Are you a "Gift Monitor'? My husband monitors the gifts that he gives.
By ZenDove
@ZenDove (698)
United States
May 22, 2007 10:34pm CST
For example, Why are you wearing those and not the ones I bought you? or Nice blouse, didn't I buy that for you? or I guess you didn't like what I bought you, you never use/wear it. He's like this not just with me but with everyone, including the kids. I feel like once you give something to someone, it is theirs to be used at their discretion and whim. That is why it is a gift and not a loan. I think he has control issues, he says he just wants to be appreciated. Fine, but how many times do you have to say "Thank you, what a wonderful,useful gift" for a pair of panties? "Look, I'm wearing them again today"! I know that I am lucky to have a husband who still gives me gifts and surprises but I don't want to still be thanking him for that blouse/breadmachine/cellphone a year later. Are you a 'gift monitor' or do you know someone who is? Can you explain the thought process/emotional need behind it?
3 people like this
12 responses
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
23 May 07
I don't have to worry about that with my hubs, lol. Thank God for that. It's my mom that is the gift monitor. God forbid you misplace or lose something she bought for you. Heaven forbid if you've worn it out over time. All that "aw! you're wearing the shirt mommy bought you." Or we'll see something while we're out shopping and she'll say really loudly "I bought you one just like that, remember?"
The only explanation I have is that maybe she doesn't feel that "Thank you" is enough gratitude. I don't know. I'll tell ya I'm grateful my hubs ain't that way, lol.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
23 May 07
That's an interesting concept about "Thank you" not being enough. Makes you wonder what would be enough. A plaque? Tears of gratitude? A tickertape parade? Jeez. I think that the next time my husband monitors a gift, I'm going to rewrap whatever it is, put his name on and give it back to him. After all, he obviously bought it for himself!
1 person likes this
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
Honestly, I think your hub's really sweet to you! Come to think of it, he probably takes a lot of time thinking and imagining how you would look on the blouses or even just panties before actually buying them for you. He probably sees you looking so beautiful and attractive in everything he buys for you, that's why wants to see you in them all the time, don't you think so? Gosh, your hubby loves you so much! I guess I really wouldn't mind if anyone who gave me gifts would ask about the gift they gave, as long as they didn't ask it back..LOL. Maybe you don't have to thank him all the time for everything he gives you. Maybe you can say, "yes, you bought it for me.. does it still look nice on me?"
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
21 Jun 07
You are so sweet. Thank you for the advice, I need it because I am not always as sensitive as my husband needs me to be. I don't like humoring other people's insecurities because I don't like humoring my own. It is sweet that he brings home little gifts for me very often I just don't like feeling that I should organize a "Parade of Appreciation"! Anything less than constant awe and gratitude would fail to satisfy his needy ego. The gifts just don't seem sincere to me, they seem to be tools craftily used to bolster his opinion of himself. Oh,well, I guess I can make an effort to be kinder in my approach. Thanks again for the dose of sweetness!
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
23 May 07
Well it's confession time for me I suppose! I guess that I am guilty of being a "gift monitor" (mostly towards my boyfriend though). I will admit to having some insecurity issues and so I need the reassurance that he appreciates the gifts that I've given him. Fortunatly he puts up with me constantly asking about things and he hasn't lost his patience with me yet! I would say that insecurity is one of the many possibilites with your husband, but all you can do is ask him about it.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
23 May 07
I agree with you, how many times do you have to say thank you,
I asked a friend to send me something and I would pay her for it, I didn't have pay pal at the time,
she said she would I thank her,
then we she said she got it and I thank her for her trouble,
then when she said I didn't have to pay for it and she sent it on I thanked her again,
then we I got it I just told her I got it,
and she had nerve to say I was rude I didn't thank her,
that pissed me off because I had thanked her three times before I didn't think I had to thank her the fourth time.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
23 May 07
I had to laugh at your friend's pettiness. The human ego can be an insatiable beast! Did you point out to her that you had already thanked her excessively for a rather small favor? It was awfully nice of her to pay for whatever it was but she spoiled a good deed with pettiness. That's a shame.
