I feel so sad for my nephew and my brother.

I had a slightly similar situation with my own natural dad and he didn't ever get involved in my life. My uncle (his brother) and I have gotten to know each other well and become close over the last few years and I love my uncle dearly - the only problem is he would love to reconcile me with my dad - and that is where my foot stays firmly down! I have spent more than 30 years feeling hurt and abandoned by my father and will not let him hurt me or my kids anymore so I can really understand where your nephew is coming from and how he feels! I came to the conclusion a few years ago that my father is the one who has missed out on one of his children and 2 fantastic grandkids! I really feel that you are in such a difficult situation and that your brother has a terrible nerve to think he can now walk back in to his sons life after so long! If I were you I would show your nephew what you have said in this post and suggest he gives your broter an hour to put forward what he wants from a relationship now and why he has decided that he now wants to be involved with him - mainly so that your nephew doesn't regret his decision in years to come - but that you won't push him into anything or put pressure on him! As for the rest of the family - I think they should put themselves in your nephews position and imagine how he felt as he was growing up before they judge him! I wish you and your family peace and good luck and will pray that everything works out for the best! xxx

That's a tough one. It's a complex situation and he has to do what he feels is right. I personally believe in the power of forgiveness. It's very liberating and healing. In fact, I don't believe that we can be completely free until we have forgiven people for all the stupid, thoughtless and hurtful things they have done to us. It's easier said then done because we have a tendency to want to hang on to the anger. I wish him all the best.

Oh boy. This is a very emotional and highly charged situation here. If I were in your shoes, I would tell your brother's partner to back off. And your relatives to get off his case too. Your nephew has probably matured enough--thanks to the "character-building exercise" he received when his biological father left the scene. It is very painful to have your father walk away from you and your mom and prefer another family to yours. Sadly enough, the wound never heals--maybe scarred over but barely. And always always painful, just below the surface. One learns to live with it, but never really to accept it. After a while, you think you have succeeded in numbing the pain, but even a little thing can make the pain come back, even worse than before. I am betting you dollars to donuts that this is why your nephew is keeping his distance. He was badly hurt before and he does not want to be hurt again. Good thing he has his mom and stepdad. They obviously raised him well--the way he looks after his own son is proof of that. I'm sorry but I'm squarely behind your nephew; parenthood (or in this case, fatherhood) is not a right but a privilege to be earned. Unfortunately your brother has not earned anything--no rights at all-- other than the label of "sperm donor." Your nephew is 30 years old--he is definitely old enough to live his own life, and to choose whom he will allow into it. God bless your nephew and his boy, and you, my fine-feathered friend, for feeling so deeply for both of them. Sorry, but forgiveness is a private matter. Who are we to judge and say that your nephew has not forgiven his biological father? Maybe he has, he just doesn't want to have anything to do with him. Very possible. Leave him alone--he has made his choice and it needs to be respected-- in the same way that the biological father made his choice long ago, and so would have to live with the consequences now. It's all about choice and facing up to the results of that choice: that's what life is about. :-]

Whatever the case, it does sound sad. I read this discussion few times and I still cannot clearly understand the complex relationships among the characters. I would like to clarify which is the case :- a) the son refuse to forgive the father who abandons him in the first place and now the father is trying to make up for his mistake by raising other people's children b) son needs to take care of the father who abandons him in the first place c) the son refuse to forgive the father who abandons him in the first place and the father now makes another mistake by raising someone else' children?

I don't blame your nephew for how he feels. To suddenly have his biological dad wanting to become involved again would take some getting used to. I think this should be worked out between the two of them. I hate to see these kinds of situations in families. It's good that you're there for support, but it will ultimately be up to them to establish a new relationship.

I have seen this before with a friend of mine. Your nephew needs to do what he feels is that right then to do. In his shoes I probrally would refuse to see my father also. As for your brothers partner trying to mend the fences, that should have been done a long time ago. When he was able to be a father to his partners children would have hurt me the most. Its not fair for the family to be backing your brother on any of this. Where were they when this all started? Why didn't they try to get yout brother to stand up and be a man then? Why should all of the concessions be made by your nephew? I would be asking them these questions when they side with the brother. Sorry sore subject. My girlfriend went through something similar. I hate when sperm donors act like they are the wronged party.

Not really much you can do. I think the best thing anyone can do is to back off the nephew. These people that are pressuring him to forgive and forget may be driving him farther away. That has got to be his decision. The more they push him, the more he is going to focus justifying his reasons for not mending fences. It may make him feel like no one cares about his feelings which will make him angrier.

This is terrible when the families are so torn apart from past mistakes that the rift sometimes is too large to bridge together. I was in a loveless marriage for eleven years and treated like a Cinderella by my ex and his family, including my ex stepsons. I tried so hard to be a proper wife and stwep mum to his grwon kids and served them like a slave. Sometimes however hard you try, if people are going to be hard headed and mean it is their choice. In the end I left them to it, we are on amicable terms because we have a son together and I have forgiven myself, but I had to take myself out of that situation. Now they are not related to me, I don't expect anything from them, the polite hello I get is more than enough. Your nephew is very hurt and must be left as an adult to make up his own mind. He may not have such a strong character to just wipe out the past and forget. But I hope one day they may at least talk and resolve the issue. I think it should be left to him now, if nothing else has worked then only time or patience may be the answer. I hate watching films where you see the parents dying without resolving issues and then the kids regret it. Now that is awful, I hope your nephew doesn't regret it.

I maybe a little biased here but I think that your nephew's first priority should be his own well being. I just don't understand why children are excepted to wait around till a parent has solved his/her problems and can now make some effort to build a relationship. I don't think that everyone should automatically get a second chance.

actually in this case is internal family.but i want to give suggest.try to pray to GOD with your mind,soul,body.ask GOD to give the best way to you,your family.