Do you forgive if somebody asks for forgiveness!!!

@kamran12 (5526)
Pakistan
May 18, 2007 6:42pm CST
Can you easily forgive people if they ask for forgiveness, no matter what they have done? Do you question, why they did it? Can you forgive even without being asked? What compels you to forgive and what hinders you doing so? what do you feel after forgiving/not forgiving somebody?
10 people like this
32 responses
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
19 May 07
I'm pretty forgiving if the person is truly regretful and changes their behavior. Even if they aren't and don't, I seldom hang onto any anger toward them. It does no good and causes me ill. Holding a grudge does nothing but harm. So I don't.
5 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
19 May 07
great attitude youdontsay! I appreciate your point that holding grudge does nothing but harm and pleased to now that you keep your heart clean:-)
3 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 May 07
Wow is this a hard question! I've written several answers now only to delete and start over each time, because what I wanted to say wasn't coming out right. The idea of forgiveness is something I struggle with a lot. I don't want to be a person who holds petty grudges, and I don't think I am. I easily forgive people for minor things: talking behind my back, losing or breaking my possessions, things like that. However, when it comes to the big things, I sometimes believe that forgiveness is not appropriate. I have a major belief that some manner of taking responsibility for your actions is inherant in the human experience. I consider consequences before I take action, and calculate possible harm to other people, myself, and the world. If you do something that accidentally harms someone else, or hurts their feelings, and it couldn't have been foreseen, that's one thing. But intentionally inflicting harm on someone else... why should they forgive you? Shouldn't perhaps the relationship with that person be the cost of your action? Continuing to waste time on abusers isn't something I wish to do with my life, and I wouldn't expect it of other people either. When there are so many wonderful people out there in the world, why does every day someone say to me that I should repair relationships with people who nearly killed me, totally messed up my mental health, and basically made the first 18 years of my life horrible?
4 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 May 07
Sorry, I realize I got really personal here. Like I said, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the issue of forgiveness.
3 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 May 07
I'm glad that you got what I was saying here, even if I didn't say it very eloquently! You make some really good points about the effects of an overly forgiving society! As for your personal way of forgiveness, I think that's really interesting. I will admit that I haven't managed to forgive everyone who affected me, but I also think I have taken steps towards forgiving those people, if that makes sense. It's an ongoing thing. I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I completely forgive those people, but I also don't think I should. The fact that I haven't created any harm for them in return is a good start in my viewpoint. =) I really like what you said about broader effects though. You're right, if nothing has been done to prevent a reoccurance, then how can you forgive?
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
19 May 07
I hope and wish that the good start, you are talking about may have a meaningful end for everyone concerned. I don't know if I can explain this meaningful end, so leaving it upto you to work out:-)
3 people like this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
19 May 07
Oh yes I can forgive someone without even being asked. If I cant forgive a person and they ask me to please forgive them and I cant I will tell them I can not forgive you. I dont believe in lying and telling them Oh sure I will forgive you. NO thats not right. I am a very very forgiving person. Have a great day.
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
20 May 07
Your welcome
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
19 May 07
It's really good to know that you are forgiving and are honest at the same time TerryZ!. Thanks for sharing your views:-)
3 people like this
• United States
18 May 07
If they are sincere in wanting forgiveness than after a little consideration I will forgive them, but tell them that if they do anything again to upset me or break my trust I will never be able to forgive them again. Sometimes it really depends on what they did to me, that decides for me whether I will forgive them or not. If someone has stolen from me, than it's most likely that I will never forgive them or trust them again. If it was something as small as talking badly about me behind my back than as long as it don't happen again than I will forgive them.
4 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
19 May 07
quite understandable jeweledbluerose! will you cosider a second time forgiveness:-) after all we are humans and do mistakes again and again..stealing really can upset as do the back biting. Thanks for your comment:-)
2 people like this
• India
19 May 07
No one is perfect ,So i will forgive anybody for anything they do. As if i'll keep any grudge against anybody it will ruin my life as i will burn from inside in the fire of revenge.I gives a peace of mind after forgiving some one
4 people like this
• India
24 May 07
Ya u right that everything cannot forgiven .In the case of social crime if u forgive him then the person might not be able to realize what he has done.Its my personal opinion that i forgive people according to the intensity of fault being done.I want to be cool headed most of time so i forgive some or the other but not the major ones like social crimes
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
25 May 07
It's really nice to know that you forgive other people, I do apreciate, neo_matrix!:-)
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
19 May 07
It really helps internally if we forgive someone, neo_matrix! but can every thing be forgiven? specially if forgiveness can cause a greater crime as in case of social crimes? I would really love to know your views on that. Thanks for sharing:-)
3 people like this
@matrixx (254)
20 May 07
I forgive anybody and everybody no matter what they have done to me. I really like moving forward as you now me:-) there isn't any point keeping resent for anyone. Remember, life is too short to hate or to be resentful. The crimes against society can be dealt with law enforcement agencies. I hope you got my point..LOL.