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
23 May 07
No offense intended, but your husband needs to get over himself. He's not buying gifts for you, the kids, or anyone else, he's buying attention for himself. When he doesn't get it, he accuses people of not liking what he got them.
You're right, a gift is just that... it's something GIVEN. True giving is a one way street, with nothing expected in return... and if something is returned, it should be appreciated, not demanded.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
23 May 07
No offense taken. Maybe I'm being snotty or unfair but I'd rather receive a single daisy from someone who sincerely meant it than a dozen roses from someone looking for applause. I know that he is only saying "Look at me, aren't I a great guy?!" but I'm like, shut up already - that would be REALLY great!
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
23 May 07
When I buy someone a gift I figure like you do that it is theirs to do with as they wish. I admit it makes me feel good to see my fiancee wear a ring or a necklace that I have given her.I am never sure that I have good taste in such items. My mom is the type of person who asks why you aren't using her gift or why did you get a new one of something that she bought you years ago. For some reason she thinks everything lasts forever.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
23 May 07
LOL about Mom. It's cool to enjoy seeing someone enjoy a gift that you gave them. It's the tactless seeking of never-ending gratitude that grates on my nerves. Like, instead of just saying "That looks good on you", my husband will say "That looks good on you, aren't you glad I bought that for you?" Ugh.
@icequeen (2840)
• Canada
23 May 07
I understand what you mean. I think that sometimes with men they like to know they are being useful and that the gifts they give us are good and that we like them...I know my boyfriend is the same way...However some of the things he buys me...are not really my taste...so sometimes you just have to say thank you and then just put it in a drawer....
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
23 May 07
I'm not but I hate it when someone does this very same thing to me. like my grandmother or my dad's mother. She bought me a blose one Christmas. It was red but it was really to big and a button up ladies blouse. Something I really didn't care to wear. She kept asking why don't you ever wear the blouse i got you? I finally told her it's nice it's just to big for me and the sleves are to long. I like short sleeved tee shirts. because i can't stand to be to hot. i am sure it upset her but I had to finally tell her she kept talking about how pretty it was and how much she liked it. I should of asked if she wants it back.But I'm not that mean.
1 person likes this
@tsgirl01 (900)
• United States
26 May 07
Hi ZenDove, Sorry, I am not a gift monitor. I have never heard the phrase and it sounds pretty annoying. I am a nice person, don't get me wrong, but after a few times of what you have to deal with, I would have to say something. A person that does this sounds needy and seems to have low self esteem...I don't mean any disrespect, just giving my opinion about the question. Take care...
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
27 May 07
Don't apologize for not being annoying! LOL I agree with you that it is probably an issue of self-esteem and neediness. Whenenver I say anything it just sounds like I am being ungrateful or that I am "picking" on him. I have to find a way to be more tactful, I guess. Thanks for your nice opinion. :-)
@simple_butterfly (478)
• Philippines
23 May 07
Oh..my hubby is not a gift monitor, me either. if i give away something it' s not my own business anymore to monitor if he/she is wearing or using it. it's up to them if they gonna use it. :)
@KatieS (503)
• United States
23 May 07
I guess I sorta am. I got my MIL some flower pots for her birthday to replant some flowers I gave her for valentines day. i've never seen them out, don't know what she did with the v-day basket of plants, but I didn't ask either. I figured it's her business. But my SIL asks me why I don't wear a blouse she got me. I don't like it when people who don't know me well buy me clothes anyway. My hubby knows me very well but if I don't care for something he gets me, I tell him and then there's no question.
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
23 May 07
Ha! The one time I dared to tell my husband that I didn't like a dress that he bought for me he pouted so badly, you would have thought that he had woven the fabric, cut the pattern and made the darned thing himself! Kudos to you for not asking your MIL about the gifts you've given her.
@0Impact0 (69)
• United States
24 May 07
I don't really do this simply because it's too much to keep track of. When I get someone a gift I am pretty sure that they will like and use it so I don't really pay particular attention to minor details like that. I like to see people close to me enjoying gift I have given them, but in the long run it's not a big deal.
