Dealing with Death (Greif, Acceptance, Moving on)
May 11, 2007 10:40am CST
I have recently lost an ex-girlfriend to a horrible car accident leaving her body in chars. The main reason I like posting on mylot is to occupy my mind before I sleep at night. Crying hasnt help me a bit I just feel the pain more after I cry. My heart is broken eventhough I already have a new someone in my life. She understands that my ex and I had a connection once and she is letting me sort things out for myself. But now I think I'd rather keep away from thinking about her. Im just not prepared yet to accept she's gobe forever, sometimes I just think she's away in a long term vacation or she might call me up at night checking how me and my new girl friend are doing. I dont want to feel regret in loosing her when we broke up but now I lost her totally. When will the pain go away I just hate feeling this way. How do I greiv normally, I just dont know what to do...
• United States
11 May 07
Bro, my deepest condolences. I know that it's really very hard to lose someone who is very dear to your heart and who has been an important part of your life. If you still can't go over the fact that your ex is already gone, don't be too hard on yourself. If you're still feeling the stinging pain, don't fight it. Just take everything in strides. Accept the reality that grieving is part of your recovery. Fighting the pain will only make it harder for you to easily recover. It's perfectly normal for you to feel what you're currently feeling because, like everything else, it will soon come to pass. If it will be helpful,though, bro, try to gradually accept that your ex is already gone. Try to remember the good memories that you shared together so that it will lessen your pain and help in your grieving process. Also try to imagine that she's in a peaceful place right now where she will no longer experience pain, have worries, or fear anything. If you could do this, I feel that your recovery will be sooner than you expect it to be. I'm pretty sure that wherever your ex-girlfriend is right now, the last thing she would want is for her to cause you any pain. But to get over your hurt, bro, I feel that your new girlfriend would also be very helpful. If you could, try to talk to her about what you're feeling. Don't hold back. Reveal your emotions. So that when you finally release the pain that you're keeping, you could feel better and perhaps move on. I hope my response could be of help in your recovery, bro.
12 May 07
Thanks for your support dude, actually she is very uderstanding of my needs right now emotionally. It just its awkward for me to talk about another girl with her. let alone an old rival, the two knew each other and were once friends. "they didnt fight bacuase of me or anything" its just they gained a gap when I got involved with my current girlfriend. I know she is greiving too and I wouldnt want her to feel more grief because of me so I just keep most of it in. But I think your advice will work for me...let me try :) Thanks