Stating one parent is worse than the other
By scorpiobabes
@scorpiobabes (7225)
United States
May 6, 2007 11:56am CST
With the nasty custody battles (I'm thinking of Kim and Alec specifically) and all of the proof that a child will benefit from BOTH parents being involved with the child's life, wouldn't it make more sense to mandate counseling for the entire family, as well as 'parental education' for the so-called bad parent?
I am currently involved in a nasty custody battle...I find out next Friday if I'll still get to celebrate Mother's Day (my mother and both grandmothers are deceased). If I am such a bad parent (as my ex states), then get me the education and skills to be a good parent (in his eyes at least). I KNOW I'm not the best, I mean, heck, kids don't come with an instruction manual! But I wouldn't be doing this the Friday before Mother's Day (which always falls during HIS parenting time, so I haven't celebrated it since 2001, the last time my own mother was still alive), nor before Father's Day.
I'm just incredibly down and want to throw the towel in--but if he wins, then fine, but if she attacks me physically again for breaking rules in my home, I won't call him, I'll call the police. Seems that her physical attacks are only directed at me and since I'm not allowed to fight back (I'm supposed to lie down and take it!), I'll do the only other solution--get the police to haul her out of here. Harsh, but frankly, I don't want to die.
I guess I'm wondering if there are any laws in the US that requires parents involved in nasty court battles to go through court-mandated counseling? Currently, I'm the residential parent of record, but since this is not the first time he has pulled this (once during a separation, he just conveniently 'forgot' that she was at his parents before locking me out), I feel that we all need family counseling. I hope someone has some suggestions.
1 response
@patgalca (18481)
• Orangeville, Ontario
6 May 07
You know, they send us to pre-natal classes to help us prepare for the birth of the baby as well as learn how to care for the infant once you take it home, but they do not send us to parenting classes (they being the doctors I guess).
My daughter had some issues awhile back that forced us to get her into counselling through family services. During our initial meeting with the counsellor she realized that my husband and I needed parental counselling. More often than not, parents are not on the same page. One is always softer than the other. One is always the bad guy. One is always home, the other works and is only home to play with the kids. Both were raised differently themselves.
We have pre-marital counselling. I believe we should be required to go to parental counselling. During a divorce it is most imperative but even with a whole family, I think a seminar a year would be in order. We do have seminars in our town on parenting teens, or parenting a special needs child, and others. And these seminars are free, but we are not required to go to them. They are optional. I wouldn't be able to get my husband to go if I decided I thought we should attend.
There are so many children out their who are struggling through divorces, or are abused by their parents, or watching their parents abuse each other. These innocent souls need parents who put the children first and I think parental counselling is the only way to do it. Like you said, they don't come with manuals, we learn as we go. Some advice from professionals would be great. HOWEVER, even professionals' opinions differ on parenting styles. But some help is better than none.
Good luck in court this week.
1 person likes this
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
6 May 07
Thank you for the advice. Our (my ex- & I) had one pre-marital counseling session (he knocked me up and we got married less than 2 months later). The minister said it would be tough...I listened and agreed, though at the time I was scared sh*tless and being so young, I just went along with it. About 5 years into it, I was dx'd with multiple sclerosis...my doctor never mentioned counseling (for that). My ex became increasing difficult, refusing to deal with the changes I was going through. Two years following, we separated (well, he kicked me out, threw everything on the first floor he could move into the garage and kept the kid)--I went to court over a domestic dispute afterwards. I took her to counseling then, since one of the things he gave away was her dog. The following year my mother passed--took dd to grief counseling for the two of us...both times the counselors believed they could 'fix' the marriage. The third time she went, I called because she was violent to me and she needed help. All was fine until dad came in. The last time (last year), we missed an appointment and when the counselor called me to reschedule, I was on my way to an emergency dental appointment. I gave her my cell and said 'call me in five minutes'. No call--I called the following day and no return call.
I know her father and I are on different pages--we always have been. I believe in some responsibility (pick up your room, put the dishes in the sink, put the clothes in the hamper) and I've been trying unsuccessfully since she was 2 (she's nearly 14 now) to make it fun--her father and his mother have flat out refused to enforce this (in fact go so far as to not even recognize me as the parent!) Unfortunately, I'm pretty much out of time to fully research this--I've asked his (her father) for help, but he refuses to acknowledge that anyone is at fault besides me and I KNOW I'm not the best parent, but I'm definitely not the worst either. Thanks for your advice!