3 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
20 May 07
You make an interesting point matrixx that crimes against society can be dealt with law enforcement agencies but won't you agree that there are things which are not defined as 'crime' by law enforcement agencies, for example back biting, lying (in many cases) etc plus how one can address emotional aspect of some offence, can simple punishment be equal to damage done? and can the emotional and spiritual damage/suffering be healed with law enforcement? I believe in forgiving so often, but will you suggest an all out forgiveness no matter what happned and what forgiveness may itself cause? I appreciate and like your point that there isn't any point keeping resent and that life is too short to hate and to be resentful, I can understand that:) Thanks for your valuable comments and views:-)
3 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
20 May 07
I wrote an article on it, have a look at it and see what you find interesting:-) http://www.helium.com/tm/344111
3 people like this
@urbandekay (18278)
14 Mar 08
To err is human, to forgive divine all the best urban
2 people like this
@urbandekay (18278)
14 Mar 08
Sadly, I find myself, human all to human but aspire to emulate divinity all the best urban
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18278)
14 Mar 08
Oh, I have misread your question, I can remember no time I did not forgive when requested so to do, I try, not always succesfully, to forgive unbidden all the best urban
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
14 Mar 08
Hello urbandekay, So, do you like to be a human or do you like to be divine? or a "divine human"?
1 person likes this
@urbangirl (1456)
• Australia
19 May 07
If they are genuine, then yes - but I don't encounter people who ask for forgiveness very often. I usually find people who have the most to apologise for end up twisting things to make thme look good, and those who have nothing to apologise for end up being the ones asking for forgiveness. It really depends on the personality types.
3 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
19 May 07
very interesting and accurate. I too experience people who really need to ask for forgiveness from someone but they try twisting and re phrasing words to make them look better and fail at it miserably and then there are people who havn't done anything serious or by intent even then they apologize. I agree that it has lot to do with personality. Thanks for your comment urbangirl:-)
3 people like this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
20 Jul 07
I'm still learning the concept of forgiveness. I don't find it hard to just laugh some things off if I know or I think it's unintentional. But if I find it intentional I can't find peace without getting even first. You see in the first case, there is nothing to forgive and in the latter, getting even is more important to me than forgiving - so really there is not much about forgiving in my life. This is why if I make mistake and ask for forgiveness, I don't expect much from those I wronged. But then if I wrong someone who wronged me, I won't ask for forgiveness in the first place, to me it's even. I find forgiveness as the hardest lesson in life, maybe one day before I die I can see the point of all this.
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
21 Jul 07
how so? forgiving = we are bigger ?
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
21 Jul 07
then may be smaller! but it feels good anyway, sometimes:-)
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
20 Jul 07
Hello LittleMel!:-) You have a practically understandable aproach there i.e. to laugh it off for the wrongs that were not intended and take it seriously when you see premeditation or intention involved. I see what you are saying. Perhaps sometimes forgiving someone makes us bigger than any body could think we are!? Thanks for sharing:-)
2 people like this
• United States
19 May 07
It really has to depend on what they did for me to give someone forgiveness...even if they aren't asking directly to me, but they are asking for everyones forgiveness...say, a child killer. I would never forgive them, not in a million years. But if it was something like a friend lying to me (depending on what they lied about) I could see myself forgiving them. But only if I know they are truely sorry.
3 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
19 May 07
You are right, it depends...with all ifs and buts:-) I do agree that there are crimes which simply can't be forgiven specially considering their scale of destruction in society. It's nice that you will consider forgiving someone when it's personal. Thanks for your comment Lilyofthe Thorns!:-)
4 people like this
@JessyBlue (536)
• United States
21 May 07
If someone that hurt me, ask me to forgive them, I would/do. Things probably wouldn't be the same between us as they were before, depending on what they had done...but by forgiving them I would feel better and I'm sure they would too. And I do question the person who is asking for forgiveness, to see weather or not they are being sincere.
