Adopted? Would you or Have you looked for biological parents?
By blondbat
@blondbat (503)
United States
May 11, 2007 4:44pm CST
I have always known I was adopted for as long as I can remember. There was never any effort made to hide that fact from me. I really didn't even have to put forth much effort to find the court papers pertaining to my adoption, so I do have a few facts about the circumstances. In addition, other things I know about myself as an infant led me to conclude other things about my adoption - in all likelyhood my birth mother was a teenager when she gave birth to me. In the year I was born, that was not a good situation to be in.
I have never had any desire to find my birth mother. I know some people will think that sounds cruel. I have a few reasons for my attitude on this. Except for a short period of time during late elementary school, I have always loved my mother, and would not want to hurt her by looking for another *mother*. Of course there was the everpresent fantasy that my *real* parent/parents were rich, famous, whatever, but that was only when I was in big trouble with my mom - who is my REAL mom to me.
Given what I know about my birth, it is entirely possible that turning up on my birth mother's doorstep all of a sudden, at any age, would not be welcome by her. That doesn't bother me in the least. The circumstances are what they are. I don't blame here for not raising me herself. She did what she had to for herself and her life. Whether it was HER decision or a decision made for her by her family, it was a decision that needed to be made and this is the outcome.
I was adopted and raised by 2 people that love me, I have a family that loves me, whether my mom gave birth to me herself has never had any effect on this. I am family to them and they are family to me.
What do you think? Would you look, or have you looked for your birth parents? If you were adopted, when and how did you find out. If you aren't adopted, I would still like to hear your opinions on this subject.
2 people like this
9 responses
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
12 May 07
Well, my case is a bit different from yours because not only I knew my birth parents, but we even got together often when we were in the same country.
SO it's difficult to know if the circumstances were different .. would I look for them? I"m not sure.
I have ever seen my adoptive parents as my parents and my biological parents as someone from the distant family or group of friends, that were nice and all but that was all. And I certainly didn't feel as strongly for them as for my adoptive parents.
ON the other hand, if I had never know them, I don't know if I would be curious enough to try and find them out maybe just to see them. It is possible I guess. People do have to feel curious about it, even though they love their adoptive parents very much.
Actually one thing has nothing to do with the other. One is the love we feel for the people who raised us and have been there for us all our lives, and the other is the curiosity of learning about our roots.
I don't have any specially strong feelings towards my biological parents one way or the other. Their choice was made according to what they thought was the best - for them or for me, it doesn't matter - and although in their case I find that a bit selfish, I don't really judge them or have any negative feelings towards them. But I don't have any strong positive feelings towards them either.
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
15 May 07
It's neither cold nor cruel, it's the truth.
My adoptive parents are my parents.That I was born form someone else seams more like an accident than anything else.
MY biological parents lived their lives the way they wanted and without the responsibilities of raising two daughters.Maybe there were just the kind of people that live for each other and anyone else will be interfering in their happiness, I never asked for explanations and never got any so I will never know, but I'm not sure if I really care either.
The only thing that gets to me a bit is the fact that although we know each other and are in touch more or less regularly, me and my sister are just strangers.
There are other cases however where children were given away to adoptive parents because there was no way that the parents could raise them, and some of those parents go through life feeling guilty and wanting to know their children. I suppose if I didn't know my biological parents and heard that they wanted to see me, I might want to see them too, but in no way would they ever replace my adoptive parents, in my heart and in my mind.
1 person likes this
@blondbat (503)
• United States
14 May 07
Those are the reasons I wouldn't look for my biological parents - they had reasons for what they did that I probably couldn't even comprehend. The people who raised me are my family - they were there for me, for better or for worse so to speak. They put in the time and they earned my respect.
Nothing against those who are responsible for my birth - that is all they are responsible for. I am sorry if that sounds cold or cruel.
1 person likes this
@cursedsoul (925)
• India
14 May 07
Well, if it were me I would probably never find them if I were content with my life. Of course, curiosity would make me do it I guess but given an option, I would not try and find my parents.
1 person likes this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
12 May 07
I was adopted when I was 10 weeks old, and my parents never hid that fact from me. They told me it made me special because they picked me to be their daughter.
I did start a search for my Birth Mother, because I know I have older siblings for sure, and there's a possibility of younger siblings too. Unfortunately, I was forced to come to the conclusion that she doesn't want to be found.
My adoptive parents supported me in my decision to find my birth parents. They understood my need to know where I came from. It didn't hurt them at all. We sat and talked about it, and I told them that no matter whether I found my birth parents or not - they are the ones I call mom and dad and nothing would ever change that.
