grown worse! Thanks for opening my eyes, all of you here in mylot have helped me get through this... May God bless you...
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
5 May 07
I am kind of familier to this situation ..I try to hide my weakness from my friend who are just like that..! But I am just a chatter box I cannot shut my mouth easily...!! lol But Is still try to hide my weakness ..!!
• Philippines
5 May 07
Hehehe! Being a chatterbox takes it toll sometimes... I know what you mean by hiding your weaknesses, we just can't let our so-called friends use our weaknesses against us... :D
@kelly60 (4548)
• United States
5 May 07
In much the same way as an ugly divorce, when a friendship dissolves and two people know a lot about each other, it is always possible to use all of those secrets against each other. I have been worried in the past about a few things I had told friends before. The thought had never occurred to me until a recent incident when we had a parting of ways. My friend and I were on one side, and the other two girls were on the other side. The friend who stayed with me said that we should tell someone about something that the other girls had done. I had to convince her not to do it. I had not thought about them doing it to me, and I never would have thought about doing it to them. Now I wonder about my other friend. I know now that I had better be careful from now on, what I tell her.
@iamdbest (130)
• India
5 May 07
i always hide my problems because ia m shy to talk
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
5 May 07
Friends are, in a way, our "CHOSEN family." And just like there are family members we know we can't entirely trust, so there are "friends" we can't entirely trust. I have had quite a few people like you describe in my life (including two people I was in long-term relationsips with) who basically seem to operate by using whatever "information" they can get from other people to further their own interests. To me, it shows a lack of integrity and compassion. I suppose the "life lesson" I am learning there is that because I am a very trusting person, I need to take extra care in choosing the people I decide to call "friend."
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
5 May 07
No... Because Im not the type of person who does shares my "personal" problem with other people except my partner or my parents... I dont know but I think I cant trust people easily... even my friends... because Im afraid that if problems exist between us... she will use it against me... so Id rather tell my personal problems with my parents or my partner...