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
21 May 07
I am glad that you forgive people for their errors and the bad things they have done to you. I do also appreciate that you question..see this makes the forgiveness meaningful, that is exactly knowing what you are forgiving. Thanks for your views, JessyBlue:-)
3 people like this
@golfproo (1839)
• Canada
19 May 07
Hi, I think it all depends on what they did. I would truly like to always forgive as it is just a healthier state of mind. Carrying around bitterness and feelings of revenge only serve to hurt yourself. Nevertheless, if it was something very bad such as a physical crime against your loved ones, I do think it would be very hard to forgive. I am just not that good a person I am afraid. cheers
3 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
19 May 07
There is nothing wrong as such in finding it hard to forgive people who have hurt the loved ones, golfproo! In fact only if the loved one him/herself forgives, I'll consider forgiving soembody for what they did to them. It's nice that you don't feel like keeping bitterness in your heart:-) Thanks for sharing your views and taking your time:-)
3 people like this
• Pakistan
11 Mar 08
hello again ! :) Aha i started this kind a topic few days ago without knowing u already had a discussion about this 10 months ago well :) um,what actually happens with me is that i am very sensitive and if i am sincere with someone then obviously i expect the same from others and if i dont get it usually i get disappointed or sumtymes really it hurts... if sumone has hurt me without knowing or realising my feelings,then i just try to say that person once that u have dont this and it really affected me a lot :) thats it.wether i say this in a good mood or in an angry way depends..but usually i say by putting up pranks and taunts,but once i said this thing and let the person know what he/she did then i am free and light hearted :) wether than that person aplogized or not,wether he considers my complain or not,i dunt care ,i just get peace by sayin once to that person of what he did :) and than my heart becomes fully clean,and usually i forget things very soon :) I myself do many things which i think is bearable between friendz but all people dont take it as u do :) some are reserved as well,some people dont forgive as easy as u think to have :) but in my case,i forgive people if just they talk to me normally in a good mood and just passes a smile than em all hers/his :) ..and so far if i am kind in this case then obviously i expect this from others too and when i dont get this i get disappointed :) and trust me people are very diplomatic :) once they will forgive you but they will never ever make their hearts clean froever :) and will neva get normal and sincere with you :) and thats my experience ...i have found moret han 90% people like this:)
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
11 Mar 08
Hello UBiquitous!:-) Like you, I too expect people to be sincere with me when I am with them and I too get disappointed when they are not being what I am trying to be with them. But, it happens; still, I usually forgive people and like to be first to extend my hand again! It is really important to let people know that what they did was not a very good thing to do and I appreciate that you find peace after saying that! You seem to be very generous in your forging habits, which is commendable! I am sorry you found most folks like you said. I never say to someone that I have forgiven them if I really haven’t. If I do say that, it means I have considered it and have given it a serious and real thought which means that I will not keep it against them anymore! Thank you for sharing your views!:-)
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
13 Mar 08
Being realistic or frank isn’t bad, UBiquitous, in my humble opinion! I like to be straight with people too and say what I think about a situation or something!:-)
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
12 Mar 08
hello kamran! yes u r right on ur side ,but i dunt keep things in my heart,i mean if sumone has hurt me i feel better to tell them rather keeping it in your heart and in da end it comes ouyt as a huge blunder u know this is how misunderstanding are created :) People usually say about me especially my friendz that i am very good in nature but the only bad thing in me is that i am more than enough realistic about people ,i cant resist by sayin if i feel anything bad about them,same is the case in appreciation. and secondly ,same like you if once i have forgiven someone with true heart then obviously i become as normal as before with that person . Now i guess you got the actual thing whta i tried to say :)
1 person likes this
@MsEddie86 (234)
• United States
19 Mar 08
well it is hard for me to forgive someone who has done me wrong . i mean i can forgive it depends on how sincere they are in there apologies to me and even then if i dont believe them i want them to show me how sorry they are for hurting me. i need physical proof for alot of things because you can't jus go on peoples words these days, because if you forgive them easily who knows if they will hurt you again and they may think well she/he will for give me all the time it doesnt matter how bad i hurt them or if i hurt them
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
19 Mar 08
Hello MsEddie86, Welcome to mylot! I hope you will have a great time here!:-) You bring a very important, and interesting, point here which is inclination of someone to repeat the offense given how easily someone had forgiven them! Of course, not all people have a character to mean what they say or to stand by what they urge. Forgiveness, to me, includes a sincere and serious commitment to avoid the same offense in future. So yes, if someone is not committed to avoid, it may not be helpful to forgive them. Thanks for sharing!:-)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
Forgiveness is hard when the deed is really harsh. If I feel the sincerity in an apology, I would choose to forgive that person, and by an apology, I mean including an explanation why the deed was done to me.