@thai11 (239)
• United States
12 May 07
Like you, I have known i was adopted my whole life b/c I am from thailand and my parents are American. I, like you went through various stages in my life about should I look for them or not. My situation is complicated because its in international adoption and its going to be next to impossible to find my bith mother. Mine was 19 when she had me, in Bangkok, Thailand and she left me in a hospital who then turned me over to an agency. Finaly made it to America when I was 2. I have been told that woman who were in my birth mother's position often use fake names to avoid brining shame to family name. So I have a Thai birth certificate but more than likely its filled with false information. I have many issues with meeting my birth mother as well...growing in a by-racial family is really hard too...kids can be real A++holes!!! Whatever you choose, don't ever feel bad or guilty BECAUSE its your life and you have a right to know!!!! Good luck:)
1 person likes this
@blondbat (503)
• United States
14 May 07
As a child who has to deal with the choices our parents make, we just have to accept the consequences of their actions and try to understand why they did what they did. I wish you luck with your search - and appreciate the problems you have had - the worst I had to deal with is a first name that was different! Kids can be ***difficult***! One of the great understatements of life. I hope that your life after adoption was good, and thast you have a family that loves YOU!
@Lifez2short (4962)
• United States
12 May 07
OK here's my story. I was not adopted but my sister and I were abandoned as kids by our mom after our dad killed himself. So we went to live with a family friend. I am now 28 and have decided it time to find our mother and try to make it work. I have found her and she is flying here in August.
@Gorgeous24 (1091)
• United States
12 May 07
Im not adopted but my thoughts on the situation are if i was adopted by a loving family as you were then i would have no desire to look for the mother or father that gave me up whether it was there choice or not. Obviously they arent looking for me otherwise they would of tried everything in there power to find me. Be blessed with the family you have..your very lucky!
1 person likes this
@blondbat (503)
• United States
14 May 07
What little I know about my adoption led me to believe that there were reasons for my being adopted. Also, the people who wiped my nose and whipped my butt are my parents!!! That is THE biggest reason I would not look for my biological parents - that and good luck getting that info!
In CA it was hard enough getting a copy of my birth certificate! As usual, CA leads the county!!!
@patgalca (18177)
• Orangeville, Ontario
12 May 07
I cannot begin to know what it feels like to be adopted. I was not adopted. I watch a lot of TV shows where people are searching for their biological parents. They say there is something missing in their life, a part of them missing. That is why they go looking. I would think one would only have that feeling if they were not happy in their current family, though it appears it most cases that is NOT the case.
I think if I was put up for adoption it was for a reason. I am happy with the parents I have and don't see any reason seeking out someone who did not want me or could not raise me. The parents I have (had, as my father passed away last year) are classy people. I would hate to find out that my biological parents were less than the perfect people the parents who raised me are.
The way I see it, let sleeping dogs lie.
@dreamingmyth (594)
• United States
12 May 07
well i was not adopted but never knew my biological father growing up. my mom had gotten together with another man (whom i still consider my dad) when she was still pregnant with me. he had asked her to not tell me that he wasnt my real father since he had grown up with step parents and he found it very rough, and he just didnt want me going through all of that. so years after he and my mom got a divorce and i cried for him and cried for him, and didnt understand WHY he would just abandon me like that my mom finally told me the truth! back then we were still living in germany so there wasnt much i could do to find my biological dad. when we finally moved to the states i wanted to find him but kept finding myself hesitating alot. i was very worried that he wouldnt want me and id yet again get rejected! but on the other hand i was wondering if perhaps i had any other half sisters or brothers out there, and whats my geneology ect. i have a cousin from my biological dads side of the family whom was born just 2 weeks before me. my mom had kept her birth announcement in my baby book and had always just told me she was a distant relative of ours. it was that article that helped me actually find my dad! in order to find him, i searched for my cousin instead since it limited the amount of people with that name! after a few years i found her, and then they passed the message on to my dad whom was estatic to hear from me ect! over all i think it was a wonderful thing for me to get in touch with that part of me, but even with that my dad (non biological father) will always remain my dad since he was the one who was there for me when i was little! i have also found him again in the past 4 years and he doesnt live too far from me. i think having multiple parents is a wonderful thing! so yeah thats my experience :)
@blondbat (503)
• United States
14 May 07
I have had my mother experience divorce, and that is not an easy thing to deal with. Whatever our parents do is difficult to deal with, for better or for worse. We just have to remember that they are human too and try to understand why why they do what they do. Whatever our parents did prior to our birth, or since our birth is not something we have control of. We just have to try and live with it as best we can.
@neo_matrix (884)
• India
12 May 07
This Subject is very delicate . Parents are next to God who take all the burden to give the best of best .Adopted by some one or biological parents does not have any difference in my opinion as if same love and connections is found with adopted ones no question of searching for biological parents .but one should really try to know the problems why the biological parent had that they left their child all alone.
There are some case that even biological parents cannot give the child that true love which the parents who adopt the child can give.
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