Dependency

There are two different sides to this. We raise our children to become independent self-sufficient adults. My 10 and 14 year old daughters get up every day for school, make their own breakfast and lunch and go. I don't even hear them. They used to wake me up but decided they don't want to wake me anymore. (I have a chronic illness so sleep is important to me and they recognize that. The days I have gotten up with them they see how crappy I look. That probably stopped them from waking me up. LOL!). I want my daughters to be able to care for themselves when they go out into the world but frankly, that is all they do. They don't help with dinner and dishes and laundry and cleaning. They may decide to bake a cake or bake cookies and can do so independently. That's great. At the same time I have received calls at home for forgotten lunches and since I'm only a couple of blocks from school I run it over to them. Can't have them starve. A last minute change in a basketball tournament had me running over with shorts and shoes for my daughter and other team members whose parents are not readily available. I am happy to do it really and was glad I was there to do it. As much as I want my children to be self-sufficient do I really want them to not need me anymore? No. I am here for them because they need me. They still have a lot of growing up to do, a lot of life experiences to face. I have a lot of advice to give. I would hope that they would always need me to some extent. Are my parents happy that their grown, married, children still rely on them for financial assistance? Probably not. But I am sure they are glad that they are ABLE to help and that they are there for us. As for husbands, well, they are just big boys and probably babied by their mothers and just moved from one mother to another. They will never grow up and if we weren't there they would be lost. My husband took his car to the junkyard yesterday to have it crushed. I followed him in my vehicle but I had to keep reminding him of things - did you empty the glove compartment? don't forget the license plates. Before I get a rant from a million people (well, at least 90,000), not ALL men are like this. My husband is one of 8 children. The girls did the ladies work, the boys did the outside work. Back then, women were supposed to look after their husbands, and still are to some extent. It depends on whether she is working outside the home. As much as it is a pain to have to keep looking after our kids, it is nice to be needed. I think you are doing more than enough for your family. If they mess up they face the consequences, not you.

It is always down to the mother in the family,and they are always depended upon,I found that when the family were at home living ,that my life was a big circle of endless jobs that all revolved around the family,and they seemed to be never ending.I do feel that they ddepended on me too much at that time,as I had no time for myself.

i know a caring person does that all the time, spoil the ones they love. it's good and bad. good because they feel well taken cared of and appreciated. bad because you don't teach them to be responsible enough for themselves. you need to stop worrying and trust them that they are doing in a way, the things that you are doing for them even though you're not around. one day you'd be proud, that because of your example, your daughter will grow up responsible and mindful of others..and your husband will enjoy a bit of a control for himself. it's ok to spoil, but not too much. they need to, at one point in time of their lives, to be responsible for themselves.

Hi there, To feel like the family depended on me is a thing of the past... I use to feel like that until I made a few changes to my own life, set some rules and have kept to them.