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
14 Mar 08
Hello onewickedsoul, Yes, it is hard to forgive the harsh deed! You have pretty much practical yet very positive attitude in this respect! Thanks for sharing!:-)
2 people like this
@dk_y2k5 (117)
• India
14 Aug 07
I guess this is one of the toughest situations to handle for someone like me whose heart melts so quickly when someone begs for forgiveness in front of me. It might have never occurred that someone asked for forgiveness and I didn't forgive him. I always give a second chance to someone who's guilty of his/her mistakes and is ready to accept a second chance. What I don't appreciate is forgiving someone on my own esp when someone isn't even ready to say sorry or repent for their wrong doings. :(
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
14 Aug 07
Hello dk_y2k5! Welcome to mylot!:-) You seem to be a very nice person, who is always ready to forgive. I can understand your problem when someone isn't even ready to say sorry. Thanks for responding and sharing your views!:-)
2 people like this
• Malaysia
13 Mar 08
yea, sure, I should forgive everyones. I'm not perfect human being, I also do mistakes to others whether I notice or not. I hope everyones will forgive me, so I must forgive everyones. If I've done something bad to you, hope you forgive me kay :) tata wait, hello everyones, please consider to forgive me kay!
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
13 Mar 08
Hello anotherbirthday!:-) You have quite an interesting, yet, straightforward way of thinking, I appreciate! Yes, we must keep in mind that we all do mistakes, and yes, unknowingly too! You haven’t done anything bad to me!:-) Thanks for sharing!:-)
1 person likes this
@clowdine (1402)
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
I can easily forgive people: for one, they took time to beg forgiveness which is hard to do in this proud world but when it comes to the part "no matter what they have done", if it is too grave, it will probably take time for me to deal with it, but I will deal with it for sure. It's not right not to forgive at all. We all have our own sins known or unknown and God said, if we don't forgive, we will not be forgiven. It's in Matthew 6:14-15. Although I cannot guarantee, per my human capacity to understand the evildoers sometimes, I believe what God said.
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
14 Mar 08
Hello clowdine, I would agree that it does take a lot of courage and moral strength to ask for forgiveness, clowdine! especially if someone is sincerely looking for it after realizing. Where I can really understand your point about taking time in forgiving grave mistakes, I truly appreciate your desire to ultimately forgive people. And, It makes sense that if one wishes to be forgiven, one should let it go him/herself too. Thanks for sharing your views!:-)
1 person likes this
@Alize997 (190)
• United States
12 Mar 08
Honestly, I find it easier to forgive, when people ask for it. The reason is they are accepting the responsibility for what they have done, and they realize that it hurt me. Its much harder when they don't ask for forgiveness (especially if it really hurt me), thats my weakness.
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
13 Mar 08
Hello Alize997, Welcome to mylot! I hope it will be an enjoyable experience for you!:-) If someone accepts the responsibility and realizes his/her mistake, it makes, in my view, forgiveness, meaningful and I respect that you do forgive. I understand that it takes a lot of strength to forgive someone without him/her taking responsibility, realizing and asking but if you don’t, it’s not a weakness as such, in my humble opinion! Thanks for sharing!:-)
1 person likes this
@kkk2008 (27)
• India
12 Mar 08
interesting q there ..! often i like forgive ... i prefer forgiving without asking what and why of anything ... somehow i cant ask a single q when a person apologizes i like to believe one is trustworthy while apologizing .. in case there is no interaction with the person after something has happened, i keep feeling bad about why did it have to happen .. in the course of time i do forget ...but when reminded i dont like it i can get along with a person if i meet him / her long after the mistake is made and not even asked for forgiveness i think i kind of read minds ...i thiiiiink ! personally i like to b forgiven without having to apologize ! i guess thats why i practice it too... more over life isnt all that serious ... theres hardly anytime for patch ups ..what if we dont see tomorrow ?! its here today and there tomorrow ! how does it matter even if people make mistakes ? ..sounding crazy ...am i ??!
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
13 Mar 08
Hello kkk2008, Welcome to mylot! I hope it will be an enjoyable experience for you!:-) If someone is asking for it, then it does seem that that person is realizing his/her mistake and it is quite respectable that you then forgive without asking questions! I do understand your desire to be forgiven without asking when you practice it yourself, that’s quite a fair deal. And no, you don’t sound crazy! Thanks for sharing!:-)
1 person likes this